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Timeouts don't work either This avoids the problem. physically restraining him This exacerbates the problem. How can anyone trust someone who physically ties

by meric 10y ago

Timeouts don't work either This avoids the problem. physically restraining him This exacerbates the problem. How can anyone trust someone who physically ties them down? Can you start any kind of relationship like this, let alone continue one with your parent? One cannot respond to emotional abuse and physical abuse with emotional abuse and physical abuse, and expect the relationship to improve. natural consequences Googling this. Natural consequences are the inevitable result of a child's own actions. For example, despite Dad's urging him to put on his coat, Tommy goes outside when it's cold without wearing a coat. The natural result is that Tommy gets cold. If you mean he wouldn't wear a coat even if it's cold, and ignores the cold, then by all means let him continue. get angrier and call you names. How do you feel when he is angry and call you names? Not the "parent armor" that you wear. Turn that off, turn off the "I'm doing this for your own good", turn off the "I'm parent so I can tell you what to do". But how do you, the child inside you, the one who feel secure in the love of your parents, feel inside? Let that child out. If you're going to cry and stay at home in bed all day hiding because you can't handle the emotions, then do that. That's natural consequence. Avoid raising your voice, avoid coercing him to do your wish, avoid tieing him down. If he would stay at home than go with you to picnic, trust him, and let you or your wife stay at home to make sure he is safe, while the rest of the family continue on. Let him physically hurt you (but not your wife or other children), unless your life is in danger. The fact that you put natural consequence in quotes, shows you can respect it a little more. EDIT; But it is very good you are asking for help, it is on the path to becoming a good father.

rymohr 10y ago
The natural consequences are more along the lines of... Don't like dinner? That's fine, don't eat. Then he goes in and makes a bowl of ice cream. What's the natural consequence approach there? Same when he's taking his frustration out on his toys. Eventually one actually breaks and now he's sad _and_ angry and directs his emotions at his mom and sisters. Just this week he figured out how to climb over our fence and out into the street. Is the natural consequence to let him be run over or kidnapped? I put "natural consequences" in quotes because I think it's a joke. If your dealing with problems that have natural consequences you don't actually have much of a problem.
- meric 10y ago
  What's the natural consequence approach there? I would ask him for his favourite ice cream, take him out to the supermarket if he likes to come with me, buy a 2L box of it, and let him eat it the whole night if he wishes. Be happy he's enjoying the moment, enjoy it yourself, connect with him. Repeat this every night until he wants to eat something else. He has to find out, using his own experience, why it's unpleasant to eat only ice cream for dinner every night, so that, one day, a week from now, a month, two months, he would choose to eat proper dinner because he truly wants to, from his heart, rather than doing it because his parents are forcing him to. If he's going to be a broken man either way, at least he grew up with a father who listened and empathised with him, and accepted him for who he is, rather than being physically restrained in bed, yelled at and controlled. To love someone, we accept their choices, even when we know those choices have bad consequences, at the same time we trust they will eventually find their own way. mom and sisters. How does your wife react, and what does she actually feel? Inside she's upset and hurt and worn out to be blamed for something outside of her control, but I have a hunch she doesn't act that way in front of him. You can't force her to be vulnerable in front of him, but you could redirect his anger to yourself, explain to him why you're doing that (your wife is worn out and you want to protect her), and then you could choose to show him your sadness when he's angry at you. I put "natural consequences" in quotes because I think it's a joke. I'd love to know if any techniques I could try, that would work, while treating it as a joke. I'm serious. The very highest if barely known. Then comes that which people know and love. Then that which is feared, Then that which is despised. Who does not trust enough will not be trusted. When actions are performed Without unnecessary speech, People say, "We did it!" Tao Te Ching - Chapter 17
  - csorrell 10y ago
    I'm going to venture a guess that you yourself have never raised children. This is classic armchair parenting advice that sounds good to the philosophic mind, but falls apart in the real world. If you've never raised kids, you probably shouldn't offer parenting advice. If you have actually raised kids, let us know then know how long your kid ate ice cream before they acquired a taste for broccoli. Developmentally, a 6 year old is just not ready to be in control of defining all their own boundaries. They need adults to help them with this. Often times the reason kids are acting out is because they don't know where the boundary is or they sense where it is but it feels too unsteady. Clearly defining boundaries around a child's behavior is going to help them feel more secure.
ak39 10y ago
This is good advice. Dunno why it is being down voted. "Let him physically hurt you" is, oddly, great advice. I've let this happen too with generally good results. Kid's emotions have run high, he feels he's unfairly treated, is ignored and powerless ... and consequently is unable to communicate without histrionics. Pinching or pulling hair is his attempt to show he's not having anymore of the shit the world's thrown at him. So let him express himself like that ... this time! Then - when he's calm - ask him to explain what he felt and thought. Then ask "Was pulling my hair the right thing to do? Can I pull your hair to show you how it hurts? ... Exactly!" You'll earn your reward when a 6 year old comes to you, on his own, unasked, to apologise for hurting you.

