4 ms·

Do Your Friends Actually Like You?

3 points by DLay 10y ago

justinlardinois 10y ago
Ugh, this headline asks a question that's not very fun to ponder. Especially considering Betteridge's law [1]. When it comes to male friends, I think part of the problem is that men—especially straight men—are bad at/afraid of expressing intimacy in platonic contexts, probably because of social conditioning and subconscious homophobia. When I thought about the answer to the headline's question for my friends, the only "I don't know"s were men. My female friends have made it clear that they value my friendship; most of my male friends haven't, and I think I'm bad at expressing that to anyone of any gender. Of course, maybe I'm just overgeneralizing my own experiences and/or my female friends are just better friends than my male friends. Either way, good article. A lot of the not-news NYT stuff that gets posted on HN is crap, to be honest. This one really got me thinking and got me to churn out something wayyy more personal than I'd normally ever post here. > Others point to a misunderstanding of the very notion of friendship in an age when “friend” is used as a verb, and social inclusion and exclusion are as easy as a swipe or a tap on a smartphone screen. I realize it's just fluff for the intro of the article, but this is typical kids-today-and-their-loud-music-get-off-my-lawn garbage. Social media does in general make people more aware of more people's lives, but I doubt anyone actually believes that every single one of their Facebook friends is actually their friend. [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Betteridge%27s_law_of_headlines https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Betteridge%27s_law_of_headline...
- detaro 10y ago
  the bigger discussion of the article is here: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=12246819 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=12246819
  - justinlardinois 10y ago
    Is it bad etiquette to repost the comment there?
    - detaro 10y ago
      No, that's fine. It's clearly more useful in the bigger discussion.

3 points by DLay 10y ago

Ugh, this headline asks a question that's not very fun to ponder. Especially considering Betteridge's law [1]. When it comes to male friends, I think part of the problem is that men—especially straight men—are bad at/afraid of expressing intimacy in platonic contexts, probably because of social conditioning and subconscious homophobia. When I thought about the answer to the headline's question for my friends, the only "I don't know"s were men. My female friends have made it clear that they value my friendship; most of my male friends haven't, and I think I'm bad at expressing that to anyone of any gender. Of course, maybe I'm just overgeneralizing my own experiences and/or my female friends are just better friends than my male friends. Either way, good article. A lot of the not-news NYT stuff that gets posted on HN is crap, to be honest. This one really got me thinking and got me to churn out something wayyy more personal than I'd normally ever post here. > Others point to a misunderstanding of the very notion of friendship in an age when “friend” is used as a verb, and social inclusion and exclusion are as easy as a swipe or a tap on a smartphone screen. I realize it's just fluff for the intro of the article, but this is typical kids-today-and-their-loud-music-get-off-my-lawn garbage. Social media does in general make people more aware of more people's lives, but I doubt anyone actually believes that every single one of their Facebook friends is actually their friend. [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Betteridge%27s_law_of_headlines https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Betteridge%27s_law_of_headline...

detaro 10y ago
the bigger discussion of the article is here: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=12246819 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=12246819
- justinlardinois 10y ago
  Is it bad etiquette to repost the comment there?
  - detaro 10y ago
    No, that's fine. It's clearly more useful in the bigger discussion.