3 ms·

Why should it be hideous? Let me try an analogy. Discrimination based on sexual orientation is illegal in a lot of places, and seen as equally bad as discrimin

Why should it be hideous? Let me try an analogy. Discrimination based on sexual orientation is illegal in a lot of places, and seen as equally bad as discrimination based on race. But there are plenty of dating sites that are exclusively targeted to gay men or lesbian women. If you think that race segregating dating sites are bad, then what are dating sites that segregate on sexual orientation? Are they also bad? But a gay dating site that didn't segregate on sexual orientation would be completely useless! And to the extent gay men are members of non-segregating dating sites, they will definitely filter out all the women and be filtered out by all the straight men, so in essence they would self-segregate. We have anti-discrimination laws because race or gender or sexual orientation are irrelevant in some areas, such as the ability to perform a job. That's why it's illegal to deny a job applicant based on those attributes. But when it comes to dating, those attributes are relevant! Incredibly relevant! Everyone has preferences when it comes to dating, and it not racist to only date people of one's own race. It is not sexist to only date people of one's preferred gender. It is not bad to want to date people that share your culture, your religion, your world view. It is not bad or distasteful to have segregated dating sites.

petercooper 17y ago
First, if race-specific dating sites aren't offensive to you (and to me, they ARE) then why not race-specific bars? Or race-specific public transport? But there are plenty of dating sites that are exclusively targeted to gay men or lesbian women. If you think that race segregating dating sites are bad, then what are dating sites that segregate on sexual orientation? Are they also bad? No, because dating is entirely about sexual orientation. Straight men date straight women. Gay men date gay men. And so on. When it comes to race, however, that argument doesn't hold up. There's no biological reason for a straight man to date a gay man. There's also no biological reason, however, for a straight white man to avoid non-white women. If one has a personal preference, that's OK to exercise passively, but holing yourself up in a segregated community is rather anachronistic. If there should be racially based dating sites, should there be bars/leisure facilities/supermarkets for white/black people to hang out who don't like being in the company of people of other races? My opinion is "hell no", but if you disagree, well that's your opinion. (I'm sure people have dated folks with incompatible sexual preferences in the past, but that's pretty much incompatible with the whole idea of dating.)
- jrockway 17y ago
  First, if race-specific dating sites aren't offensive to you (and to me, they ARE) then why not race-specific bars? Or race-specific public transport? Because wanting to fuck someone is different than being willing to share a bus with them. Relationships are the deepest and most personal human activity, and that activity is vastly different from public infrastructure (public transit, stores, bars, etc.)
  - petercooper 17y ago
    It's more ethically acceptable to discriminate racially when it's about really serious stuff? There's a vast gulf between saying "I prefer white/black people and tend to only look for that type I prefer" and saying "I will ONLY date white/black people so gimme a whites/blacks only dating site." I tend to work better (in an employment sense) with men, but I'd never dream of using a "men only" employment/freelance site or similar as there are some women who've turned out to be awesome to work with. I wouldn't let my personal preferences draw me into the tunnel vision of blind discrimination.
    - jrockway 17y ago
      I am only speculating, as I am not into single-race dating sites (and for some reason, have never seriously dated anyone of the same race; but that's coincidence, not preference). But I think the issue is that there is absolutely no rational reason why you could possibly not want to share a public space with someone of a different race. When you're on the train, you don't have to interact, you just have to sit there. So the fact that other people are there is irrelevant, which makes their race even more irrelevant. Dating is different, you are going to be spending most of your time with this person, and you are going to be putting parts of your body into parts of theirs. It would be nice if everyone was so enlightened as to not care about race, but there is 10,000+ years of evolutionary pressure pushing things the other direction. So while I wouldn't limit myself to one race, I am not going to look down on people who do. What matters about "racism" is not what you think, it's how you act. You may hate all $foo people, but if you hire a $foo person because he is more qualified than the $bar people, you've done your duty to society. Who you choose to fuck, though, is less important to society as a whole, and your deeper thoughts become more acceptable to act on. Basically, it doesn't hurt anyone to discriminate against who you date. There are 5.9999 billion other people the person you discriminated against can date. But if you open a public establishment that only white people are allowed to visit, then you are hurting thousands of people that don't have the option to just go somewhere else (geographical reasons or otherwise). Harming other people is what's bad. If you don't harm anyone, then you aren't doing anything wrong. (Sure, it's bad if you walk past a dying person and don't help them. But it's not as bad as shoving your knife into them and taking their wallet.)
ErrantX 17y ago
You've got that example the wrong way round. Homosexuality is in the minority, so are black people (in the societies we are discussing). So the counter example would be a "straights only" website. Which almost certainly would cause an outcry if you said it explicitly.

