I would recommend trying to show the defiant child that he really does need others. If he tears up his room, then remove anything you care about and let him te

I would recommend trying to show the defiant child that he really does need others. If he tears up his room, then remove anything you care about and let him tear the rest up. If he is not nice and polite during mealtime, then he does not eat. Or the meal that is provided is very basic, and must be eaten in the room. Eventually you may have to remove all forms of pleasure, including toys, games, nice clothes, etc. During this process, communicate that you all love him, but do not like how he is acting. Explain that nice polite behavior will be rewarded. You will eventually feel like you are running a small jail, but eventually it will sink in. Also hard work is very good at wearing kids out. If you have the opportunity then digging a hole is good therapy. Make him dig a good hole before he can have dinner, and it must be done right, or back to the room. After dinner, make him fill it back up. Once he starts correcting, give more useful chores like sweeping floors. Keep up the communication, and work on directing the energy towards physical activities and praising polite behavior. Perhaps a game of horse with dad would be a good reward. Good luck!