This is a really a hard place to be. It's great that you recognize that there is a problem, are working to fix it, and are moving your schedule around to give y

This is a really a hard place to be. It's great that you recognize that there is a problem, are working to fix it, and are moving your schedule around to give your wife a break. Somewhere in our firstborn's terrible twos, my wife and I also were trying everything, and nothing was working. Here's the big thing I figured out: I'm used to working with computer programs and computers. If you give computers the right input, you get the right output. Right then and there. Kids are not nearly that deterministic. When you have a big issue like this, you can do the exact, perfect, correct action, and your son would still likely respond badly. This makes it really hard to judge how good your actions are when you naturally measure your actions by your son's responses. This results in a desperate flailing around trying to find something that works. With our son, I finally realized that I had to just make a plan with the best I knew so far, stick to it, and keep a good humor throughout. A change in my child's thinking will pretty much only happen when they decide to change. You create the conditions where there's obvious, immediate feedback, avoid turning it into a personal fight, and one day they'll wake up and stop battling. (If you'd like to talk specifics, or anything else, feel free to email me.)