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30 year old male here... I'm not really happy for feeling this way, but I treat relationships with women not unlike I treat my jobs/career. With my career: I
by risotto 17y ago
30 year old male here... I'm not really happy for feeling this way, but I treat relationships with women not unlike I treat my jobs/career.
With my career:
I get bored after 1 year, and have never stayed at a company for more than 18 months. Once I understand a company/team, it's hard to picture settling for this position and the realistic growth prospects forever. I'm always networking to find the next job/startup that is more promising than what I have now.
You can fill in the parallels with women, except these feelings creep in even faster.
The confusing bit is, doing this with a job is rewarded. My salary and reputation is much higher for moving around than staying one place.
It's not dissimilar with women. I've been dating more and more attractive women, and I have an easier time bagging them, then dumping them quickly or converting to a relationship depending on how I feel.
I'm a pretty humble person, but on good days I think I will continue to churn through new opportunities for 10 more years, and becoming a rich startup founder with a cool, hot wife isn't out of the question.
At least with respect to his career, how many HN readers don't think this way?
But more and more days now I feel weary. I don't want to work on tons side projects in case they take off, I don't want to hit on strangers at the bar. I want to work reasonable hours, and come home to a woman that is happy to see me.
But still that voice tells me not to settle... When will it, if ever?
- noverloop 17y agoI'm not sure if my situation is comparable since I'm a lot younger then you are and I haven't married yet. but I can relate to the feelings you describe. I settled when my ego bursted into shiny balls of flame and I really needed someone I could trust 100%. shifting your ambition away from relationships and learning to compromise is the hardest part.
- risotto 17y agoOh, I dig the "trust 100%" part. When I act like a sociopath and dump a job or a woman, trust issues are always a big part of it. I don't trust my boss/girlfriend enough to talk to him/her about what makes me uneasy, and/or do anything to improve things. So I just cut it off. I am lucky enough right now to have a woman that I trust 99%. I'm still unsure about moving in and marriage, but you made me realize how important she is in my life. She is a friend and a teammate that I can bounce anything off of. I don't always love what she tells me but it feels better than keeping secrets. I'm going to do my best to get that to 100%, and make sure she feels the same way about me.
- switch 17y agoit seems to me that you have the same thread manifesting in most aspects of your life. the getting from 99% to 100% part is good. Perhaps you won't be able to get beyond 99% because of something in your past that makes you reluctant to do 100%. 99% is pretty fucking good if you ask me.