petercooper 17y ago

First, if race-specific dating sites aren't offensive to you (and to me, they ARE) then why not race-specific bars? Or race-specific public transport? But there are plenty of dating sites that are exclusively targeted to gay men or lesbian women. If you think that race segregating dating sites are bad, then what are dating sites that segregate on sexual orientation? Are they also bad? No, because dating is entirely about sexual orientation. Straight men date straight women. Gay men date gay men. And so on. When it comes to race, however, that argument doesn't hold up. There's no biological reason for a straight man to date a gay man. There's also no biological reason, however, for a straight white man to avoid non-white women. If one has a personal preference, that's OK to exercise passively, but holing yourself up in a segregated community is rather anachronistic. If there should be racially based dating sites, should there be bars/leisure facilities/supermarkets for white/black people to hang out who don't like being in the company of people of other races? My opinion is "hell no", but if you disagree, well that's your opinion. (I'm sure people have dated folks with incompatible sexual preferences in the past, but that's pretty much incompatible with the whole idea of dating.)

jrockway 17y ago
First, if race-specific dating sites aren't offensive to you (and to me, they ARE) then why not race-specific bars? Or race-specific public transport? Because wanting to fuck someone is different than being willing to share a bus with them. Relationships are the deepest and most personal human activity, and that activity is vastly different from public infrastructure (public transit, stores, bars, etc.)
- petercooper 17y ago
  It's more ethically acceptable to discriminate racially when it's about really serious stuff? There's a vast gulf between saying "I prefer white/black people and tend to only look for that type I prefer" and saying "I will ONLY date white/black people so gimme a whites/blacks only dating site." I tend to work better (in an employment sense) with men, but I'd never dream of using a "men only" employment/freelance site or similar as there are some women who've turned out to be awesome to work with. I wouldn't let my personal preferences draw me into the tunnel vision of blind discrimination.
  - jrockway 17y ago
    I am only speculating, as I am not into single-race dating sites (and for some reason, have never seriously dated anyone of the same race; but that's coincidence, not preference). But I think the issue is that there is absolutely no rational reason why you could possibly not want to share a public space with someone of a different race. When you're on the train, you don't have to interact, you just have to sit there. So the fact that other people are there is irrelevant, which makes their race even more irrelevant. Dating is different, you are going to be spending most of your time with this person, and you are going to be putting parts of your body into parts of theirs. It would be nice if everyone was so enlightened as to not care about race, but there is 10,000+ years of evolutionary pressure pushing things the other direction. So while I wouldn't limit myself to one race, I am not going to look down on people who do. What matters about "racism" is not what you think, it's how you act. You may hate all $foo people, but if you hire a $foo person because he is more qualified than the $bar people, you've done your duty to society. Who you choose to fuck, though, is less important to society as a whole, and your deeper thoughts become more acceptable to act on. Basically, it doesn't hurt anyone to discriminate against who you date. There are 5.9999 billion other people the person you discriminated against can date. But if you open a public establishment that only white people are allowed to visit, then you are hurting thousands of people that don't have the option to just go somewhere else (geographical reasons or otherwise). Harming other people is what's bad. If you don't harm anyone, then you aren't doing anything wrong. (Sure, it's bad if you walk past a dying person and don't help them. But it's not as bad as shoving your knife into them and taking their wallet.)

ErrantX 17y ago

You've got that example the wrong way round. Homosexuality is in the minority, so are black people (in the societies we are discussing). So the counter example would be a "straights only" website. Which almost certainly would cause an outcry if you said it explicitly.