I can't agree more. There are even camps in the (academic at least) queer community that argued against gay marriage: we should not be opting to include indivi

I can't agree more. There are even camps in the (academic at least) queer community that argued against gay marriage: we should not be opting to include individual minority groups (while excluding others like the poly community, though the benefits and rights with those would be an absolute headache to legislate) in heterosexual norms, but working to remove the recognition heterosexual norms from secular government. Even just renaming it from "marriage" to "civil union" would ameliorate a lot of the tension surrounding it. There's no reason a religious or personal ceremony should be of any interest to the government; it's only the rights and benefits that matter.