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While I agree with the overall sentiment, people ought to have to earn the privilege of being listened to by meeting a higher standard of reasonableness, self-a
by brhsiao 10y ago
While I agree with the overall sentiment, people ought to have to earn the privilege of being listened to by meeting a higher standard of reasonableness, self-awareness, and intellectual responsibility than that.
The woman was unable herself to have children, so she latches onto the view that those who are able but choose termination are unethical killers. She manufactures further rationalization: "it's not right to go out and sleep with whoever, then just vacuum away the result like it never happened." This is just word salad. She openly throws out, "it's just not right! it's just wrong!" like that's somehow sufficient. Her view is driven by a preadolescent's petulant self-absorption and she takes no responsibility for self-correction.
I reject wholesale the idea that personal suffering gives people an excuse, a warrant, to hold petty, juvenile views that inhibit the freedom of others. Life itself consists largely of suffering. People who insist on throwing an eight year old's intellectual tantrum don't need the megaphone they're already given.
If the author's merely saying that open listening and compassion, in and of themselves, are valuable, then certainly: it's important to be open to foreign views. But petulant self-absorption isn't a view. It's not a window into any meaningful aspect of the universe. It's outright condescending to extend it sympathy.
- eyelidlessness 10y agoThis story seems to be a bit of a rorschach test. It seems that the primary rejection of what the author observed and described is preoccupied with correctness of ideas, while those of us who it touched are preoccupied with understanding why people think the way that they do. I too reject all manner of irrational and harmful views, but I'm concerned with why so many of those views prevail. Understanding why people come to hurt one another is at the center of my attention, because I think that understanding is ammunition in reducing those tendencies. Simply demilitarizing disagreement can go a long way toward reducing the kinds of friction that prevent people from learning and growing when they're wrong. And more importantly, being correct is not the same as not being subject to personal growth. It's a tremendous waste to go through life knowing information that could be valuable to others and to be unable or unwilling to communicate that information to others who don't share it. Empathy is how politics and people move together.
- brhsiao 10y agoFair enough, especially this bit: > Simply demilitarizing disagreement can go a long way toward reducing the kinds of friction that prevent people from learning and growing when they're wrong. Here's my attempt at reconciliation. I would support all of the following: withholding hostility; understanding that understanding something is not the same as condoning it; having empathy for everyone; understanding that everyone has their own reason for how they are; and making atmospheres seem less threatening to encourage more people to come forward. But I remain slightly suspicious of the feeling of sympathy toward the world view described in the article. Empathy, certainly. But I still say it's condescending to pity someone like that before they've taken the slightest steps toward self-correction.
- eyelidlessness 10y agoI have to admit that I was brought to tears reading her story. I don't sympathize with her opinion on abortion, I strongly disagree with it. But I felt her hardship and her candor when offered space to admit her personal motivations. I felt them despite being unmoved from my own opinions. I also have to admit that I haven't always been self aware enough to make healthy corrections for my own beliefs and attitudes. 100% of those times, I've grown more with the support of people who showed care and compassion despite the flaws in my reaction to the world I find myself in. I have to constantly remind myself that we're all in a wilderness. Nothing of importance comes easy to everyone. Nearly every person can grow, given the right conditions. And working toward making those conditions available to more people is worthwhile.
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- aninhumer 10y agoIndeed. I'm saddened by the number of people I see who don't seem to understand that being right is not a substitute for being persuasive.
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- brhsiao 10y agoWow, it's amazing what a few hours of quiet reflection can do. Having read the replies, given it a few more moments of silence and exercised some more empathy, I now regret this comment and wish I could still delete it.