4 ms·

Grieving for a lost friend, whether cat, dog, human, or otherwise, is a profound process, and it should not be rushed, measured, or compared against any standar

by JadeNB 11y ago

Grieving for a lost friend, whether cat, dog, human, or otherwise, is a profound process, and it should not be rushed, measured, or compared against any standard. I'm not sure that I understand the impulse to make the process public, but nor would I tell someone that his or her grief must be private, or kept only among a small group. I do wonder about the need to tie it into gender, though. I (a man) cried, sobbed, bawled when my cat died, in the vet's office, and later in private with my wife, and nothing in anyone's reactions suggested to me that there was anything inappropriate about my doing so. I believe, and hope, that, if a man feels that it is inappropriate for him to show emotion, then that says more about his own self-perception of manhood than about others' perceptions of him. (This is not meant as a criticism of the author, but as good news of a sort: if I am right, then he need only liberate himself from his self-imposed strictures, rather than fighting against the censure of a broader society.)

asimuvPR 11y ago
Sorry about your cat.
p4wnc6 11y ago
> if a man feels that it is inappropriate for him to show emotion, then that says more about his own self-perception of manhood than about others' perceptions of him Not really. There is still an enormous amount of regressive social pressure heaped on men to never show or admit weakness, not even with a spouse or close friend, and crying is one of the most widely stigmatized actions within this framework of pressure.
Xcelerate 11y ago
> and nothing in anyone's reactions suggested to me that there was anything inappropriate about my doing so. Then luckily for you, you know people who are very different than some of the people I know. Off the top of my head, I can name at least five men who would make fun of another man for crying over the death of a cat. It's well known that the rate of completed suicides for men is far higher than that for women (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_differences_in_suicide https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_differences_in_suicide). I suspect a lot of this comes down to the fact that society expects men to be tough and hide their emotions, and thus there is more of a stigma attached to them getting the help that they need. Personally, one of the saddest things I've seen related to the death of an animal (and not just any animal, but a goose, which I'm normally not too fond of since one chased me when I was little). I was visiting my father's work one day, and I saw a single goose standing alone in the parking lot, looking confused. My dad told me that there had been a flock of geese, and one of the geese was standing in the road. A car with a driver who was clearly annoyed (or psychopathic) had sped up and intentionally killed the goose standing in the way of his car. There was a dark patch on the road where the goose had been struck. As you may know, geese tend to mate for life, and when the rest of the flock had moved on, this goose's partner remained behind. I don't know if the goose knew that its partner was dead (as opposed to lost), but the way it just stood there barely moving was one of the saddest things I've ever seen.

by JadeNB 11y ago

asimuvPR 11y ago

Sorry about your cat.

p4wnc6 11y ago

> if a man feels that it is inappropriate for him to show emotion, then that says more about his own self-perception of manhood than about others' perceptions of him Not really. There is still an enormous amount of regressive social pressure heaped on men to never show or admit weakness, not even with a spouse or close friend, and crying is one of the most widely stigmatized actions within this framework of pressure.

Xcelerate 11y ago

> and nothing in anyone's reactions suggested to me that there was anything inappropriate about my doing so. Then luckily for you, you know people who are very different than some of the people I know. Off the top of my head, I can name at least five men who would make fun of another man for crying over the death of a cat. It's well known that the rate of completed suicides for men is far higher than that for women (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_differences_in_suicide https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_differences_in_suicide). I suspect a lot of this comes down to the fact that society expects men to be tough and hide their emotions, and thus there is more of a stigma attached to them getting the help that they need. Personally, one of the saddest things I've seen related to the death of an animal (and not just any animal, but a goose, which I'm normally not too fond of since one chased me when I was little). I was visiting my father's work one day, and I saw a single goose standing alone in the parking lot, looking confused. My dad told me that there had been a flock of geese, and one of the geese was standing in the road. A car with a driver who was clearly annoyed (or psychopathic) had sped up and intentionally killed the goose standing in the way of his car. There was a dark patch on the road where the goose had been struck. As you may know, geese tend to mate for life, and when the rest of the flock had moved on, this goose's partner remained behind. I don't know if the goose knew that its partner was dead (as opposed to lost), but the way it just stood there barely moving was one of the saddest things I've ever seen.