4 ms·

Notice how many cries are due to relationship-based issues. You are putting yourself at serious emotional risk if you allow your happiness to be driven by anot

Notice how many cries are due to relationship-based issues. You are putting yourself at serious emotional risk if you allow your happiness to be driven by another person, regardless of who it is. IMHO, your emotional success should be based upon things you can control, and if it's not, then you need to make more rapid decisions as to who or what is allowed to take part in your life.

marcusestes 10y ago
So your recipe for, "emotional success" is to not be affected by other people? Got it.
- rarec 10y ago
  Is it really wrong though? Making your emotional state dependent on others is a terrible thing to do to yourself, because people can be fickle and change. Emotional independence is tremendously helpful for emotional well-being.
  - AnimalMuppet 10y ago
    "To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell." - C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves Yeah, you can get hurt. For sure, be wise about who you become emotionally dependent on. But not having your emotions entangled with another's is to miss one of the great joys of being alive.
    - ohyesyes 10y ago
      I've experienced that "great joy" too many times. For some people, the harm is a lot more than the good... you get used to the good quickly, but it takes a lot more time to get used to the harm.
- MicroBerto 10y ago
  More or less. Set goals that are within your control - I find that mine are more tied to personal health, intellectual pursuit, and business. Not many people can affect those, but I sure can. Personal responsibility is a great thing.
cylinder 10y ago
Citation needed. You seem to be quite certain that control is the means to happiness yet have not offered any reason to believe this.
- deleted 10y ago
  [deleted]
- MicroBerto 10y ago
  Not control over other people, but control over situations that put you in an emotional state -- where possible, at least. Death is one thing we can't control. Also, I'm not sure if you know what IMHO means, but it stands for "in my humble opinion". I don't need a citation to have opinions, I have wisdom and experience. And they've shown time and time again that people who put a majority of their emotional state in other peoples' hands are quite often disappointed and live messy, uncontrolled lives.
wdmeldon 10y ago
One thing I noticed is that the breakup basically drowned out all the other triggers for crying.
munificent 10y ago
> You are putting yourself at serious emotional risk Yes, a relationship is an emotional risk. But without risk, there is no reward. A log of her moments of joy, warmth, love, contentedness, etc. might show that relationship in a very different light.

marcusestes 10y ago

So your recipe for, "emotional success" is to not be affected by other people? Got it.

rarec 10y ago
Is it really wrong though? Making your emotional state dependent on others is a terrible thing to do to yourself, because people can be fickle and change. Emotional independence is tremendously helpful for emotional well-being.
- AnimalMuppet 10y ago
  "To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell." - C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves Yeah, you can get hurt. For sure, be wise about who you become emotionally dependent on. But not having your emotions entangled with another's is to miss one of the great joys of being alive.
  - ohyesyes 10y ago
    I've experienced that "great joy" too many times. For some people, the harm is a lot more than the good... you get used to the good quickly, but it takes a lot more time to get used to the harm.
MicroBerto 10y ago
More or less. Set goals that are within your control - I find that mine are more tied to personal health, intellectual pursuit, and business. Not many people can affect those, but I sure can. Personal responsibility is a great thing.

cylinder 10y ago

Citation needed. You seem to be quite certain that control is the means to happiness yet have not offered any reason to believe this.

deleted 10y ago
[deleted]
MicroBerto 10y ago
Not control over other people, but control over situations that put you in an emotional state -- where possible, at least. Death is one thing we can't control. Also, I'm not sure if you know what IMHO means, but it stands for "in my humble opinion". I don't need a citation to have opinions, I have wisdom and experience. And they've shown time and time again that people who put a majority of their emotional state in other peoples' hands are quite often disappointed and live messy, uncontrolled lives.

wdmeldon 10y ago

One thing I noticed is that the breakup basically drowned out all the other triggers for crying.

munificent 10y ago

> You are putting yourself at serious emotional risk Yes, a relationship is an emotional risk. But without risk, there is no reward. A log of her moments of joy, warmth, love, contentedness, etc. might show that relationship in a very different light.