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There are behaviors that are definitely creepy and should be avoided. People are willing to overlook them if they find the person attractive. That doesn't chang

by scarmig 10y ago

There are behaviors that are definitely creepy and should be avoided. People are willing to overlook them if they find the person attractive. That doesn't change the fact that it's best to avoid those behaviors, and that you can simultaneously be unattractive, non-creepy, and successful in social situations. It's unfair in the way that unattractiveness is always unfair--no matter what you do, you're judged by a much harsher standard than anyone else, and people desperately want to diminish that reality so they can continue to believe in just world fallacies and retain a sense of control about what happens to them. But in the end there's only two ways to respond: understandably bitter anger at the unfairness of the world, or getting over it. Neither will fix the world, but one will make you happy.

thaumasiotes 10y ago
> There are behaviors that are definitely creepy and should be avoided. People are willing to overlook them if they find the person attractive. That doesn't change the fact that it's best to avoid those behaviors That isn't what people are talking about. Girls welcome being hit on by guys they find attractive. They hate it from guys they don't find attractive. It's not that the attractive person is doing something they'd be better off not doing but their attractiveness overcomes it, it's that the same behavior is good when an attractive person does it and bad when an unattractive person does it. Just look at your sibling comment -- https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=11706332 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=11706332
- scarmig 10y ago
  Protocol there would be to make sure you have consent before dancing sexually aggressively with someone. That attractive folks get mostly a free pass to circumvent that doesn't change the protocol.
jddjdbdbd3 10y ago
How does one get over it? I just can't do it. I still have a vengeful hatred of the world and I'm pushing 40. I'm fairly certain that it's this that creeps people out in my case as I'm a solid 8 out of 10 in attractiveness.
sheepleherd 10y ago
just as a counterargument to the "unfairness of unattractiveness"... that attractiveness is desirable isn't "unfair", it's just the definition of attractiveness. If physical attractiveness didn't matter, "overall losers" (by whatever definition) would complain that wealth, intelligence, charm, IQ, education, social class, or whatever else shouldn't matter either. It just seem like people are demanding a world where we'd all just screw whoever we bumped into, or nobody or... what, decide it by the roll of a 20 sided die? That we have attractiveness might be seen as an interesting thing, like we have delicious foods and beautiful art. Of course, nobody wants to lose on any score, but people do like winning, and winning by its nature creates losers.

by scarmig 10y ago

thaumasiotes 10y ago

> There are behaviors that are definitely creepy and should be avoided. People are willing to overlook them if they find the person attractive. That doesn't change the fact that it's best to avoid those behaviors That isn't what people are talking about. Girls welcome being hit on by guys they find attractive. They hate it from guys they don't find attractive. It's not that the attractive person is doing something they'd be better off not doing but their attractiveness overcomes it, it's that the same behavior is good when an attractive person does it and bad when an unattractive person does it. Just look at your sibling comment -- https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=11706332 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=11706332

scarmig 10y ago
Protocol there would be to make sure you have consent before dancing sexually aggressively with someone. That attractive folks get mostly a free pass to circumvent that doesn't change the protocol.

jddjdbdbd3 10y ago

How does one get over it? I just can't do it. I still have a vengeful hatred of the world and I'm pushing 40. I'm fairly certain that it's this that creeps people out in my case as I'm a solid 8 out of 10 in attractiveness.

sheepleherd 10y ago

just as a counterargument to the "unfairness of unattractiveness"... that attractiveness is desirable isn't "unfair", it's just the definition of attractiveness. If physical attractiveness didn't matter, "overall losers" (by whatever definition) would complain that wealth, intelligence, charm, IQ, education, social class, or whatever else shouldn't matter either. It just seem like people are demanding a world where we'd all just screw whoever we bumped into, or nobody or... what, decide it by the roll of a 20 sided die? That we have attractiveness might be seen as an interesting thing, like we have delicious foods and beautiful art. Of course, nobody wants to lose on any score, but people do like winning, and winning by its nature creates losers.