I'm certainly not assuming the reviewers are programmer. However, it'd be super simple to create an automated tool that would scan an app to see if it uses any

I'm certainly not assuming the reviewers are programmer. However, it'd be super simple to create an automated tool that would scan an app to see if it uses any private API's. Am I suggesting Apple should do this? Not really. I don't actually see that much value in it. What I do think is interesting is that people often try to justify Apple's ridiculous, lengthy, and arbitrary review process by implying that the review process is someone keeping iPhone users safe from viruses or other malevolent programs. But clearly that's not the case. If the App Store approval process isn't sophisticated enough to identify apps that are using private API's before those apps are approved and released on the market, then clearly the approval process isn't going to identify malware of any reasonable level of sophistication.