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It's at least true for me. For example, I had someone that was probably my best friend that I hung out with at least once a week when he lived near me, and afte

It's at least true for me. For example, I had someone that was probably my best friend that I hung out with at least once a week when he lived near me, and after he moved away, I'd like his Facebook posts but almost never reach out to talk to him. Except when he comes back into town, then I make a point to be available and we catch up. I also might go visit him next year sometime. But yeah, I haven't spoken to him in at least six months. And now I have other friends nearby that I care about more and make an effort to hang out with on a regular basis. And for that reason (amongst others), I am very hesitant to move away from this place, even though there are better job opportunities elsewhere in the country. I'm friends with quite a few people here, and I know I won't maintain those friendships hardly at all once I move away.

nxc18 10y ago
It is true. When you move, you will lose all your friendships and life will be difficult for a while. That doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. You can always make new friends, and if you put in the effort, you will. The whole nonsense about true friends is kind of silly. Friendship is 95% proximity and 5% compatibility. You can get that anywhere and the history of your friendships really doesn't add value. This is a classic case of the sunk cost fallacy that a lot of people fall into. You've got to do what's best for yourself in the long run, excluding your sunk costs (in this case, time building relationships). Imagine how silly you'll feel if all your friends move away and you waited around for nothing.
- cableshaft 10y ago
  I'm pretty introverted by nature, and it took a concerted effort of me going to pretty much every meetup I could in the area over a period of two years to build up the social network I have in the area. Could I do it from scratch again? Sure, and perhaps I will in a year or two, especially now that I've found a significant other that fits into my life so well. But I really like the geography of where I live, the people where I live, the culture in close proximity to where I live, and I have job with a good dev culture that pays a respectable amount for the region and looks good on a resume, so I'm not exactly in a hurry to leave quite yet. I'm not waiting for my friends. The pasture is pretty green where I'm at, and I'm not entirely convinced the pasture is just as green on the other side of the fence, even if it might pay more.

nxc18 10y ago

It is true. When you move, you will lose all your friendships and life will be difficult for a while. That doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. You can always make new friends, and if you put in the effort, you will. The whole nonsense about true friends is kind of silly. Friendship is 95% proximity and 5% compatibility. You can get that anywhere and the history of your friendships really doesn't add value. This is a classic case of the sunk cost fallacy that a lot of people fall into. You've got to do what's best for yourself in the long run, excluding your sunk costs (in this case, time building relationships). Imagine how silly you'll feel if all your friends move away and you waited around for nothing.

cableshaft 10y ago
I'm pretty introverted by nature, and it took a concerted effort of me going to pretty much every meetup I could in the area over a period of two years to build up the social network I have in the area. Could I do it from scratch again? Sure, and perhaps I will in a year or two, especially now that I've found a significant other that fits into my life so well. But I really like the geography of where I live, the people where I live, the culture in close proximity to where I live, and I have job with a good dev culture that pays a respectable amount for the region and looks good on a resume, so I'm not exactly in a hurry to leave quite yet. I'm not waiting for my friends. The pasture is pretty green where I'm at, and I'm not entirely convinced the pasture is just as green on the other side of the fence, even if it might pay more.