by meric 10y ago

rymohr 10y ago

The natural consequences are more along the lines of... Don't like dinner? That's fine, don't eat. Then he goes in and makes a bowl of ice cream. What's the natural consequence approach there? Same when he's taking his frustration out on his toys. Eventually one actually breaks and now he's sad _and_ angry and directs his emotions at his mom and sisters. Just this week he figured out how to climb over our fence and out into the street. Is the natural consequence to let him be run over or kidnapped? I put "natural consequences" in quotes because I think it's a joke. If your dealing with problems that have natural consequences you don't actually have much of a problem.

meric 10y ago
What's the natural consequence approach there? I would ask him for his favourite ice cream, take him out to the supermarket if he likes to come with me, buy a 2L box of it, and let him eat it the whole night if he wishes. Be happy he's enjoying the moment, enjoy it yourself, connect with him. Repeat this every night until he wants to eat something else. He has to find out, using his own experience, why it's unpleasant to eat only ice cream for dinner every night, so that, one day, a week from now, a month, two months, he would choose to eat proper dinner because he truly wants to, from his heart, rather than doing it because his parents are forcing him to. If he's going to be a broken man either way, at least he grew up with a father who listened and empathised with him, and accepted him for who he is, rather than being physically restrained in bed, yelled at and controlled. To love someone, we accept their choices, even when we know those choices have bad consequences, at the same time we trust they will eventually find their own way. mom and sisters. How does your wife react, and what does she actually feel? Inside she's upset and hurt and worn out to be blamed for something outside of her control, but I have a hunch she doesn't act that way in front of him. You can't force her to be vulnerable in front of him, but you could redirect his anger to yourself, explain to him why you're doing that (your wife is worn out and you want to protect her), and then you could choose to show him your sadness when he's angry at you. I put "natural consequences" in quotes because I think it's a joke. I'd love to know if any techniques I could try, that would work, while treating it as a joke. I'm serious. The very highest if barely known. Then comes that which people know and love. Then that which is feared, Then that which is despised. Who does not trust enough will not be trusted. When actions are performed Without unnecessary speech, People say, "We did it!" Tao Te Ching - Chapter 17
- csorrell 10y ago
  I'm going to venture a guess that you yourself have never raised children. This is classic armchair parenting advice that sounds good to the philosophic mind, but falls apart in the real world. If you've never raised kids, you probably shouldn't offer parenting advice. If you have actually raised kids, let us know then know how long your kid ate ice cream before they acquired a taste for broccoli. Developmentally, a 6 year old is just not ready to be in control of defining all their own boundaries. They need adults to help them with this. Often times the reason kids are acting out is because they don't know where the boundary is or they sense where it is but it feels too unsteady. Clearly defining boundaries around a child's behavior is going to help them feel more secure.

ak39 10y ago

This is good advice. Dunno why it is being down voted. "Let him physically hurt you" is, oddly, great advice. I've let this happen too with generally good results. Kid's emotions have run high, he feels he's unfairly treated, is ignored and powerless ... and consequently is unable to communicate without histrionics. Pinching or pulling hair is his attempt to show he's not having anymore of the shit the world's thrown at him. So let him express himself like that ... this time! Then - when he's calm - ask him to explain what he felt and thought. Then ask "Was pulling my hair the right thing to do? Can I pull your hair to show you how it hurts? ... Exactly!" You'll earn your reward when a 6 year old comes to you, on his own, unasked, to apologise for hurting you.