16 ms·

I thought that too. It's one thing to think about death and another to face it. But I have faced it. 4 times I've almost died: Once I was saved from drowning,

by fnid2 17y ago

I thought that too. It's one thing to think about death and another to face it. But I have faced it. 4 times I've almost died: Once I was saved from drowning, I was in two car crashes, and the last time was due to an illness. Everything went blue. My vision shrank to a pin hole and right before I passed out and collapsed, this feeling of peace came over me. I remember thinking, "This is what it is like? This is dying? It's not so bad." Since then, I've spent more time thinking about life and death and it is through that reflection that I feel fear. I try to imagine not existing. It's hard and I come to some place of blackness which is much more terrifying than that last time I almost died, but in all fairness to soldiers, there were no bullets flying by me, bombs exploding, or adrenaline in my veins.

kiba 17y ago
I knew of an economist who has to flee to the United States because he was high on Nazi's wanted men list.
- setori88 17y ago
  woah, now that is something to be feared!
yters 17y ago
Do you have PTSD?
- fnid2 17y ago
  No, I don't think so. Not at all.
sliverstorm 17y ago
Interesting. I guess the way you wind up facing death changes things? I ride motorcycles, and every now and then there are moments you are sure you're going to die (though you may not be thinking 'die' in your head). You can taste the fear as it bubbles in the pit of your stomach. I haven't known anything more frightful in my life, except for possibly the time I was fully paralyzed (lungs included) for a half-minute and thought I broke my neck. I'm not sure how you experienced your car crashes, but from your reaction I'm guessing they were the out-of-nowhere kind where you don't see it coming? P.S. I am not a reckless rider. When you are a new rider, your instinct can flip out on you even when you are really ok, and even when you are a seasoned rider other cars and nature can conspire against you.
- fnid2 17y ago
  The first time I was swerving to miss a dog in the middle of a dirt road and the car spun out of control and nearly ended up in the water. The next day all my tires were flat from the sand and gravel that got lodged between the rubber tire and the rim. My windows were down and the inside of the car was full of sand and dirt and plants. The second time, I fell asleep on the interstate. The sound of the tires on the dirt woke me up and when I pulled back onto the road, the car started doing 360ies until I crashed into a guard rail. I never fell asleep again and no one was hurt either time. I was really amazed both times that the car didn't flip. The second time, the people behind me saw me spinning out of control and like, 5 cars pulled in behind me. I feel really lucky, not only for myself, but for others I could have hurt. I ride motorcycles too, not in a long time, but I remember times when I'd be going through a turn and hit a patch of sand or dirt and lose traction. It's quite scary. Almost went off the side of a mountain when I got my first bike and still didn't know to handle high speed tight turns. Sure knocked the invincibility out of me.
  - rjurney 17y ago
    Each of those times you nearly died by accident. In combat you nearly die on purpose. Repeatedly. Can you will yourself into that fear as part of your job - regularly? Isn't it a bit different?
    - fnid2 17y ago
      Yeah, it's totally different. I didn't choose to be in those situations and I can't imagine ever choosing to be in something immeasurably greater in risk. The experiences soldiers have and the things they see. I wish they didn't. I haven't seen anything even close to that. When that philosopher said that, I really wondered if he believed it. Philosophy, introspection... they're imagination. War is real.
    - ismarc 17y ago
      I think a lot of people don't understand, and never will understand, what's so trauamtic about combat. It's not that you could die at any moment over extended periods...I came to grips with my own mortality on the flight to my first combat deployment. It's not seeing people die, most times we weren't sure if the lack of shooting was because they were dead, out of bullets, or trying to draw us out. It's not the sickening, overwhelming, stomach churning smell of the pools of blood. It's not that you are taking another life. For me, the biggest impact was the realization that I had to do my job, perfectly, or someone else would needlessly die. And my own life relied upon another person doing their job perfectly. You don't pull the trigger to stay alive, you pull the trigger so that the people keeping you alive stay alive. You don't question if the fight needs to happen...it just is happening, and your options is you and your squad dies or the enemy and their squad dies. There's no higher purpose, no moral agenda, no feelings, no dreaming of home. Eventually, the adrenaline wears off, but you can't even tell because you're basically numb to its affects. And when you get back, even years later, people ask you about it. And you think up a couple of cheeky stories, but don't even try to tell most people what it's like because words can't accurately communicate the experience. You just continue on enjoying things in life everyone else discards as annoyances or commonplace. Note: It's been a few years since I got out and I'm perfectly fine, well adjusted, no related problems, no PTSD, no nightmares, minor paranoia occassionally. However, the mental experience of each person is different, and many do not come out ok.

