5 ms·

Technique is what you probably missing. Try reading a classic like https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/4865.How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influence_People https://www.

by FuNe 10y ago

Technique is what you probably missing. Try reading a classic like https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/4865.How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influence_People https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/4865.How_to_Win_Friends_... Bottom line: You can criticize as long as you wrap it up the 'right' way

mclemme 10y ago
Either you (OP) are initiating or propagating discussions for the sake of the discussion and not to solve the problem at hand OR you are simply direct and honest, which some people see as toxic, especially in large companies and institutions. In my experience you need to be more political (wrap it up the right way) in large companies and institutions. The book FuNe suggests is a classic and a very good read. I've spent my time as a software developer and consultant in both huge, medium and small companies ranging from 1 to 50.000 employees, and the larger the size, the more the "us vs them" inter-departmental bullshit was present. If you're the right kind of honest, you could just become a consultant and get paid 10x more per hour for being honest, for some reason people listen way more intensely to someone they pay a shitton of money to voice their opinion ;)
VeejayRampay 10y ago
Or study the British, they're the world masters at Cadbury-chocolate-covered offensive discussion. PS: This might read as way too broad a statement or as an attack on British people, rest assured that it's not. I genuinely find the British art of social decorum absolutely fascinating and I think it can have tremendous value. Speaking as a Frenchman, I too often witness the cost of being too hot-blooded and blunt in the social rapport.
- dijit 10y ago
  I am British working in Sweden. xD
  - CannisterFlux 10y ago
    Maybe you've been away for too long? :-) Are your colleagues mostly Swedish or English/other? Do you speak in English or Swedish to them? I can imagine if you speak English better than your colleagues then you might imperceptibly/unintentionally treat them like people less intelligent than they are due to having an accent. As a British person working in Europe I've seen it happen, non-UK colleagues I know to be very intelligent are treated ... differently... when talking to someone who speaks english natively. Maybe not "toxic", but in a way I wouldn't appreciate.
    - dijit 10y ago
      I speak English at work, but I couldn't possibly have a superiority complex, they all speak English better than I do.
  - anon1234321 10y ago
    I think we found the problem. You're a raging capitalist and the Swedes are a bunch of commies. I'm joking obviously, but maybe you'd fit in better back home. What's toxic in Sweden might be ambitious in Britain. Cultures are different.
- cmdrfred 10y ago
  My fiance is British and you are spot on. Growing up we dealt with issues in the household directly "Hey asshole it's your turn to wash the dishes". Her family has a different more subtle approach that's hard to verbalize.
- deleted 10y ago
  [deleted]

by FuNe 10y ago

mclemme 10y ago

Either you (OP) are initiating or propagating discussions for the sake of the discussion and not to solve the problem at hand OR you are simply direct and honest, which some people see as toxic, especially in large companies and institutions. In my experience you need to be more political (wrap it up the right way) in large companies and institutions. The book FuNe suggests is a classic and a very good read. I've spent my time as a software developer and consultant in both huge, medium and small companies ranging from 1 to 50.000 employees, and the larger the size, the more the "us vs them" inter-departmental bullshit was present. If you're the right kind of honest, you could just become a consultant and get paid 10x more per hour for being honest, for some reason people listen way more intensely to someone they pay a shitton of money to voice their opinion ;)

VeejayRampay 10y ago

Or study the British, they're the world masters at Cadbury-chocolate-covered offensive discussion. PS: This might read as way too broad a statement or as an attack on British people, rest assured that it's not. I genuinely find the British art of social decorum absolutely fascinating and I think it can have tremendous value. Speaking as a Frenchman, I too often witness the cost of being too hot-blooded and blunt in the social rapport.

dijit 10y ago
I am British working in Sweden. xD
- CannisterFlux 10y ago
  Maybe you've been away for too long? :-) Are your colleagues mostly Swedish or English/other? Do you speak in English or Swedish to them? I can imagine if you speak English better than your colleagues then you might imperceptibly/unintentionally treat them like people less intelligent than they are due to having an accent. As a British person working in Europe I've seen it happen, non-UK colleagues I know to be very intelligent are treated ... differently... when talking to someone who speaks english natively. Maybe not "toxic", but in a way I wouldn't appreciate.
  - dijit 10y ago
    I speak English at work, but I couldn't possibly have a superiority complex, they all speak English better than I do.
- anon1234321 10y ago
  I think we found the problem. You're a raging capitalist and the Swedes are a bunch of commies. I'm joking obviously, but maybe you'd fit in better back home. What's toxic in Sweden might be ambitious in Britain. Cultures are different.
cmdrfred 10y ago
My fiance is British and you are spot on. Growing up we dealt with issues in the household directly "Hey asshole it's your turn to wash the dishes". Her family has a different more subtle approach that's hard to verbalize.
deleted 10y ago
[deleted]