7 ms·

The married part is the one I am more interested in. I too live extremely cheaply, but my girlfriend has way more expense than me (still reasonable, but too hi

by siscia 10y ago

The married part is the one I am more interested in. I too live extremely cheaply, but my girlfriend has way more expense than me (still reasonable, but too high in my book). We are not married, but we spend a lot of time together and I am a little afraid that this difference in how we spend money will be a problem. How did you manage it? My very first step was to have her create a save account where she deposit each month a little bit of money, after I explained her the why she need one she started to accumulate money pretty quickly and in a very disciplinate way, all those money however disappeared when she bought a new house (but I believe it is fair).

maccard 10y ago
you need to have some sort of compromise. It's unreasonable to expect her to cxhange and you not to.
- csorrell 10y ago
  My wife wanted to buy a new car earlier this year but I didn't, so we compromised and bought a new car.
stygiansonic 10y ago
Disclaimer first that I am not a relationship expert. I was lucky/fortunate in that my wife and I both have a similar outlook when it comes to financial planning. We both want to achieve financial independence before the traditional retirement age and as such, we keep track of our expenses to ensure we're saving enough each month. Before we got married, we sat down and talked about these things, a lot. Each relationship is different, but in my opinion, if you're in a serious relationship, openness and honesty are pretty important. Talking about future goals, plans, etc. can go a long way.
erikb 10y ago
If you buy a house in a reasonable fashion the money is not gone though. Sure the prices go up and down and you may lose some of the money, but over a period of 30 years it may be less harmful than keeping the cash and letting inflation do its thing.
charlesdm 10y ago
Living extremely cheaply isn't always that great.. you can be frugal, but at a certain point, people take it too far. I.e., if you spend hours (or days!) comparing prices when purchasing lower value items, you value your time at exactly zero, and it might actually be easier to make (!) money vs spending less. Maybe your girlfriend actually prefers living a little? I'm not saying to throw your money away on useless stuff (I don't), but at a certain point, it gets tiresome. I've known a guy who, when he was thirsty, refused to purchase a small bottle of water for like €1.5 because he considered it a ripoff, after which he promptly asked a friend if he could drink from his bottle. Honest to god, I hope you don't mean living cheaply in that way. In the end, it's about finding a balance. Too much spending, and you won't have enough to invest. Too little, and life won't be much fun, 'cause frankly a lot of fun things cost money. I spend about the same (probably a bit more) as some of my friends in terms of monthly burn, yet I make 10x their salary. I consider that frugal, but I live well. Also, there's no point living cheaply if you don't know what to do with the extra money. Know where you're headed, i.e. financial independence, buying a house, etc
- cmdrfred 10y ago
  I agree. My advice is focus on growth. Willpower is a finite resource, you can use it to save 2 bucks on a bottle of water or spend a few minutes learning a new skill. One saves money once, one pays dividends forever. If you have unlimited willpower go ahead and do both, I know I don't.
  - charlesdm 10y ago
    I like this one: negotiate hard on every big purchase you make in life, whether it's a new car / house / new couch worth $2k / bank fees / financing / etc. Make it a habit of negotiating on everything that is negotiable (which is doable on a lot more things than you thought). It's a valuable skill. The gains you make from that will save you a ton of money during a lifetime. Don't ignore large potential savings by penny-pinching on the small stuff. Heck, if you do this, you can ignore the small stuff.
    - 10y ago
pc86 10y ago
I would not use the word "frugal" to describe myself, but I spend less than I make by quite a bit and I try to get the best deal on things you can negotiate (which is most things). That being said, my wife had a very different opinion when we started dating. We both had student and vehicle loans, she had CC debt and personal loans, etc. The important part is to be very up front and honest with each other. The finances will work or they won't, and if they won't then the relationship will not work. Full stop. You can't live a life with someone who has fundamentally opposed financial opinions. If you want to save 80% of your income and she doesn't care if you have $50k in CC debt, there is no way to make that work. Even separate accounts won't work because once you're married new debt is joint debt (usually) and new assets are joint assets (usually).
deleted 10y ago
[deleted]
danenania 10y ago
Friendly advice from a married guy: be careful about overdoing it with the financial discipline stuff. Trying too hard to change someone's behavior is an easy recipe for resentment, especially in the turf war that naturally ensues when you start living together. Just as you see her as undisciplined, she could also be afraid that you'll be overly rigid and not allow her to enjoy life in the way she's used to. Once you've made your point about something like this, I think it's usually better to back off and leave making the change up to the person themselves, unless they specifically ask for your help. Being too pushy can also cause the other person to dig in, a counterproductive result.

