In other news, water is wet. Seriously, what is the news here? Anyone remotely paying attention would know that these apps would not fly on the iOS App Store,

In other news, water is wet. Seriously, what is the news here? Anyone remotely paying attention would know that these apps would not fly on the iOS App Store, satire or not. If you don't like that, then you shouldn't develop for iOS. Personally, I don't use iOS for this very reason.