It's not like somebody's sitting there saying, "hey, it's a woman -- I should make her miserable." It's more like there's a category of crap that ends up shove

It's not like somebody's sitting there saying, "hey, it's a woman -- I should make her miserable." It's more like there's a category of crap that ends up shoved at you if you're female, but not if you're male. There's another category that men deal with too, but it's much more potent when you're a small minority of the population. And, I mean, come on, some of these things: the attractive=stupid stereotype, the facile labeling of some women as irrational, being mistaken for secretaries or assumed to be non-technical staff ... these play upon stereotypes and cultural norms that apply specifically to women. In other words: because most of these things don't apply to men. And because, when women try to explain what's happening, one of the most frequent reactions they get from men is, "what are you talking about?" (Or the related, "oh, but that happens to me too," followed by a spurious equivalence.) So, look, if you really want to get into the details, there's a limit to what I can tell you. I'm male, so I'm not speaking from my own experience. If you're genuinely curious, ask some female engineers. Not all of them will feel the way I've described, but I've talked to enough to know that I'm not totally off-base. The main thing is, if you want to know, you have to be willing to actually listen and accept that they have had experiences different from yours. Even if you disagree with them, try to hold off on going into debate mode; they've probably done that too many times before and are tired of it.