5 ms·

I was also brought up to greet people, but try to greet neighbors in London, UK and they will look at you like you fell from the sky. Most of them will not even

by asksol 10y ago

I was also brought up to greet people, but try to greet neighbors in London, UK and they will look at you like you fell from the sky. Most of them will not even give a response. Big cities are a lot like this now.

afarrell 10y ago
A big part of the problem is that when you just walk up to someone they don't really know what your intentions are. My wife is actually currently working on this problem though. She is an event planner and has started running meetups specifically for people who are looking to meet new people. It has worked pretty well in the US, but we're actually going to be moving to London (assuming my visa comes through...).
- dvanduzer 10y ago
  The idea is to make yourself visible as someone who is friendly, so that people approach you. (Granted, this might not be something you want to start out with as a total newcomer to a neighborhood like London.)
- asksol 10y ago
  People need more venues to meet new people, but by greeting I meant more like saying "evening!" when you pass your next door neighbor in the hallway. I don't think there's an expectation to chat in this case. If I wanted to chat I'd start with "excuse me," and probably walk up first as you say. A greeting can be made from across the street, and sometimes just lifting your hat in response is enough (I don't have one, but I have seen people do this).
  - afarrell 10y ago
    Yea, that is in fact one reason that I wear a hat.
mrcsparker 10y ago
Keep greeting them - they will come around. I am from the US South and not saying hello (or waving when they pass by) is considered bad manners. I have done this all my life and people have told me that they like it when someone says "good morning" with a smile. Maybe I am lucky or biased, but I don't care. I like it when people are nice and I treat people the way that I want to be treated. I sometimes have to spend a lot of time in New York and the people are the same. I just push through it. They won't change me because I like it when people are pleasant. Plus, the world is a nicer place when people are nice to you.
- smelendez 10y ago
  One problem in New York is that the vast majority of people who try to talk to you on the street want something--they're selling something, canvassing for a candidate, begging, creepily flirting or running a scam--and another big segment are under the influence or mentally ill. Usually the best case is a lost tourist asking for directions. The worst case, that everyone's aware of, is someone trying to get you to stop walking so they can assault you and/or rob you by force or trickery.
  - meddlepal 10y ago
    Yea, totally agree with everything you've said about it being defense mechanism, but the behavior tends to manifest in all aspects of our life and in places where it should not. For example, when I'm sitting in bars and where it's reasonably safe I'm still fairly reserved and I get annoyed when the guy to the left or right of me starts trying to make unsolicited conversation. It's not just me either, when I was younger and first started going out I learned pretty quickly people don't like be disturbed around here any more than I do now.
  - robryan 10y ago
    In Australia what I hate is when people stand outside supermarkets or on shopping strips and say anything to try and get you to stop so they can sell you on something. This might be okay if it was someone trying to tell you about a cause that they genuinely believe in but the majority of the time it is likely someone just working on a commission for whatever charity or group they are trying to sell you on.
dclowd9901 10y ago
Living in Portland now after moving from SF. Jarring at first how many people will actually just look at you, and half the time will actually pop a quick "Mornin'" or "Hi" to you. A friend from NYC was here visiting and expressed how much it freaked him out to have people looking at him in the eye -- given his experience, he felt like they were being aggressive or nosy. Anyway, having originally been from a small rural town in Arizona (where many people just knew each other by last name), it really bothered me how people in SF would seem to actively ignore your existence.
- autotune 10y ago
  I've found plenty of people in SF will look at you, the real problem is figuring out how to connect with them as an introvert. If all you want is for them to do the former just hit the gym more as fitness is a mainstream way to at least have a mutual appreciation of each other in this city, beyond just connecting with other devs and ops people via your open source contributions.
- Legogris 10y ago
  As a Swede coming to SF, it was a refreshing eye-opener how some people actually talked to strangers at all. Here in Sweden, it's literally just panhandlers, salespeople, drunks and the mentally deranged who talk to strangers in public. Every time I have been abroad, I try to bring some of that spontaneity and sociability with me back home.
- Bahamut 10y ago
  I never actually had that shock, and I grew up just north of NYC (near White Plains, a quick train ride right into Manhattan). You quickly learn to size people up and know who is likely to try to sell you something, often by how they dress, their mannerisms, and how they approach you.
- aphextron 10y ago
  >it really bothered me how people in SF would seem to actively ignore your existence. This city is full of insane mental patients walking the streets, which puts normal people on the defensive. You very quickly learn to never make eye contact while walking around, just keep moving and try to ignore it.
dash2 10y ago
I'm afraid it's a London thing. Lot of fear and attitude in that city.
YeGoblynQueenne 10y ago
The thing with British people is, they love to socialise but above everything else they believe there is a time and a place for everything. If stuff happens out of time or place, things get really awkward. If you murder someone during lunch time, they'll be more offended by the indiscretion than the murdering. A good murder should happen during dinner, and the body found just before the cheese is served. Otherwise, it's just not right, know what I'm saying? So if you want to talk to strangers, get yourself in a situation where strangers talk to each other. First stop: your local (pub). Or try gigs, festivals, open-air markets, that soft of thing. Or get a hobby and go to a club for the hobby, that's a great way to make friends (if you're a nerd with a hobby. I'm a nerd with many hobbies and it's worked fine for me). If you just walk up to people on the street, or in the transport, and go "Hi, my name is Joe Schmoe of Peoria, Alabama, I work for Giant Corp Ltd and I have three kids and a wife I love" they'll probably only freak out and clam up. Obviously some won't, but it's a bit of a crap shoot. I bet when you say you 're used to greet people, you also learned there's a time and a place for that too. You won't go and greet a cop making an arrest, or a firefighter putting out a fire, you don't go into insta-greet mode like a mindless automaton every time you see someone. The same goes for talking to people in the UK: you have to be mindful of the social situation. I'm talking like a bloody foreigner here. Brits have a good side and a bad side. The trick is to learn which is the good side, and talk to that side. When they're nice, they're really nice, so it's worth it. Find that good side and say "hi" to it. You won't regret it.
open-source-ux 10y ago
Not all big cities are unfriendly - I think you'll find levels of friendliness in the UK towards strangers differing depending on the city or area. It is a cliche, but the further North (or even West) you go in the UK, people tend to be more amenable to chatting to strangers or striking up a conversation.

