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Why are hookup apps making sex less stimulating? Because they cause people to have more sex. I can't see any other reason. So what you're saying is, young peop

Why are hookup apps making sex less stimulating? Because they cause people to have more sex. I can't see any other reason. So what you're saying is, young people are having less sex, because they're having more sex? (take this as tongue-in-cheek, I don't think you're really making that argument)

current_call 10y ago
Tinder is for hookups in the same way that Reddit is for politics. Tinder provides the thrill of a relationship and Reddit provides a sense of patriotism, but neither require actually doing something. By the way, Hacker News is for hacking.
bjourne 10y ago
It's the chooser's dilemma. Girls are having to many options and can't make up their mind so they end up with nothing. Same reason even very beautiful women end up single and childless in their 40's.
- cronjobber 10y ago
  You're probably right, which also turns "millennial" into a spurious correlation.
- Grishnakh 10y ago
  > Same reason even very beautiful women end up single and childless in their 40's. I thought that was because they spent their 20s-30s focusing on college and their careers, and just as they had extremely high standards for those, they also had extremely high standards for men they dated, so they ended up not "settling" for anyone. I'm just over 40 and have dated a few of these urban-dwelling women who 40 and up, never married, no kids. There's a ridiculous number of them in DC. In my estimation based on personal experience, they're all incredibly picky and won't date a guy unless everything is absolutely perfect. In my case they tend to lose interest very fast because I live outside the city presently so I'm not conveniently located. To be snarky, they seem to all want a guy who's over 6' tall, looks like a model, dresses like he's on the cover of GQ, makes $300k/year, and lives across the street from her. And I actually meet a couple of these criteria to some extent: I'm over 6' (which seems to be very rare here on the east coast I've noticed...), I have a good-paying job (though not $300k/year good), and I'm told I'm very attractive, particularly for an over-40 guy as I'm thin and in great shape and frequently confused for someone 10+ years younger; my deficiencies are that I don't dress like a GQ model (more like an engineer who wears polo shirts all the time), I'm not outgoing and gregarious (I'm a software engineer....), and I don't live in the hip part of town these women all live in. The last such woman that seemed to be seriously interested in me (a 40yo lawyer) dumped me after a few weeks because of the distance, or so she said, even though this was something she knew about up-front. Oh yeah, these women also don't like guys who are separated or recently divorced (good lucking finding a decent guy at 40+ who's never been married or was divorced years ago). And AFAICT, they are not quick to jump into bed with someone, in fact quite the opposite (and these are not conservative religious women either, they're all liberal Democrats AFAICT, though really more like "limousine liberals"). Sorry for the rambling, but the thing about single, childless, pretty women in their 40s is something I have recent and direct experience with so I couldn't help going off.
  - NotSammyHagar 10y ago
    You have a very interesting background and experiences. As a 40 something software engineer I see a bunch of my friends getting divorced and not having much success in the dating pool. I can think of one person very similar to you in almost every way, he can't find anyone to date.
    - Grishnakh 10y ago
      If you'd like to chat more about it, I'd be happy to compare notes. I'm always looking for more people in the same boat as me. Are these friends of yours in or near metro areas? If so, which one(s)? From my research, if you're a single guy in the Bay Area, you'd better be happy with celibacy, and Seattle isn't much better. But NYC and DC are full of single 35-45 women (but they're all incredibly picky IMO as I said before). The problem, however, is that if your friends are all software engineers, they're more likely to be in cities that have more men than women. NYC just isn't a very good place for a SW engineer, unless you love finance and HFT (and what I read about the work environments in those places is not good, and you'll have no free time for dating anyway), or web development. DC is mostly defense-related stuff, and in my experience there, the defense stuff is all well outside the city proper (defense contractors are cheap bastards I guess), whereas all the upper-middle-class single women live in Georgetown or near Dupont Circle or something, since they all work downtown or at the university, so you're looking at a minimum 45-minute drive to visit each other. I'm rapidly coming to the conclusion that software engineering is an absolutely horrible profession to get into if you're a hetero male who isn't an ultra-conservative churchgoer and wants to be able to date attractive professional women: it places you in locations that are far from these women, and keeps you in social circles that are completely alien to them, and in work environments that are devoid of any such women. I really wish I had gone into the medical field instead, honestly. In my experience, engineering is a great field if you're either an ultra-conservative religious person who wants a stay-at-home wife in a low cost-of-living region, or you're asexual and want to live in Silicon Valley and dedicate your life to work.

