3 ms·

Why don't you surprise me by not downvoting this after reading just the first sentence, because it is a serious question: Is "never forget" really the best res

by rdiddly 10y ago

Why don't you surprise me by not downvoting this after reading just the first sentence, because it is a serious question: Is "never forget" really the best response to a trauma in the first place? I'm not sure this is a settled question. If I'm raped let's say, should I carry that rape vividly in my head every day for the rest of my life, in the hopes of avoiding it in the future? If I do that, haven't I already in fact ruined that future by thinking about the same trauma every day and making it part of my reality? Also, if you believe some people, that which you think about constantly, even for purposes of avoiding it, is exactly what you bring into being, in both subtle and, some say concretely manifest ways. Maybe instead I should try to forget the incident (knowing I never really will, but letting go of it as much as possible) and move on with my life? Those who are haunted by traumatic memories would probably love to forget them if they had the option. What if we utterly forgot about Hitler. Would we be worse off, really? Do we NEED to study injustice to learn justice? Do we need to study brutality to learn kindness? Or do we just get our hands dirty by acculturating ourselves to things that are not justice, not kindness? Again I'd say it's far from a settled question.

dredmorbius 10y ago
What I see as most useful is incorporating the lessons of the experience to avoid it in future. Recognising a problem, particularly a complex one based in dynamics of a situation, is often difficult. Systemic resposes, feedback, nonlinearity, stocasticity, unknown external inputs, etc., etc., mean that life isn't deterministic. At the same time, there are signs of things Not Going Well. To take the relationship / rape case, there are red flags and circumstances in which unwanted outcomes are more likely. Knowing these and being aware of them can make all the difference. While catastrophic events can themselves be hugely truamatic, a small action early on can often avoid them. In complex circumstances where you've got to convince others of the problem, this can be ... complicated. https://www.reddit.com/r/dredmorbius/comments/2fsr0g/hierarchy_of_failures_in_problem_resolution/ https://www.reddit.com/r/dredmorbius/comments/2fsr0g/hierarc... Ultimately, what you're looking for is the ability to take a traumatic experience and build behavioral responses which avoid it in future. The "never forget* element is part of that -- the size and brightness of the red flag. But responding to that flag appropriately is the other part. (And if the red flags have white circles and reversed swastikas, pay all the more heed.)
chippy 10y ago
"Lest we forget" is a better maxim.
dang 10y ago
> Why don't you surprise me by not downvoting Please follow the HN guidelines and edit this kind of thing out of your comments here. https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

by rdiddly 10y ago

dredmorbius 10y ago

What I see as most useful is incorporating the lessons of the experience to avoid it in future. Recognising a problem, particularly a complex one based in dynamics of a situation, is often difficult. Systemic resposes, feedback, nonlinearity, stocasticity, unknown external inputs, etc., etc., mean that life isn't deterministic. At the same time, there are signs of things Not Going Well. To take the relationship / rape case, there are red flags and circumstances in which unwanted outcomes are more likely. Knowing these and being aware of them can make all the difference. While catastrophic events can themselves be hugely truamatic, a small action early on can often avoid them. In complex circumstances where you've got to convince others of the problem, this can be ... complicated. https://www.reddit.com/r/dredmorbius/comments/2fsr0g/hierarchy_of_failures_in_problem_resolution/ https://www.reddit.com/r/dredmorbius/comments/2fsr0g/hierarc... Ultimately, what you're looking for is the ability to take a traumatic experience and build behavioral responses which avoid it in future. The "never forget* element is part of that -- the size and brightness of the red flag. But responding to that flag appropriately is the other part. (And if the red flags have white circles and reversed swastikas, pay all the more heed.)

chippy 10y ago

"Lest we forget" is a better maxim.

dang 10y ago

> Why don't you surprise me by not downvoting Please follow the HN guidelines and edit this kind of thing out of your comments here. https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html