by asksol 10y ago

afarrell 10y ago

A big part of the problem is that when you just walk up to someone they don't really know what your intentions are. My wife is actually currently working on this problem though. She is an event planner and has started running meetups specifically for people who are looking to meet new people. It has worked pretty well in the US, but we're actually going to be moving to London (assuming my visa comes through...).

dvanduzer 10y ago
The idea is to make yourself visible as someone who is friendly, so that people approach you. (Granted, this might not be something you want to start out with as a total newcomer to a neighborhood like London.)
asksol 10y ago
People need more venues to meet new people, but by greeting I meant more like saying "evening!" when you pass your next door neighbor in the hallway. I don't think there's an expectation to chat in this case. If I wanted to chat I'd start with "excuse me," and probably walk up first as you say. A greeting can be made from across the street, and sometimes just lifting your hat in response is enough (I don't have one, but I have seen people do this).
- afarrell 10y ago
  Yea, that is in fact one reason that I wear a hat.

mrcsparker 10y ago

Keep greeting them - they will come around. I am from the US South and not saying hello (or waving when they pass by) is considered bad manners. I have done this all my life and people have told me that they like it when someone says "good morning" with a smile. Maybe I am lucky or biased, but I don't care. I like it when people are nice and I treat people the way that I want to be treated. I sometimes have to spend a lot of time in New York and the people are the same. I just push through it. They won't change me because I like it when people are pleasant. Plus, the world is a nicer place when people are nice to you.

