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I think this hits the nail the nail on the head. You said it eloquently. Less scientifically stated: I personally see it as more of a point & click gesture co

by update 10y ago

I think this hits the nail the nail on the head. You said it eloquently. Less scientifically stated: I personally see it as more of a point & click gesture coupled with a lot of 'Alpha' tendencies. It's a simple as "this is wrong. shut up. Make it this way which is the right way, and, do it now." speaking as a bad-tempered, high earning person. relevant part of the article: > The truth is, pondering the worst has some clear advantages. Cranks may be superior negotiators, more discerning decision-makers and cut their risk of having a heart attack. Cynics can expect more stable marriages, higher earnings and longer lives – though, of course, they’ll anticipate the opposite. also shout out to Elizabeth Hurley who was mentioned in the article :) > To his ex-girlfriend Elizabeth Hurley's friends he was apparently known as ‘Grumpelstiltskin’. > Hugh Grant may be famed for being moody and a little challenging to work with. But could a grumpy attitude be the secret to his success?

buserror 10y ago
There is a little secret here. If you 'Alpha' in /just/ the right way, you edge on the side of gentle bullying your environment, and end up having an effect of changing it more than by trying to always try to negotiate your way into having people 'see' the 'right' path. Basically. it saves time and effort. I know it's not a popular thing to say, but everytime people talk about 'leadership ability' it's mostly that: ultimately, driving people to do as you say. I know it works for me, sometime you just can't re-re-re-explain stuff around, and a bit of the Alpha button aka Follow-the-leader wand waving helps saving time and saliva. And yes, being grumpy (more often than not, faking it!) helps too. I think I've fine tuned the ability to an Olympic Sport. I'm known as 'the gruffalo' in the family ;-) Of course you need to balance all that weight throwing with the counterpart: You need to be the first, and loudest to say if/when you get it wrong.
- mk89 10y ago
  > If you 'Alpha' in /just/ the right way, you edge on the side of gentle bullying your environment, and end up having an effect of changing it more than by trying to always try to negotiate your way into having people 'see' the 'right' path. how do your colleagues perceive you? If you work alone, or if you are the boss, maybe it's alright (the examples show Jeff Bezos, Beethoven, ...), but what if you work with 2-6 other people? And in addition to that, although I agree that trying always to negotiate takes a lot of effort and energy, how do you prevent misunderstandings when you are grumpy? Because if I say "X is 10", and then you say "No, I don't think so", but X is 10, while you still don't see that even if I try to use smoke signals to explain that to you, then you can see that being bully/grumpy/defensive/negative is not only not worth it, but it can also jeopardize tasks and the relationship with your colleagues, because it makes it harder to communicate with you - therefore next time, I won't ask you anymore, unless I really have to. How do you personally deal with such situations? Because I believe that the answer is in the middle: a straight NO sometimes is better than any other attempt to negotiate (oh, wait, how do I tell him that this idea is dangerous? etc.), however, in my opinion it takes years of tuning and understanding. However, when dealing with other people, how do you unleash your emotions blindly? It just doesn't work out, despite all the benefits it might have. > I know it works for me, sometime you just can't re-re-re-explain stuff around, and a bit of the Alpha button aka Follow-the-leader wand waving helps saving time and saliva. The question is: why do you think you are the leader? No offense, just asking, because I want to know what makes people believe that. I have seen this behavior pretty much unjustified - meaning: without this person who believed to hold the key to heaven, things worked better for everyone and even more efficiently, without communication issues and anger. I believe that a real leader doesn't need to be grumpy, as he will show with his actions how things should be, and people will automatically follow, because of respect, not because of fear.
  - buserror 10y ago
    Oh actually I should have added a bit more precision too -- I like working with people who do the same! Basically, it's nice for someone (me, or someone else) to feel a bit stronger about something, pick it up, 'claim' it and run away with it... And yes, with people who /can't/ do that it's a bit more difficult.. You have to keep it in check and also be able to champion ideas that are not yours; ie become an advocate.
    - mk89 10y ago
      I have many questions for you, which I hope you can answer - at least to some extent. For example, is it easy for you to blend in when you are with new people? Suppose you start a new job, new people. Were you ever left alone in your job? If yes, how do you deal with it? Have you ever had fights with colleagues due to those reasons? Did they ever tell you it's hard working with you? And your managers? If so, how did you fix it? Did you fix it? Why do you do it? I mean, you mentioned it, when you said "to feel stronger", but then, my question is if this is worth it. Do you ever feel you miss good insights about issues? Because in my opinion when you behave that way, you will mostly focus on what you want to shout, your ideas, etc, but not on learning. How do you deal with it? P.s.: I am not criticizing, I am just curious to know how people behaving this way deal with some of the most common issues in my opinion.

