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I see this a lot in high anxiety parents. People who have rearranged their lives around their children rather than letting their children follow their lead. It'

I see this a lot in high anxiety parents. People who have rearranged their lives around their children rather than letting their children follow their lead. It's bad for you and them.

usaphp 10y ago
Why is rearranging your life around your children is bad for you?
- protomyth 10y ago
  Because you need to be you. You have a partner and they need that you too. The kids need to understand that adults need to be adults with adult activities. Subverting everything for the children puts you in stasis and doesn't properly teach the children about growing up and being an individual or how to be with a partner. If the children cannot fill the unstructured time then they will never truly be adults.
  - usaphp 10y ago
    So you can stay partying till 1 am and not spend time with your kids, working till 9 and let a babysitter put your kids to bed? Spend your weekend drinking beer and having fun with your friends instead of teaching your kid riding a bike or something else. Until you have kids you won't realize - it is actually fun and joy to spend your day with your kids and they appreciate it when they grow up and will want to spend time with you when they grow up, instead of not knowing their parents because they spend all time with a baby sitter while their parents are being "adults with adult activities"
    - protomyth 10y ago
      Only on a message board would someone think I said that. We are talking about rearranging your whole life. I am most certainly not saying going to the other extreme.
      - usaphp 10y ago
        So let's say you had a gym session at 8 am, and now you have to drop your kid at school at 8, according to your words "kids should understand that you have your activities" And you can just go to gym while your babysitter will cook breakfast and drop them at school? Why have kids then if you can't and don't want to change something in your life to be with them more?
        protomyth 10y ago
        Nope, that's not what I said or meant. Your a family and you balance. We are talking about people obsessing about scheduling and removing all adult time.
  - TeMPOraL 10y ago
    Makes sense. Kids learn and mimic, they structure your life around you. If you then go and structure your life around them, you end up in a loop that amplifies random noise.
jasonkester 10y ago
This was my biggest surprise in becoming a parent. I had expected that "Me" would effectively come to an end and that "Daddy" would be it from there on out. Everything would revolve around the kids and there would be no time for us parents to do anything just for us. Better get it all out of the system ahead of time because once the kids come, that's it. But I was completely wrong. Our life just sort of carried on as usual, but with kids along. Number One had seven stamps in his passport before his first birthday. Any given Saturday, you'll find the kids playing in the sand in the forest next to the boulders that Mom & Dad are climbing. Kids are just that portable. I'm sure you could still arrange your entire life around your kids, but in reality it just isn't necessary.

I see this a lot in high anxiety parents. People who have rearranged their lives around their children rather than letting their children follow their lead. It's bad for you and them.

usaphp 10y ago

Why is rearranging your life around your children is bad for you?

protomyth 10y ago
Because you need to be you. You have a partner and they need that you too. The kids need to understand that adults need to be adults with adult activities. Subverting everything for the children puts you in stasis and doesn't properly teach the children about growing up and being an individual or how to be with a partner. If the children cannot fill the unstructured time then they will never truly be adults.
- usaphp 10y ago
  So you can stay partying till 1 am and not spend time with your kids, working till 9 and let a babysitter put your kids to bed? Spend your weekend drinking beer and having fun with your friends instead of teaching your kid riding a bike or something else. Until you have kids you won't realize - it is actually fun and joy to spend your day with your kids and they appreciate it when they grow up and will want to spend time with you when they grow up, instead of not knowing their parents because they spend all time with a baby sitter while their parents are being "adults with adult activities"
  - protomyth 10y ago
    Only on a message board would someone think I said that. We are talking about rearranging your whole life. I am most certainly not saying going to the other extreme.
    - usaphp 10y ago
      So let's say you had a gym session at 8 am, and now you have to drop your kid at school at 8, according to your words "kids should understand that you have your activities" And you can just go to gym while your babysitter will cook breakfast and drop them at school? Why have kids then if you can't and don't want to change something in your life to be with them more?
      - protomyth 10y ago
        Nope, that's not what I said or meant. Your a family and you balance. We are talking about people obsessing about scheduling and removing all adult time.
- TeMPOraL 10y ago
  Makes sense. Kids learn and mimic, they structure your life around you. If you then go and structure your life around them, you end up in a loop that amplifies random noise.

jasonkester 10y ago

This was my biggest surprise in becoming a parent. I had expected that "Me" would effectively come to an end and that "Daddy" would be it from there on out. Everything would revolve around the kids and there would be no time for us parents to do anything just for us. Better get it all out of the system ahead of time because once the kids come, that's it. But I was completely wrong. Our life just sort of carried on as usual, but with kids along. Number One had seven stamps in his passport before his first birthday. Any given Saturday, you'll find the kids playing in the sand in the forest next to the boulders that Mom & Dad are climbing. Kids are just that portable. I'm sure you could still arrange your entire life around your kids, but in reality it just isn't necessary.