by siscia 10y ago

maccard 10y ago

you need to have some sort of compromise. It's unreasonable to expect her to cxhange and you not to.

csorrell 10y ago
My wife wanted to buy a new car earlier this year but I didn't, so we compromised and bought a new car.

stygiansonic 10y ago

Disclaimer first that I am not a relationship expert. I was lucky/fortunate in that my wife and I both have a similar outlook when it comes to financial planning. We both want to achieve financial independence before the traditional retirement age and as such, we keep track of our expenses to ensure we're saving enough each month. Before we got married, we sat down and talked about these things, a lot. Each relationship is different, but in my opinion, if you're in a serious relationship, openness and honesty are pretty important. Talking about future goals, plans, etc. can go a long way.

erikb 10y ago

If you buy a house in a reasonable fashion the money is not gone though. Sure the prices go up and down and you may lose some of the money, but over a period of 30 years it may be less harmful than keeping the cash and letting inflation do its thing.

charlesdm 10y ago

Living extremely cheaply isn't always that great.. you can be frugal, but at a certain point, people take it too far. I.e., if you spend hours (or days!) comparing prices when purchasing lower value items, you value your time at exactly zero, and it might actually be easier to make (!) money vs spending less. Maybe your girlfriend actually prefers living a little? I'm not saying to throw your money away on useless stuff (I don't), but at a certain point, it gets tiresome. I've known a guy who, when he was thirsty, refused to purchase a small bottle of water for like €1.5 because he considered it a ripoff, after which he promptly asked a friend if he could drink from his bottle. Honest to god, I hope you don't mean living cheaply in that way. In the end, it's about finding a balance. Too much spending, and you won't have enough to invest. Too little, and life won't be much fun, 'cause frankly a lot of fun things cost money. I spend about the same (probably a bit more) as some of my friends in terms of monthly burn, yet I make 10x their salary. I consider that frugal, but I live well. Also, there's no point living cheaply if you don't know what to do with the extra money. Know where you're headed, i.e. financial independence, buying a house, etc

cmdrfred 10y ago
I agree. My advice is focus on growth. Willpower is a finite resource, you can use it to save 2 bucks on a bottle of water or spend a few minutes learning a new skill. One saves money once, one pays dividends forever. If you have unlimited willpower go ahead and do both, I know I don't.
- charlesdm 10y ago
  I like this one: negotiate hard on every big purchase you make in life, whether it's a new car / house / new couch worth $2k / bank fees / financing / etc. Make it a habit of negotiating on everything that is negotiable (which is doable on a lot more things than you thought). It's a valuable skill. The gains you make from that will save you a ton of money during a lifetime. Don't ignore large potential savings by penny-pinching on the small stuff. Heck, if you do this, you can ignore the small stuff.
  - 10y ago

pc86 10y ago

I would not use the word "frugal" to describe myself, but I spend less than I make by quite a bit and I try to get the best deal on things you can negotiate (which is most things). That being said, my wife had a very different opinion when we started dating. We both had student and vehicle loans, she had CC debt and personal loans, etc. The important part is to be very up front and honest with each other. The finances will work or they won't, and if they won't then the relationship will not work. Full stop. You can't live a life with someone who has fundamentally opposed financial opinions. If you want to save 80% of your income and she doesn't care if you have $50k in CC debt, there is no way to make that work. Even separate accounts won't work because once you're married new debt is joint debt (usually) and new assets are joint assets (usually).

deleted 10y ago

[deleted]

danenania 10y ago

Friendly advice from a married guy: be careful about overdoing it with the financial discipline stuff. Trying too hard to change someone's behavior is an easy recipe for resentment, especially in the turf war that naturally ensues when you start living together. Just as you see her as undisciplined, she could also be afraid that you'll be overly rigid and not allow her to enjoy life in the way she's used to. Once you've made your point about something like this, I think it's usually better to back off and leave making the change up to the person themselves, unless they specifically ask for your help. Being too pushy can also cause the other person to dig in, a counterproductive result.