current_call 10y ago

Tinder is for hookups in the same way that Reddit is for politics. Tinder provides the thrill of a relationship and Reddit provides a sense of patriotism, but neither require actually doing something. By the way, Hacker News is for hacking.

bjourne 10y ago

It's the chooser's dilemma. Girls are having to many options and can't make up their mind so they end up with nothing. Same reason even very beautiful women end up single and childless in their 40's.

cronjobber 10y ago
You're probably right, which also turns "millennial" into a spurious correlation.
Grishnakh 10y ago
> Same reason even very beautiful women end up single and childless in their 40's. I thought that was because they spent their 20s-30s focusing on college and their careers, and just as they had extremely high standards for those, they also had extremely high standards for men they dated, so they ended up not "settling" for anyone. I'm just over 40 and have dated a few of these urban-dwelling women who 40 and up, never married, no kids. There's a ridiculous number of them in DC. In my estimation based on personal experience, they're all incredibly picky and won't date a guy unless everything is absolutely perfect. In my case they tend to lose interest very fast because I live outside the city presently so I'm not conveniently located. To be snarky, they seem to all want a guy who's over 6' tall, looks like a model, dresses like he's on the cover of GQ, makes $300k/year, and lives across the street from her. And I actually meet a couple of these criteria to some extent: I'm over 6' (which seems to be very rare here on the east coast I've noticed...), I have a good-paying job (though not $300k/year good), and I'm told I'm very attractive, particularly for an over-40 guy as I'm thin and in great shape and frequently confused for someone 10+ years younger; my deficiencies are that I don't dress like a GQ model (more like an engineer who wears polo shirts all the time), I'm not outgoing and gregarious (I'm a software engineer....), and I don't live in the hip part of town these women all live in. The last such woman that seemed to be seriously interested in me (a 40yo lawyer) dumped me after a few weeks because of the distance, or so she said, even though this was something she knew about up-front. Oh yeah, these women also don't like guys who are separated or recently divorced (good lucking finding a decent guy at 40+ who's never been married or was divorced years ago). And AFAICT, they are not quick to jump into bed with someone, in fact quite the opposite (and these are not conservative religious women either, they're all liberal Democrats AFAICT, though really more like "limousine liberals"). Sorry for the rambling, but the thing about single, childless, pretty women in their 40s is something I have recent and direct experience with so I couldn't help going off.
- NotSammyHagar 10y ago
  You have a very interesting background and experiences. As a 40 something software engineer I see a bunch of my friends getting divorced and not having much success in the dating pool. I can think of one person very similar to you in almost every way, he can't find anyone to date.
  - Grishnakh 10y ago
    If you'd like to chat more about it, I'd be happy to compare notes. I'm always looking for more people in the same boat as me. Are these friends of yours in or near metro areas? If so, which one(s)? From my research, if you're a single guy in the Bay Area, you'd better be happy with celibacy, and Seattle isn't much better. But NYC and DC are full of single 35-45 women (but they're all incredibly picky IMO as I said before). The problem, however, is that if your friends are all software engineers, they're more likely to be in cities that have more men than women. NYC just isn't a very good place for a SW engineer, unless you love finance and HFT (and what I read about the work environments in those places is not good, and you'll have no free time for dating anyway), or web development. DC is mostly defense-related stuff, and in my experience there, the defense stuff is all well outside the city proper (defense contractors are cheap bastards I guess), whereas all the upper-middle-class single women live in Georgetown or near Dupont Circle or something, since they all work downtown or at the university, so you're looking at a minimum 45-minute drive to visit each other. I'm rapidly coming to the conclusion that software engineering is an absolutely horrible profession to get into if you're a hetero male who isn't an ultra-conservative churchgoer and wants to be able to date attractive professional women: it places you in locations that are far from these women, and keeps you in social circles that are completely alien to them, and in work environments that are devoid of any such women. I really wish I had gone into the medical field instead, honestly. In my experience, engineering is a great field if you're either an ultra-conservative religious person who wants a stay-at-home wife in a low cost-of-living region, or you're asexual and want to live in Silicon Valley and dedicate your life to work.