by update 10y ago

buserror 10y ago

There is a little secret here. If you 'Alpha' in /just/ the right way, you edge on the side of gentle bullying your environment, and end up having an effect of changing it more than by trying to always try to negotiate your way into having people 'see' the 'right' path. Basically. it saves time and effort. I know it's not a popular thing to say, but everytime people talk about 'leadership ability' it's mostly that: ultimately, driving people to do as you say. I know it works for me, sometime you just can't re-re-re-explain stuff around, and a bit of the Alpha button aka Follow-the-leader wand waving helps saving time and saliva. And yes, being grumpy (more often than not, faking it!) helps too. I think I've fine tuned the ability to an Olympic Sport. I'm known as 'the gruffalo' in the family ;-) Of course you need to balance all that weight throwing with the counterpart: You need to be the first, and loudest to say if/when you get it wrong.

mk89 10y ago
> If you 'Alpha' in /just/ the right way, you edge on the side of gentle bullying your environment, and end up having an effect of changing it more than by trying to always try to negotiate your way into having people 'see' the 'right' path. how do your colleagues perceive you? If you work alone, or if you are the boss, maybe it's alright (the examples show Jeff Bezos, Beethoven, ...), but what if you work with 2-6 other people? And in addition to that, although I agree that trying always to negotiate takes a lot of effort and energy, how do you prevent misunderstandings when you are grumpy? Because if I say "X is 10", and then you say "No, I don't think so", but X is 10, while you still don't see that even if I try to use smoke signals to explain that to you, then you can see that being bully/grumpy/defensive/negative is not only not worth it, but it can also jeopardize tasks and the relationship with your colleagues, because it makes it harder to communicate with you - therefore next time, I won't ask you anymore, unless I really have to. How do you personally deal with such situations? Because I believe that the answer is in the middle: a straight NO sometimes is better than any other attempt to negotiate (oh, wait, how do I tell him that this idea is dangerous? etc.), however, in my opinion it takes years of tuning and understanding. However, when dealing with other people, how do you unleash your emotions blindly? It just doesn't work out, despite all the benefits it might have. > I know it works for me, sometime you just can't re-re-re-explain stuff around, and a bit of the Alpha button aka Follow-the-leader wand waving helps saving time and saliva. The question is: why do you think you are the leader? No offense, just asking, because I want to know what makes people believe that. I have seen this behavior pretty much unjustified - meaning: without this person who believed to hold the key to heaven, things worked better for everyone and even more efficiently, without communication issues and anger. I believe that a real leader doesn't need to be grumpy, as he will show with his actions how things should be, and people will automatically follow, because of respect, not because of fear.
- buserror 10y ago
  Oh actually I should have added a bit more precision too -- I like working with people who do the same! Basically, it's nice for someone (me, or someone else) to feel a bit stronger about something, pick it up, 'claim' it and run away with it... And yes, with people who /can't/ do that it's a bit more difficult.. You have to keep it in check and also be able to champion ideas that are not yours; ie become an advocate.
  - mk89 10y ago
    I have many questions for you, which I hope you can answer - at least to some extent. For example, is it easy for you to blend in when you are with new people? Suppose you start a new job, new people. Were you ever left alone in your job? If yes, how do you deal with it? Have you ever had fights with colleagues due to those reasons? Did they ever tell you it's hard working with you? And your managers? If so, how did you fix it? Did you fix it? Why do you do it? I mean, you mentioned it, when you said "to feel stronger", but then, my question is if this is worth it. Do you ever feel you miss good insights about issues? Because in my opinion when you behave that way, you will mostly focus on what you want to shout, your ideas, etc, but not on learning. How do you deal with it? P.s.: I am not criticizing, I am just curious to know how people behaving this way deal with some of the most common issues in my opinion.