3 ms·

One of the easiest metrics I've found to determine whether or not oneself is a good/great listener is to honestly assess: Am I busy thinking about what I'm goi

One of the easiest metrics I've found to determine whether or not oneself is a good/great listener is to honestly assess: Am I busy thinking about what I'm going to say when I get a chance? The more the answer is "yes" the less listening a person is performing.

thirdsun 10y ago
I don't think that's a very good metric. In fact easily coming up with follow up questions that already come to one's mind while listening is a strong indicator for an engaging conversation. Or did you mean "being busy" as struggling to come up with anything worthwhile to say? Then I'd agree.
- AdieuToLogic 10y ago
  Assessment does not have to happen real-time. The intent is to reflect on interactions at a later point to determine if one is actively listening. In fact easily coming up with follow up questions that already come to one's mind while listening is a strong indicator for an engaging conversation. I completely agree that formulating follow-up questions are a key indicator of active listening. The key point with the metric I presented is when that formulation transpires. If it is while another is speaking, then the listener is not engaged in listening due to considering their own response instead. IMHO, it's natural to make a "mental note" regarding a thought/topic while another is speaking and then present a considered response/question subsequently.
personlurking 10y ago
It's tough to not think about what you want to say/add when the conversation is engaging. That is, "your thoughts, when told to me, made me have my own thoughts about the subject which, hopefully when I tell you, will make you think as well." There are moments where I stop myself from interjecting during a quick pause, and rather politely wait for a long pause to add my viewpoint only for the conversation to have altered course to the point that I'd have to backtrack on a topic no one is talking about anymore. Something that is especially difficult to do when it's a group conversation. To disengage the impulse to attempt to further/enrich the conversation has got to be a learned behavior, in my view. This type of debate raises the question of what kind of conversation is best. Is just being listened to better than having a thoroughly-engaging convo? Depends on the person and the moment.

thirdsun 10y ago

I don't think that's a very good metric. In fact easily coming up with follow up questions that already come to one's mind while listening is a strong indicator for an engaging conversation. Or did you mean "being busy" as struggling to come up with anything worthwhile to say? Then I'd agree.

AdieuToLogic 10y ago
Assessment does not have to happen real-time. The intent is to reflect on interactions at a later point to determine if one is actively listening. In fact easily coming up with follow up questions that already come to one's mind while listening is a strong indicator for an engaging conversation. I completely agree that formulating follow-up questions are a key indicator of active listening. The key point with the metric I presented is when that formulation transpires. If it is while another is speaking, then the listener is not engaged in listening due to considering their own response instead. IMHO, it's natural to make a "mental note" regarding a thought/topic while another is speaking and then present a considered response/question subsequently.

personlurking 10y ago

It's tough to not think about what you want to say/add when the conversation is engaging. That is, "your thoughts, when told to me, made me have my own thoughts about the subject which, hopefully when I tell you, will make you think as well." There are moments where I stop myself from interjecting during a quick pause, and rather politely wait for a long pause to add my viewpoint only for the conversation to have altered course to the point that I'd have to backtrack on a topic no one is talking about anymore. Something that is especially difficult to do when it's a group conversation. To disengage the impulse to attempt to further/enrich the conversation has got to be a learned behavior, in my view. This type of debate raises the question of what kind of conversation is best. Is just being listened to better than having a thoroughly-engaging convo? Depends on the person and the moment.