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As I get older I find I care less and less about whether or not others like me. Now, respect is another matter. If I had to choose, I'd rather be respected th
by jcadam 10y ago
As I get older I find I care less and less about whether or not others like me.
Now, respect is another matter. If I had to choose, I'd rather be respected than loved.
- koolba 10y ago> As I get older I find I care less and less about whether or not others like me. I came to that conclusion around 13 or 14. It's been a very pleasant and if I had to put it one way or the other, I'd say most people do like me. > Now, respect is another matter. If I had to choose, I'd rather be respected than loved. Love is good, respect is great, but fear is the one that gets results!
- hueving 10y agoFear only gets results if you have people in a position where they can't leave.
- Noseshine 10y agoWelcome to current capitalism where leaving a job is something only few can afford to do safely because there is no shortage of worker bees on almost all levels. It's one of my main arguments that the current system doesn't work because it doesn't allow these kinds of adjustments. Most people are stuck with bad bosses and bad organizations, or the best they can hope for is going to another equally dysfunctional one (lemon market, sort of). It should not just be customers who can let a business fail, employees should have that option too (by leaving). Customers decide about products - but employees decide about work place culture. We have a mostly working mechanism only for the first.
- zeroer 10y agoDo you know where you're posting?
- PhasmaFelis 10y agoHow is that relevant? A person can be well off and want to improve things for those less well off.
- vladtaltos 10y agoFear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.
- lallysingh 10y agoAs long as it's not your suffering....
- Practicality 10y agoIt's amazing to me the people that openly express sociopathic tendencies on HN.
- koolba 10y ago> It's amazing to me the people that openly express sociopathic tendencies on HN. It's more amazing that the majority of people, both online and in meatspace, prefer to sweep reality under the rug. What's sociopathic about being able to recognize and deal with these types of situations as they come up in your life?
- CapitalistCartr 10y agoReality doesn't prioritize fear over respect. That's your sociopathy distorting your view.
- Practicality 10y agoCaring more about getting things from people more than the actual people in your life (ie, using fear to get what you want) is the very definition of a sociopath. What amazes me is that you are open about it. Most sociopaths try to hide that fact, because once people realize they are being manipulated you lose control.
- koolba 10y ago> Caring more about getting things from people more than the actual people in your life (ie, using fear to get what you want) is the very definition of a sociopath. > What amazes me is that you are open about it. Most sociopaths try to hide that fact, because once people realize they are being manipulated you lose control. Ha! Who said I'm like that? I'm talking abstractly. When your circle of friends intersects with a friends circle, you get to see a lot of interesting dynamics. One of those is fear and, speaking frankly, it's pretty disgusting. But that doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
- deleted 10y ago[deleted]
- csours 10y agoI upvoted you because your comment adds to the discussion, not because I agree.
- StanislavPetrov 10y ago>Love is good, respect is great, but fear is the one that gets results! The whole idea of having a good friend is that there are no "results". Its someone you know, that knows you, that you can feel comfortable hanging out with and spending time with, that you want nothing from and that wants nothing from you.
- stuxnet79 10y agoWell said! Unfortunately, the "nothing from and that wants nothing from you" aspects of friendship seem to be ignored by a lot of people these days. Too much phoniness and gaming.
- deleted 10y ago[deleted]
- shriek 10y agoAre we talking about fear of people or fear of the consequences? Because those two are completely different topics.
- woliveirajr 10y agoI understand it in the fear of consequences. In "think twice on what you'll do to that person, because there'll be consequences" :-)
- facetube 10y agoGenuinely curious: what sorts of results have you achieved by employing fear?
- koolba 10y ago> Genuinely curious: what sorts of results have you achieved by employing fear? I don't think I've done anything of this sort. My comment is based on observations of the world around me. Not just me and my friends, but them and their friends, their interactions etc. In the corporate world, I've seen fear be a very motivating factor. Whether it's keeping your job, keeping your bonus, being assigned to a team, or avoiding a crap assignment, fear is definitely a factor. You can see it people and it's not uniform. In the social world, I've seen people extend invitations out to parties to people they genuinely cannot stand. Not because they want to, but because if they don't, they're afraid the person is going to talk shit about them.
- yarrel 10y agoLet us know how that works out for you by age 17.
- JoeAltmaier 10y agoOr feared! Respected and feared.
- Practicality 10y agoYou can't make this stuff up. You're even excited about it. (See my response to the sibling comment on koolba for the discussion if you wondering what I am talking about)
- JoeAltmaier 10y agoManagers aren't there to be everybody's friend. They're there to motivate, focus, gather resources and direct effort. A little fear can be very motivating.
- Practicality 10y agoYou're absolutely right on that. However, the topic here is friends. If you think people that fear you make good friends, you don't have any.
- kbenson 10y agoThe topic can change quickly or slowly as a particular branch of a thread progresses. In any case, the topic is also orbiting work, so there is room to interpret the comment as applying more to work relationships than friendship, which puts it in a slightly different light. I think you've just been primed by some other comments to interpret this a specific way.
- burnstek 10y agoW Edwards Deming, one of the most famous and respected individuals in the business management and industrial engineering space, would firmly disagree with you. Driving out fear (of colleagues, of management, etc) was one of his key principles in creating quality for the organization. http://www.quality-assurance-solutions.com/Deming-Point-8.html http://www.quality-assurance-solutions.com/Deming-Point-8.ht...
- Practicality 10y agoJust to add my non-sociopathic agreement, a friendship based on mutual respect is probably stronger than one just based on strongly liking each other (which is what most people mean by love). Without getting too philosophical, I would say mutual respect is a more sincere form of love, anyway, so there isn't much difference.
- deleted 10y ago[deleted]