4 ms·

I've had to tell women that I have a girlfriend. It implies you are in a committed relationship. You seem to have taken it to the level of ownership, which is

by dsl 10y ago

I've had to tell women that I have a girlfriend. It implies you are in a committed relationship. You seem to have taken it to the level of ownership, which is not healthy in a relationship period.

Blackthorn 10y ago
He's not implying anything. The sad truth that I've seen play out over and over again is that men won't respect a women saying no, but they'll respect another man's "claim" on her.
- y4mi 10y ago
  this claim of yours is retarted. they'd respect a females 'claim' as well. its just that they don't accept "no" if the person in question isn't in a relationship. This is not sexist. nonetheless still annoying to the pursued person, but thats a different story
  - smt88 10y ago
    1) Personal attacks aren't allowed on HN. 2) I love it when people call others "retarted". If you're going to attack someone's intelligence, you should at least spell the word correctly.
    - karmajunkie 10y ago
      And also one should not use intellectual disability as an attack on another.
smt88 10y ago
> I've had to tell women that I have a girlfriend. I believe you. But did you have to say it in order to be taken seriously at work? Did you have to say it to feel safe? There are women who wear fake engagement or wedding rings in order to be left alone when in public. How many men would consider that? The key part of the issue is not, "Does this happen to someone at all?" It does happen to both men and women. The real problem is how frequently it happens (and whether it happens at work). You can't just invert every woman's issue and say, "This isn't a woman's issue because at least one man suffers from it." Even if you're the most attractive man alive and get harassed all the time, your experience isn't typical of men. Men are typically not sexually harassed at work or walking down the street. Women are. Here's an interesting look at this from the perspective of people who were women and transitioned into men: http://time.com/transgender-men-sexism/ http://time.com/transgender-men-sexism/ > You seem to have taken it to the level of ownership, which is not healthy in a relationship period. I agree that ownership in a relationship isn't healthy, but it's still a common mindset. Monogamous relationships were literally a form of ownership by law, and they are still widely viewed as a form of ownership. Up to 28% of Americans think the Bible should be taken literally[1], and the Bible describes marriage as mutual ownership[2]. In 2008, that number was 40%. The Texas attorney general recently used language implying that men own women[3]. You can also think about the general language used when talking about significant others: "s/he's mine" for example. Most love songs about cheating are attacks not on the significant other, but on the person who "stole" the significant other. 1. http://www.gallup.com/poll/170834/three-four-bible-word-god.aspx http://www.gallup.com/poll/170834/three-four-bible-word-god.... 2. http://biblehub.com/1_corinthians/7-4.htm http://biblehub.com/1_corinthians/7-4.htm 3. http://www.dailykos.com/story/2016/4/29/1521428/-Texas-AG-Dan-Patrick-Thinks-Men-Own-Wives-and-Daughters http://www.dailykos.com/story/2016/4/29/1521428/-Texas-AG-Da...

by dsl 10y ago

I've had to tell women that I have a girlfriend. It implies you are in a committed relationship. You seem to have taken it to the level of ownership, which is not healthy in a relationship period.

Blackthorn 10y ago

He's not implying anything. The sad truth that I've seen play out over and over again is that men won't respect a women saying no, but they'll respect another man's "claim" on her.

y4mi 10y ago
this claim of yours is retarted. they'd respect a females 'claim' as well. its just that they don't accept "no" if the person in question isn't in a relationship. This is not sexist. nonetheless still annoying to the pursued person, but thats a different story
- smt88 10y ago
  1) Personal attacks aren't allowed on HN. 2) I love it when people call others "retarted". If you're going to attack someone's intelligence, you should at least spell the word correctly.
  - karmajunkie 10y ago
    And also one should not use intellectual disability as an attack on another.

smt88 10y ago

> I've had to tell women that I have a girlfriend. I believe you. But did you have to say it in order to be taken seriously at work? Did you have to say it to feel safe? There are women who wear fake engagement or wedding rings in order to be left alone when in public. How many men would consider that? The key part of the issue is not, "Does this happen to someone at all?" It does happen to both men and women. The real problem is how frequently it happens (and whether it happens at work). You can't just invert every woman's issue and say, "This isn't a woman's issue because at least one man suffers from it." Even if you're the most attractive man alive and get harassed all the time, your experience isn't typical of men. Men are typically not sexually harassed at work or walking down the street. Women are. Here's an interesting look at this from the perspective of people who were women and transitioned into men: http://time.com/transgender-men-sexism/ http://time.com/transgender-men-sexism/ > You seem to have taken it to the level of ownership, which is not healthy in a relationship period. I agree that ownership in a relationship isn't healthy, but it's still a common mindset. Monogamous relationships were literally a form of ownership by law, and they are still widely viewed as a form of ownership. Up to 28% of Americans think the Bible should be taken literally[1], and the Bible describes marriage as mutual ownership[2]. In 2008, that number was 40%. The Texas attorney general recently used language implying that men own women[3]. You can also think about the general language used when talking about significant others: "s/he's mine" for example. Most love songs about cheating are attacks not on the significant other, but on the person who "stole" the significant other. 1. http://www.gallup.com/poll/170834/three-four-bible-word-god.aspx http://www.gallup.com/poll/170834/three-four-bible-word-god.... 2. http://biblehub.com/1_corinthians/7-4.htm http://biblehub.com/1_corinthians/7-4.htm 3. http://www.dailykos.com/story/2016/4/29/1521428/-Texas-AG-Dan-Patrick-Thinks-Men-Own-Wives-and-Daughters http://www.dailykos.com/story/2016/4/29/1521428/-Texas-AG-Da...