smelendez 10y ago
One problem in New York is that the vast majority of people who try to talk to you on the street want something--they're selling something, canvassing for a candidate, begging, creepily flirting or running a scam--and another big segment are under the influence or mentally ill. Usually the best case is a lost tourist asking for directions. The worst case, that everyone's aware of, is someone trying to get you to stop walking so they can assault you and/or rob you by force or trickery.
- meddlepal 10y ago
  Yea, totally agree with everything you've said about it being defense mechanism, but the behavior tends to manifest in all aspects of our life and in places where it should not. For example, when I'm sitting in bars and where it's reasonably safe I'm still fairly reserved and I get annoyed when the guy to the left or right of me starts trying to make unsolicited conversation. It's not just me either, when I was younger and first started going out I learned pretty quickly people don't like be disturbed around here any more than I do now.
- robryan 10y ago
  In Australia what I hate is when people stand outside supermarkets or on shopping strips and say anything to try and get you to stop so they can sell you on something. This might be okay if it was someone trying to tell you about a cause that they genuinely believe in but the majority of the time it is likely someone just working on a commission for whatever charity or group they are trying to sell you on.

dclowd9901 10y ago

Living in Portland now after moving from SF. Jarring at first how many people will actually just look at you, and half the time will actually pop a quick "Mornin'" or "Hi" to you. A friend from NYC was here visiting and expressed how much it freaked him out to have people looking at him in the eye -- given his experience, he felt like they were being aggressive or nosy. Anyway, having originally been from a small rural town in Arizona (where many people just knew each other by last name), it really bothered me how people in SF would seem to actively ignore your existence.

autotune 10y ago
I've found plenty of people in SF will look at you, the real problem is figuring out how to connect with them as an introvert. If all you want is for them to do the former just hit the gym more as fitness is a mainstream way to at least have a mutual appreciation of each other in this city, beyond just connecting with other devs and ops people via your open source contributions.
Legogris 10y ago
As a Swede coming to SF, it was a refreshing eye-opener how some people actually talked to strangers at all. Here in Sweden, it's literally just panhandlers, salespeople, drunks and the mentally deranged who talk to strangers in public. Every time I have been abroad, I try to bring some of that spontaneity and sociability with me back home.
Bahamut 10y ago
I never actually had that shock, and I grew up just north of NYC (near White Plains, a quick train ride right into Manhattan). You quickly learn to size people up and know who is likely to try to sell you something, often by how they dress, their mannerisms, and how they approach you.
aphextron 10y ago
>it really bothered me how people in SF would seem to actively ignore your existence. This city is full of insane mental patients walking the streets, which puts normal people on the defensive. You very quickly learn to never make eye contact while walking around, just keep moving and try to ignore it.

dash2 10y ago

I'm afraid it's a London thing. Lot of fear and attitude in that city.

YeGoblynQueenne 10y ago

The thing with British people is, they love to socialise but above everything else they believe there is a time and a place for everything. If stuff happens out of time or place, things get really awkward. If you murder someone during lunch time, they'll be more offended by the indiscretion than the murdering. A good murder should happen during dinner, and the body found just before the cheese is served. Otherwise, it's just not right, know what I'm saying? So if you want to talk to strangers, get yourself in a situation where strangers talk to each other. First stop: your local (pub). Or try gigs, festivals, open-air markets, that soft of thing. Or get a hobby and go to a club for the hobby, that's a great way to make friends (if you're a nerd with a hobby. I'm a nerd with many hobbies and it's worked fine for me). If you just walk up to people on the street, or in the transport, and go "Hi, my name is Joe Schmoe of Peoria, Alabama, I work for Giant Corp Ltd and I have three kids and a wife I love" they'll probably only freak out and clam up. Obviously some won't, but it's a bit of a crap shoot. I bet when you say you 're used to greet people, you also learned there's a time and a place for that too. You won't go and greet a cop making an arrest, or a firefighter putting out a fire, you don't go into insta-greet mode like a mindless automaton every time you see someone. The same goes for talking to people in the UK: you have to be mindful of the social situation. I'm talking like a bloody foreigner here. Brits have a good side and a bad side. The trick is to learn which is the good side, and talk to that side. When they're nice, they're really nice, so it's worth it. Find that good side and say "hi" to it. You won't regret it.

open-source-ux 10y ago

Not all big cities are unfriendly - I think you'll find levels of friendliness in the UK towards strangers differing depending on the city or area. It is a cliche, but the further North (or even West) you go in the UK, people tend to be more amenable to chatting to strangers or striking up a conversation.