by fnid2 17y ago

kiba 17y ago

I knew of an economist who has to flee to the United States because he was high on Nazi's wanted men list.

setori88 17y ago
woah, now that is something to be feared!

yters 17y ago

Do you have PTSD?

fnid2 17y ago
No, I don't think so. Not at all.

sliverstorm 17y ago

Interesting. I guess the way you wind up facing death changes things? I ride motorcycles, and every now and then there are moments you are sure you're going to die (though you may not be thinking 'die' in your head). You can taste the fear as it bubbles in the pit of your stomach. I haven't known anything more frightful in my life, except for possibly the time I was fully paralyzed (lungs included) for a half-minute and thought I broke my neck. I'm not sure how you experienced your car crashes, but from your reaction I'm guessing they were the out-of-nowhere kind where you don't see it coming? P.S. I am not a reckless rider. When you are a new rider, your instinct can flip out on you even when you are really ok, and even when you are a seasoned rider other cars and nature can conspire against you.

fnid2 17y ago
The first time I was swerving to miss a dog in the middle of a dirt road and the car spun out of control and nearly ended up in the water. The next day all my tires were flat from the sand and gravel that got lodged between the rubber tire and the rim. My windows were down and the inside of the car was full of sand and dirt and plants. The second time, I fell asleep on the interstate. The sound of the tires on the dirt woke me up and when I pulled back onto the road, the car started doing 360ies until I crashed into a guard rail. I never fell asleep again and no one was hurt either time. I was really amazed both times that the car didn't flip. The second time, the people behind me saw me spinning out of control and like, 5 cars pulled in behind me. I feel really lucky, not only for myself, but for others I could have hurt. I ride motorcycles too, not in a long time, but I remember times when I'd be going through a turn and hit a patch of sand or dirt and lose traction. It's quite scary. Almost went off the side of a mountain when I got my first bike and still didn't know to handle high speed tight turns. Sure knocked the invincibility out of me.
- rjurney 17y ago
  Each of those times you nearly died by accident. In combat you nearly die on purpose. Repeatedly. Can you will yourself into that fear as part of your job - regularly? Isn't it a bit different?
  - fnid2 17y ago
    Yeah, it's totally different. I didn't choose to be in those situations and I can't imagine ever choosing to be in something immeasurably greater in risk. The experiences soldiers have and the things they see. I wish they didn't. I haven't seen anything even close to that. When that philosopher said that, I really wondered if he believed it. Philosophy, introspection... they're imagination. War is real.
  - ismarc 17y ago
    I think a lot of people don't understand, and never will understand, what's so trauamtic about combat. It's not that you could die at any moment over extended periods...I came to grips with my own mortality on the flight to my first combat deployment. It's not seeing people die, most times we weren't sure if the lack of shooting was because they were dead, out of bullets, or trying to draw us out. It's not the sickening, overwhelming, stomach churning smell of the pools of blood. It's not that you are taking another life. For me, the biggest impact was the realization that I had to do my job, perfectly, or someone else would needlessly die. And my own life relied upon another person doing their job perfectly. You don't pull the trigger to stay alive, you pull the trigger so that the people keeping you alive stay alive. You don't question if the fight needs to happen...it just is happening, and your options is you and your squad dies or the enemy and their squad dies. There's no higher purpose, no moral agenda, no feelings, no dreaming of home. Eventually, the adrenaline wears off, but you can't even tell because you're basically numb to its affects. And when you get back, even years later, people ask you about it. And you think up a couple of cheeky stories, but don't even try to tell most people what it's like because words can't accurately communicate the experience. You just continue on enjoying things in life everyone else discards as annoyances or commonplace. Note: It's been a few years since I got out and I'm perfectly fine, well adjusted, no related problems, no PTSD, no nightmares, minor paranoia occassionally. However, the mental experience of each person is different, and many do not come out ok.