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My wife, myself, and my baby are all moving back in with the parents in a few months time. They have a McMansion, so from a cost and space efficiency standpoint

My wife, myself, and my baby are all moving back in with the parents in a few months time. They have a McMansion, so from a cost and space efficiency standpoint it makes great sense. Plus, free baby sitting. It has always weirded me out how easily people discount the benefits of learning from their elders in the states. We feel lucky to give our daughter a lot of exposure to decades of life experience and wisdom.

kilroy123 10y ago
I think there is more family dysfunction than other cultures. This is purely speculative, and based on my own experience. I could NOT live with my family. It would be non-stop fighting and absolute dysfunction.
- jupiter90000 10y ago
  This is always interesting to think about. In the US, living with parents after adult age seems to equate to enmeshment and codependency between parent and child. I think codependency is particularly definable in cultures like America's where individualism is valued. An Asian family doing the same thing may be seen as not-codependent due to a culture of not going against your family and collectivism rather than individualism. I would go insane living with my family or at least have a reduced sense of freedom, but I'm American so I've got the freedom and individualism values deeply embedded.
  - whatever_dude 10y ago
    I believe other cultures have just as much of a sense of freedom and individualism, but the family dynamics are different in a way that parents themselves understand that freedom. If you moved back with your parents, I assume the problems would be as much yours as theirs. As if they would expect to still be treating you as a child. I've seen that with all my American friends and relatives and that's the reason all of them hate being home: they cannot stand their parents treating them as kids. It's a really weird thing. In other cultures I have experience with (South America), the kids' individualism and freedom grow as they grow, even if they're under the same roof. In other words, their identity comes from their own growth, not from being sent away. It's common for people to still live with their parents well into their 30s -- normally, until they get married, although it's common to just move your partner in. And when that happens, they normally share (and gradually take over) the costs and burden of living in the house.
    - jupiter90000 10y ago
      Cool perspective, I never considered that, makes sense!
    - AnimalMuppet 10y ago
      That requires the parents to change the way that they interact with their children over time. That can be hard, especially if you never saw an example of it while growing up.
  - whichfawkes 10y ago
    In a country where it's comparatively unusual to need to live with your parents for financial reasons, the set of people living with their parents is composed mostly of those who live with them for nonfinancial reasons, like codependency. If everyone in the US was poorer and had to live with their parents, then it wouldn't be correlated with codependency at all, just "not being rich" - or "being normal". Certainly you'd rather be rich, but in this case it'd be normal to live with your parents and you wouldn't make assumptions about people over it. I certainly hope I'm dead before we get to that point though...
- cortesoft 10y ago
  The disfunction is everywhere. Other countries might just accept the disfunction, whereas in the US we react by moving out.
whichfawkes 10y ago
I am definitely not discounting the benefits. I'd have a lot more money if I lived with my parents. Still, I plan to avoid it because of the toll on my psychological well-being...
shostack 10y ago
I don't think people easily discount the benefits. I think it is a tough decision between an advantageous financial/child-rearing decision (in most cases) versus independence and decision-making power when you own a house and choose where you live.

kilroy123 10y ago

I think there is more family dysfunction than other cultures. This is purely speculative, and based on my own experience. I could NOT live with my family. It would be non-stop fighting and absolute dysfunction.

jupiter90000 10y ago
This is always interesting to think about. In the US, living with parents after adult age seems to equate to enmeshment and codependency between parent and child. I think codependency is particularly definable in cultures like America's where individualism is valued. An Asian family doing the same thing may be seen as not-codependent due to a culture of not going against your family and collectivism rather than individualism. I would go insane living with my family or at least have a reduced sense of freedom, but I'm American so I've got the freedom and individualism values deeply embedded.
- whatever_dude 10y ago
  I believe other cultures have just as much of a sense of freedom and individualism, but the family dynamics are different in a way that parents themselves understand that freedom. If you moved back with your parents, I assume the problems would be as much yours as theirs. As if they would expect to still be treating you as a child. I've seen that with all my American friends and relatives and that's the reason all of them hate being home: they cannot stand their parents treating them as kids. It's a really weird thing. In other cultures I have experience with (South America), the kids' individualism and freedom grow as they grow, even if they're under the same roof. In other words, their identity comes from their own growth, not from being sent away. It's common for people to still live with their parents well into their 30s -- normally, until they get married, although it's common to just move your partner in. And when that happens, they normally share (and gradually take over) the costs and burden of living in the house.
  - jupiter90000 10y ago
    Cool perspective, I never considered that, makes sense!
  - AnimalMuppet 10y ago
    That requires the parents to change the way that they interact with their children over time. That can be hard, especially if you never saw an example of it while growing up.
- whichfawkes 10y ago
  In a country where it's comparatively unusual to need to live with your parents for financial reasons, the set of people living with their parents is composed mostly of those who live with them for nonfinancial reasons, like codependency. If everyone in the US was poorer and had to live with their parents, then it wouldn't be correlated with codependency at all, just "not being rich" - or "being normal". Certainly you'd rather be rich, but in this case it'd be normal to live with your parents and you wouldn't make assumptions about people over it. I certainly hope I'm dead before we get to that point though...
cortesoft 10y ago
The disfunction is everywhere. Other countries might just accept the disfunction, whereas in the US we react by moving out.

whichfawkes 10y ago

I am definitely not discounting the benefits. I'd have a lot more money if I lived with my parents. Still, I plan to avoid it because of the toll on my psychological well-being...

shostack 10y ago

I don't think people easily discount the benefits. I think it is a tough decision between an advantageous financial/child-rearing decision (in most cases) versus independence and decision-making power when you own a house and choose where you live.