4 ms·

To an extent, you are correct. But my experience has been slightly different. Having a major-ish depression once or twice a year is customary for me now. This

To an extent, you are correct. But my experience has been slightly different. Having a major-ish depression once or twice a year is customary for me now. This happens no matter how good or bad things in life are going on: whether I'm working on something I really like near an infinity pool in Kuala Lumpur, or whether I'm out of client work and desperate. Alcohol helps me get through that ("you should go to a shrink", anyone?), and then when this periodic depression is done, I'm back to enjoying the things I do. With some occasional alcohol when I feel like it, or when dealing with legacy PHP code (no kidding). One thing I also noticed is having a great, caring, friendly partner reduced my alcohol consumption—significantly.

mercer 10y ago
Depression is unfortunately an active ingredient in my life. And I do agree with you that 'leaning into' the depression can be effective; I've often found that locking myself up at home, neglecting myself, and feeling openly and dramatically sorry for myself somehow made my situation improve much quicker than if I'd fought my depression. But I've really changed my mind about using alcohol or any other mood-altering, addictive substance (which includes food for some!) to cope, especially when it is to cope with depression. See, many people share exactly your experience until suddenly they don't. After years of using alcohol within whatever boundaries they set for themselves, they lose their job and as a result of that they lose their partner. Or they lose their partner in a terrible way (death, cheating, etc.) and get stuck in the 'getting through it' drinking phase because there are no friends to drag them out. Or a close friend/relative dies + losing a job. Basically, too much 'crumbles' at once. This can happen to anyone. As a result, both slowly and somehow suddenly, the boundaries move, things get worse, and it becomes all the harder to get unstuck. The coping mechanism is too effective and the way out too difficult. If they're lucky, something happens to snap them out of it. But even if this does happen, it could take years and cost them a lot. This is a very common story. Shockingly common, in my experience. I've worked with homeless people, had a fair share of 'junkie friends' and a few close family members who were alcoholics. In the vast majority of cases I'd summarize their story as "I became comfortable with alcohol/pills/weed/etc. in my teens and twenties, then too many things went wrong at the same time, and now here I am years later either addicted or avoiding whatever I was hooked on entirely." Of course there are probably plenty of people where this doesn't happen. I hope you're one of them. I don't think things are black and white, and perhaps for some people drugs are a good coping mechanism. But I've seen too much go wrong after years of things going right to not feel a desire to warn (not judge) people at least! Addiction's a bitch.

mercer 10y ago

Depression is unfortunately an active ingredient in my life. And I do agree with you that 'leaning into' the depression can be effective; I've often found that locking myself up at home, neglecting myself, and feeling openly and dramatically sorry for myself somehow made my situation improve much quicker than if I'd fought my depression. But I've really changed my mind about using alcohol or any other mood-altering, addictive substance (which includes food for some!) to cope, especially when it is to cope with depression. See, many people share exactly your experience until suddenly they don't. After years of using alcohol within whatever boundaries they set for themselves, they lose their job and as a result of that they lose their partner. Or they lose their partner in a terrible way (death, cheating, etc.) and get stuck in the 'getting through it' drinking phase because there are no friends to drag them out. Or a close friend/relative dies + losing a job. Basically, too much 'crumbles' at once. This can happen to anyone. As a result, both slowly and somehow suddenly, the boundaries move, things get worse, and it becomes all the harder to get unstuck. The coping mechanism is too effective and the way out too difficult. If they're lucky, something happens to snap them out of it. But even if this does happen, it could take years and cost them a lot. This is a very common story. Shockingly common, in my experience. I've worked with homeless people, had a fair share of 'junkie friends' and a few close family members who were alcoholics. In the vast majority of cases I'd summarize their story as "I became comfortable with alcohol/pills/weed/etc. in my teens and twenties, then too many things went wrong at the same time, and now here I am years later either addicted or avoiding whatever I was hooked on entirely." Of course there are probably plenty of people where this doesn't happen. I hope you're one of them. I don't think things are black and white, and perhaps for some people drugs are a good coping mechanism. But I've seen too much go wrong after years of things going right to not feel a desire to warn (not judge) people at least! Addiction's a bitch.