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I got a pair of $400 Prada sunglasses as a "gift" from a Chinese student, first week of school. I was told it would be extremely rude to not accept a gift in Ch

I got a pair of $400 Prada sunglasses as a "gift" from a Chinese student, first week of school. I was told it would be extremely rude to not accept a gift in Chinese culture. The student was very confused when a lower than expected grade was received.

studentrob 10y ago
Where was this? In China?
- Ivannahack 10y ago
  In the US
  - studentrob 10y ago
    In what year? I find it hard to believe that someone studying in the US hasn't been briefed by other students that this is not part of American culture, particularly in the digital age Assuming it happened recently, my guess is this is more the exception than the rule
    - Ivannahack 10y ago
      Student was definitely in the 1%. His dad owns a company that's on stock market, he has his own gaming servers company in China. He wore suits worth more than my monthly salary.
      - studentrob 10y ago
        That explains a lot. Kid knows exactly how business works, though maybe misses the point that gift-giving is viewed as a negative thing in the West, particularly in education. Schools' reputation for integrity of calculated grades is everything for that business.
munchbunny 10y ago
Yeah that puts you in a really weird position. Speaking as someone who grew up with a foot in both worlds, the best way to handle it is to refuse the gift as inappropriate in American academic culture. (I'm assuming this was in an American institution.) Also refusing a gift isn't extremely rude in Chinese culture if it's in the nebulous "I scratch your back you scratch mine" gray area that might be bribery. Accepting is basically signing on for the "deal". If a family member is visiting me and brought a gift, it would be rude to refuse beyond the culturally customary back and forth in which I put on a show of refusing. But if I were a TA and a new student tried to give me a pair of Prada sunglasses, I would outright refuse it, and possibly act insulted/offended by the thought.
- studentrob 10y ago
  > Also refusing a gift isn't extremely rude in Chinese culture if it's in the nebulous "I scratch your back you scratch mine" gray area that might be bribery. Accepting is basically signing on for the "deal". So, the person who tells you it is rude to decline, is really just attempting to persuade you to "sign the deal". After living in Asia for a few years, I can understand how accepting gifts from family members and pretending to decline them is a form of showing respect. I wonder how that developed and why the straightforward Western approach of simply saying, "this is an amazing gift, thank you so much" isn't more common. Westerners do sometimes say "you shouldn't have" while accepting gifts. We only try to decline the most over-the-top gifts. I guess levels of "politeness" vary across cultures and from situation to situation. In the case of giving and receiving gifts, China's culture appears to be more polite At any rate, similar to pushing education on other parts of the world, the act of making this a cultural norm seems to make the act lose its meaning, particularly for people outside the culture, like me. I wonder whether government officials in China really believe in education, and how many view it as a charade. I tend to think it's only a charade when viewed as a charade, and only helpful when viewed as helpful. Education is what it is to you
  - Ivannahack 10y ago
    This was in 2013. We had a Chinese liaison/translator who worked with us in the USA-she's the one who convinced me not to return the gift. It could be she also got a gift and had an interest in keeping it-couldn't say for sure.

studentrob 10y ago

Where was this? In China?

Ivannahack 10y ago
In the US
- studentrob 10y ago
  In what year? I find it hard to believe that someone studying in the US hasn't been briefed by other students that this is not part of American culture, particularly in the digital age Assuming it happened recently, my guess is this is more the exception than the rule
  - Ivannahack 10y ago
    Student was definitely in the 1%. His dad owns a company that's on stock market, he has his own gaming servers company in China. He wore suits worth more than my monthly salary.
    - studentrob 10y ago
      That explains a lot. Kid knows exactly how business works, though maybe misses the point that gift-giving is viewed as a negative thing in the West, particularly in education. Schools' reputation for integrity of calculated grades is everything for that business.

munchbunny 10y ago

Yeah that puts you in a really weird position. Speaking as someone who grew up with a foot in both worlds, the best way to handle it is to refuse the gift as inappropriate in American academic culture. (I'm assuming this was in an American institution.) Also refusing a gift isn't extremely rude in Chinese culture if it's in the nebulous "I scratch your back you scratch mine" gray area that might be bribery. Accepting is basically signing on for the "deal". If a family member is visiting me and brought a gift, it would be rude to refuse beyond the culturally customary back and forth in which I put on a show of refusing. But if I were a TA and a new student tried to give me a pair of Prada sunglasses, I would outright refuse it, and possibly act insulted/offended by the thought.

studentrob 10y ago
> Also refusing a gift isn't extremely rude in Chinese culture if it's in the nebulous "I scratch your back you scratch mine" gray area that might be bribery. Accepting is basically signing on for the "deal". So, the person who tells you it is rude to decline, is really just attempting to persuade you to "sign the deal". After living in Asia for a few years, I can understand how accepting gifts from family members and pretending to decline them is a form of showing respect. I wonder how that developed and why the straightforward Western approach of simply saying, "this is an amazing gift, thank you so much" isn't more common. Westerners do sometimes say "you shouldn't have" while accepting gifts. We only try to decline the most over-the-top gifts. I guess levels of "politeness" vary across cultures and from situation to situation. In the case of giving and receiving gifts, China's culture appears to be more polite At any rate, similar to pushing education on other parts of the world, the act of making this a cultural norm seems to make the act lose its meaning, particularly for people outside the culture, like me. I wonder whether government officials in China really believe in education, and how many view it as a charade. I tend to think it's only a charade when viewed as a charade, and only helpful when viewed as helpful. Education is what it is to you
- Ivannahack 10y ago
  This was in 2013. We had a Chinese liaison/translator who worked with us in the USA-she's the one who convinced me not to return the gift. It could be she also got a gift and had an interest in keeping it-couldn't say for sure.