4 ms·

As a father, I still cant believe how someone might be happier without children, or kids have not made him happier... it is a most fulfilling thing to have a re

• exstudent2 10y ago
  > I am from Europe, not USA, but it is unlikely people are that different there. You would be surprised. Americans receive very strong lifelong messaging about how they should live their life to optimize for immediate comfort. Having and raising children definitely causes strain on one's ability to fulfill the lifestyle that has been marketed to them.
  • theseatoms 10y ago
    Ha, we definitely do. But we also receive lifelong conditioning that raising children should be a central part of one's life. It's pretty easy to convince yourself to be skeptical of this Kool Aid that everyone seems to be drinking.
• Dirlewanger 10y ago
  It may make you happier, but at what cost? Having children is a monumentally massive physical, emotional, financial, and psychological investment. What if there's a problem in the womb and they're born with a physical defect? What if there's a problem at birth and my spouse is now physically scarred for life? What if I get divorced and my wife now legally fucks me out of everything I own, and grooms the children to despise me (something that has become so common in family court that there's a term for it: parental alienation syndrome)? What if a couple years down the road they turn out to be highly autistic? What if they get hit by a bus in their 16th year? What if they turn into a drug addict when they're 19 and never speak to me again? The "what ifs" can go on forever. At some point one has to rationalize whether or not all of this is worth it, to invest so much of oneself into another human being without first considering themselves.
  • deegles 10y ago
    Not to be snarky, but clearly enough people do, otherwise we wouldn't be having this conversation. :)
  • greyman 10y ago
    Ok. But I still believe it is worth it. Anything bad can happen to ones life even without having kids. Despite the risks it is worth it. But of course, it requires to have a good partner who supports family values.
  • Xero 10y ago
    This is the argument I used with the 2 doctors that refused to perform a vasectomy on me when I was age 25. The hereditary history of physical and mental illnesses that run in my family, the economic/environmental projection for the rest of this century as well as the hypotheticals that you listed tip the scales in entirety towards the costs rather than the benefits. None of the nebulous, ineffable personal fulfillments that parents speak of have ever sounded like a basis for a good moral argument for forcing a new life into this world.
  • JoeAltmaier 10y ago
    That's called 'FUD' and it drives lots of decisions. What if ... all of those are small possibilities even added up? Instead let me ask, What if you, as a thoughtful and responsible person do not raise another thoughtful and responsible individual? And instead leave it to the thoughtless and irresponsible. We have to live with that too.
    • Dirlewanger 10y ago
      The outcome without kids is 100% up to me though. With kids, one can still raise them to the best of their abilities and still turn out awful for one reason or another. The second part to that is a different question entirely, and one that goes beyond just one's own happiness.
  • lttlrck 10y ago
    Bad things can happen without kids. Life is full of risks and unknowns you just have to focus on the upside. Having kids is no different - except the upside can be phenomenal.
• drumdance 10y ago
  Depending on which country in Europe, what I've heard is that the social safety net is much better for parents than in the US.