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He is being completely honest. Which is what the article espoused. The article also said do not hide your emotions. John is mad about the fact that his friend i

He is being completely honest. Which is what the article espoused. The article also said do not hide your emotions. John is mad about the fact that his friend is wasting his life. I displayed that. If you are defining honest as some midpoint between a white lie and an asshole, then what is being honest? Not being completely honest, but just somewhat honest? Then your "honest" is a healthy mix of white lie and complete honesty. That's Steve.

st3v3r 10y ago
No, I'm sorry, but you're wrong. John is not being honest. He's being an asshole. Being "completely honest" and "not hiding your emotions" does not equal being an asshole. There are many, many ways to express both those things without acting like John. Seriously, I am completely sick and tired of this idea people have of excusing their assholery by claiming they're being "honest", and that showing even the most modicum of common decency, common sense, and empathy is somehow "hiding their emotions" and being dishonest. It's not.
- avindroth 10y ago
  I completely empathize with your statement. I am also sick and tired of people excusing their assholery with notion of "being completely honest". It's quite ridiculous. Part of me wants to say that then maybe we should teach honesty differently. Instead of putting the virtue on a pedestal, we should use it as a tool when it is most fit. If a white lie will engender a win-win relationship, use that. Ultimately what we want is betterment of the other person and myself, and honesty is not always the answer.
hosh 10y ago
John is not being completely honest. As I mentioned elsewhere, John is not honest with himself, being unaware of where the roots of this irritation is.
khedoros 10y ago
> If you are defining honest as some midpoint between a white lie and an asshole, then what is being honest? Honesty is an endpoint, with the other side being dishonesty (including lies). On a separate axis, you would have maybe "gentleness of communication". On a third axis, orthogonal to the first two, you might have "intent", ranging from benevolent to malevolent. So, complete honesty would be a plane. Some parts of the plane are difficult to reach (completely honest, completely gentle, completely benevolent), and may be impossible depending on the situation (timing, your relationship with the person, etc), and your own skills of communication. "Asshole" would be a cloud within that volume, mostly floating around where "malevolence" and "harshness" have high values. None of these things are binary values, though. The soft edges fade into each other; we're working with shades of grey.
- avindroth 10y ago
  That's a great way to visualize it. I think there is much truth to what you said.

st3v3r 10y ago

No, I'm sorry, but you're wrong. John is not being honest. He's being an asshole. Being "completely honest" and "not hiding your emotions" does not equal being an asshole. There are many, many ways to express both those things without acting like John. Seriously, I am completely sick and tired of this idea people have of excusing their assholery by claiming they're being "honest", and that showing even the most modicum of common decency, common sense, and empathy is somehow "hiding their emotions" and being dishonest. It's not.

avindroth 10y ago
I completely empathize with your statement. I am also sick and tired of people excusing their assholery with notion of "being completely honest". It's quite ridiculous. Part of me wants to say that then maybe we should teach honesty differently. Instead of putting the virtue on a pedestal, we should use it as a tool when it is most fit. If a white lie will engender a win-win relationship, use that. Ultimately what we want is betterment of the other person and myself, and honesty is not always the answer.

hosh 10y ago

John is not being completely honest. As I mentioned elsewhere, John is not honest with himself, being unaware of where the roots of this irritation is.

khedoros 10y ago

> If you are defining honest as some midpoint between a white lie and an asshole, then what is being honest? Honesty is an endpoint, with the other side being dishonesty (including lies). On a separate axis, you would have maybe "gentleness of communication". On a third axis, orthogonal to the first two, you might have "intent", ranging from benevolent to malevolent. So, complete honesty would be a plane. Some parts of the plane are difficult to reach (completely honest, completely gentle, completely benevolent), and may be impossible depending on the situation (timing, your relationship with the person, etc), and your own skills of communication. "Asshole" would be a cloud within that volume, mostly floating around where "malevolence" and "harshness" have high values. None of these things are binary values, though. The soft edges fade into each other; we're working with shades of grey.

avindroth 10y ago
That's a great way to visualize it. I think there is much truth to what you said.