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"When women try to be confident, it can get frowned upon. A man being assertive is a leader, a woman is bossy. Women are quicker to hit walls for just how confi

"When women try to be confident, it can get frowned upon. A man being assertive is a leader, a woman is bossy. Women are quicker to hit walls for just how confident they're allowed to be before they get the "bossy/bitchy" label thrown at them." Confidence has nothing to being 'aggressive' or 'bitchy' or even necessarily 'assertive'. Confidence usually means a lack of fear or anxiety when dealing with tough situations, or the lack of enough hubris to stand up to the anxiety in such scenarios.

Jemmeh 10y ago
Let's say someone is confident enough to ask for a raise-- that can be seen as assertive. A man can be seen as a go-getter. But for women, that assertiveness can be seen as bitching or whining. One of the studies from the article covers this. Here is directly linked: https://www.cfa.harvard.edu/cfawis/bowles.pdf https://www.cfa.harvard.edu/cfawis/bowles.pdf
- jomamaxx 10y ago
  I simply don't agree. I don't doubt there is a 'double standard' when it comes to how men and women are perceived in different scenarios, but 'confidence' is not going to be perceived as 'being bitchy'. So - yes - when a woman gets vocally assertive, commanding, dominant and dismissive - she can bee seen as a 'bitch' whereas a guy might be perceived as simply 'alpha'. However I would add that many guys who act like this are also considered 'jerks' or 'a-holes' - to be frank. But - when a woman asks for a raise - which possibly a sign of confidence - this is not going to be perceived by anyone as 'bitchy'. A woman who, when asked to explain her algorithm, does it with delight, assurance and poise - is not going to be seen as 'bitchy'. The issue of 'power signals' and 'alpha dominance' etc. I think is a whole separate issue from regular, day to day 'confidence' for most people. 95% of guys in the workforce are not aggressive the the point of being douche-bags or considered 'hard alphas' wherein their female counterparts might run the risk of being seen as 'bitches'. Many men who act in an overtly dominant manner actually lack confidence. If they were comfortable in their status they wouldn't need to burn any political capital by risking being a douche. If women are disproportionately likely to be 'less confident' than this may have a lot to do with why they are perceived such a way in leadership positions. FYI, the women that are by far the most 'confident' in business are those that have played team sports. They are used to winning, to losing, to coming together, the ups the downs - they are not 'thrown' by the small things and not afraid. They tend to be more comfortable in their own skins, and when they assume positions of responsibility they act what most of us would describe as 'more normally'. I think the issue of day to day 'confidence' and 'potentially being perceived as a bitch' are completely different things. I know way too many very confident women in business who wouldn't remotely be considered bitches by anyone.

Jemmeh 10y ago

Let's say someone is confident enough to ask for a raise-- that can be seen as assertive. A man can be seen as a go-getter. But for women, that assertiveness can be seen as bitching or whining. One of the studies from the article covers this. Here is directly linked: https://www.cfa.harvard.edu/cfawis/bowles.pdf https://www.cfa.harvard.edu/cfawis/bowles.pdf

jomamaxx 10y ago
I simply don't agree. I don't doubt there is a 'double standard' when it comes to how men and women are perceived in different scenarios, but 'confidence' is not going to be perceived as 'being bitchy'. So - yes - when a woman gets vocally assertive, commanding, dominant and dismissive - she can bee seen as a 'bitch' whereas a guy might be perceived as simply 'alpha'. However I would add that many guys who act like this are also considered 'jerks' or 'a-holes' - to be frank. But - when a woman asks for a raise - which possibly a sign of confidence - this is not going to be perceived by anyone as 'bitchy'. A woman who, when asked to explain her algorithm, does it with delight, assurance and poise - is not going to be seen as 'bitchy'. The issue of 'power signals' and 'alpha dominance' etc. I think is a whole separate issue from regular, day to day 'confidence' for most people. 95% of guys in the workforce are not aggressive the the point of being douche-bags or considered 'hard alphas' wherein their female counterparts might run the risk of being seen as 'bitches'. Many men who act in an overtly dominant manner actually lack confidence. If they were comfortable in their status they wouldn't need to burn any political capital by risking being a douche. If women are disproportionately likely to be 'less confident' than this may have a lot to do with why they are perceived such a way in leadership positions. FYI, the women that are by far the most 'confident' in business are those that have played team sports. They are used to winning, to losing, to coming together, the ups the downs - they are not 'thrown' by the small things and not afraid. They tend to be more comfortable in their own skins, and when they assume positions of responsibility they act what most of us would describe as 'more normally'. I think the issue of day to day 'confidence' and 'potentially being perceived as a bitch' are completely different things. I know way too many very confident women in business who wouldn't remotely be considered bitches by anyone.