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No, no, no. If you say "okay, we won't do that" and mean it, you've demonstrated respect for her, and that her opinions and preferences are valued. You've inc
by luchak 17y ago
No, no, no. If you say "okay, we won't do that" and mean it, you've demonstrated respect for her, and that her opinions and preferences are valued. You've included her in the group.
And for your second paragraph: saying "no, it's not like that" is marginalizing because it demonstrates an unwillingness to take the woman seriously. If she says, "I didn't like that, it made me feel excluded from the group", and you say, "well, we didn't mean it that way": you are continuing to exclude her. The message communicated is, "your opinions aren't important". If the presentation went so far as to be objectifying, you're saying "well, I didn't mean for it to make you feel objectified, so you shouldn't feel that way" -- which indicates a flagrant lack of respect.
For emphasis: I do not know a single female engineer (not a single engineer, actually) who wants to be sexually objectified by his or her peers. Not one. They want to be respected as competent engineers, as colleagues, as friends.
- JoeAltmaier 17y agoYes, thats true. It also unavoidable true that human beings DO want to be objectified from time to time. The previous comment has validity - it is a confusing situation.
- luchak 17y agoFrom Wikipedia: "Sexual objectification refers to the practice of regarding or treating another person merely as an instrument (object) towards the person's sexual pleasure." I don't know of anyone who wants this in the context of work. Even if they're, say, attracted to someone else on the team: they're still not interested in being reduced to only the sexual aspect of their being.
- JoeAltmaier 17y agoSometimes you do. If you're doing it right. :)
- sliverstorm 17y agothank you for explaining in more detail. As for the last bit, sorry if I wasn't clear, I'm fully aware of that. I was just confused as logic seemed to imply you were in fact stating that the woman would want to be wanted, and I didn't believe it. I am also generally a little confused because my reaction would be "I'm sorry! We didn't mean it that way. It won't happen again." Is that also wrong?