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I don't know why she branded them all losers, but it sounded like the old "I would never join any organization that would have me as a member joke" to me. In ot

by gcheong 17y ago

I don't know why she branded them all losers, but it sounded like the old "I would never join any organization that would have me as a member joke" to me. In other words "I would never date anyone who would want to date me".

HeyLaughingBoy 17y ago
Possibly the way they came across. It's best to be somewhat restrained the first time you contact someone online before you know how they react to things. The guys' heartfelt messages could very likely come across as being needy and that's a definite turnoff. TMI on a first contact is not a good idea!
- itistoday 17y ago
  This entire concept of "coming off as needy" and "TMI on a first contact is bad" is just depressing to me. Whether it's true or not isn't what concerns me. What I find puzzling is that these are considered negative things. Sometimes totally self-reliant people can come off, to someone else, as needy. It's silly to make snap judgments like that without even speaking to them. I adore people who are open. Openness is a quality that I think some people mistake for "neediness." I consider openness to be a very valuable quality. I think this would be a much better world if it was OK to be open. The other day a guy walked up to me during a fair and said, "Oooo, damn, look at those legs." He was referring to some girl. I thought he sounded like an idiot, and could have said, "Excuse me, I have to run." Instead, I carried on a conversation and ended up speaking to him for over 2 hours. Discovered that I, a liberal, borderline hippie could easily converse with a former soldier who just came back from Iraq, on various political topics no less! It was because we were both immediately open with each other, we were able to get along and have a great conversation despite each of our flaws (his gawking, my arrogance). If someone writes you a sincere letter, I don't care how many of those you get, I hope you have the decency to reply, even if it's just to say that you're not interested. If you can't handle it, then what, may I ask, are you doing on that dating site in the first place?
  - HeyLaughingBoy 17y ago
    See, I find it puzzling that appearing to be needy can be anything but negative and I can't fathom how it can be confused with openness. Anyway, what your response tells me is that you are willing to invest more time in people before making decisions about them. That's fine, but don't expect most people to be like that, especially on a dating site with thousands of members.
  - bricestacey 17y ago
    That is a classic pickup line, you know? Walk up to a girl and compliment another equally beautiful girl. This usually triggers a bit of jealousy and the guy seems increasingly attractive out of competition with the other girl. Anyway, as a guy I don't see any reason for you to respond if you are not interested. Your response will result in iPhone push notifications and emails that will trigger positive emotions only to be swept away the moment the message is read. It's really not constructive or beneficial to either party.
    - itistoday 17y ago
      > That is a classic pickup line, you know? Walk up to a girl and compliment another equally beautiful girl. This usually triggers a bit of jealousy and the guy seems increasingly attractive out of competition with the other girl. Thank you for that bit of information, but like you, I too have a penis between my legs. My apologies if I gave the wrong impression. :-p
      - bricestacey 17y ago
        Haha, now I have absolutely no idea how to interpret your story.
nandemo 17y ago
Funny, that was almost exactly what I was going to write in reply to potatolicious' comment above. I would just add a bit: she seems to be saying "I'd never date anyone who would want to meet me in a dating website". The thing is, some people do think that dating websites are for losers, and this includes people who go to dating websites.

by gcheong 17y ago

HeyLaughingBoy 17y ago

Possibly the way they came across. It's best to be somewhat restrained the first time you contact someone online before you know how they react to things. The guys' heartfelt messages could very likely come across as being needy and that's a definite turnoff. TMI on a first contact is not a good idea!

itistoday 17y ago
This entire concept of "coming off as needy" and "TMI on a first contact is bad" is just depressing to me. Whether it's true or not isn't what concerns me. What I find puzzling is that these are considered negative things. Sometimes totally self-reliant people can come off, to someone else, as needy. It's silly to make snap judgments like that without even speaking to them. I adore people who are open. Openness is a quality that I think some people mistake for "neediness." I consider openness to be a very valuable quality. I think this would be a much better world if it was OK to be open. The other day a guy walked up to me during a fair and said, "Oooo, damn, look at those legs." He was referring to some girl. I thought he sounded like an idiot, and could have said, "Excuse me, I have to run." Instead, I carried on a conversation and ended up speaking to him for over 2 hours. Discovered that I, a liberal, borderline hippie could easily converse with a former soldier who just came back from Iraq, on various political topics no less! It was because we were both immediately open with each other, we were able to get along and have a great conversation despite each of our flaws (his gawking, my arrogance). If someone writes you a sincere letter, I don't care how many of those you get, I hope you have the decency to reply, even if it's just to say that you're not interested. If you can't handle it, then what, may I ask, are you doing on that dating site in the first place?
- HeyLaughingBoy 17y ago
  See, I find it puzzling that appearing to be needy can be anything but negative and I can't fathom how it can be confused with openness. Anyway, what your response tells me is that you are willing to invest more time in people before making decisions about them. That's fine, but don't expect most people to be like that, especially on a dating site with thousands of members.
- bricestacey 17y ago
  That is a classic pickup line, you know? Walk up to a girl and compliment another equally beautiful girl. This usually triggers a bit of jealousy and the guy seems increasingly attractive out of competition with the other girl. Anyway, as a guy I don't see any reason for you to respond if you are not interested. Your response will result in iPhone push notifications and emails that will trigger positive emotions only to be swept away the moment the message is read. It's really not constructive or beneficial to either party.
  - itistoday 17y ago
    > That is a classic pickup line, you know? Walk up to a girl and compliment another equally beautiful girl. This usually triggers a bit of jealousy and the guy seems increasingly attractive out of competition with the other girl. Thank you for that bit of information, but like you, I too have a penis between my legs. My apologies if I gave the wrong impression. :-p
    - bricestacey 17y ago
      Haha, now I have absolutely no idea how to interpret your story.

nandemo 17y ago

Funny, that was almost exactly what I was going to write in reply to potatolicious' comment above. I would just add a bit: she seems to be saying "I'd never date anyone who would want to meet me in a dating website". The thing is, some people do think that dating websites are for losers, and this includes people who go to dating websites.