4 ms·

Straight to the point. My colleague clearly and succinctly explained why an inappropriate behavior occurred and what motivated him to respond. If this happens

• stygiansonic 10y ago
  I would also like to add that in my experience, unfortunately, "asshole"-like behavior isn't going to change when the source is a person in authority or a person close to someone in authority. I've been at two separate jobs where I encountered people like this. (Thankfully, I did not have to directly work with them - that would have been tough). Coincidentally, both had the title of "Senior Architect" or something like that, and both were extremely bellicose and condescending in their tone to a variety of people, both in person, on the phone and in emails. In both cases, I knew of multiple people who had complained about the individual's behavior to management yet in both circumstances, nothing was done and the behavior continued. In one case, more than one person quit and specifically called out the offensive person in their "farewell" email. (This is not something I would recommend) I eventually left both positions, for other reasons. In one case, during my exit interview, I was specifically asked by HR if I'd ever experienced any "difficult" behavior from the individual in question. I declined to give any details, as by that point it was clear to me that management not only ignored this behavior but condoned it as well. (You may not agree with my course of action) As far as I know, both of these people are still working at the same places, and I'm assuming nothing has changed. This is unfortunately how many of these situations end up. My advice is to choose your battles wisely.
• dsp1234 10y ago
  Note that as a general adage, this is "praise in public and criticize in private" (which doesn't just go for managers/higher ups). But it's not bullet-proof. When the criticism is private, there is no signal to the rest of the group that the behavior in question is not appropriate. The person being criticized certainly isn't going to say anything. This can lead to the situation where the behavior by one person is stopped, but as a whole it continues due to the fact that there is no social signal to the rest of the group to stop. So, as with many things, there is no clear cut approach that works all of the time. Knowing when to signal something publicly or privately is a skill like any other.
  • Mz 10y ago
    Once in a while, when I am in particularly good form and the stars align and so forth, I can deftly help the offending party out with explaining why their behavior is problematic, why it isn't getting the results they want, and some alternate approaches that would work better for them. I do so with witnesses. They do not feel attacked and everyone gets the memo that there are better ways to do things. However, this can also go very badly. But I am mentioning it to note that there are alternatives to the two scenarios posited of either criticizing privately in order to protect the offending individual's ego or criticizing publicly so everyone gets the memo that the behavior is not a good idea. If you are careful and acting with good intent, sometimes you can protect the person's ego while publicly commenting on the fact that the behavior in question is not desirable. There are other ways to give push back as well that actually moves the needle and doesn't just change who gets crapped on.
• overgard 10y ago
  I think that makes sense if you're in a position of authority over the person (manager, etc.); but if you're peers and the other person was acting in a public venue, I view this as self-policing. Frankly, no manager can do it all on their own, the entire team has to set the culture.