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I upvoted your comment. Calling someone you work with and barely know a milf is an asinine move. That said though - she might have led him on when she agreed to

I upvoted your comment. Calling someone you work with and barely know a milf is an asinine move. That said though - she might have led him on when she agreed to move the conversation to whatsapp.

icebraining 10y ago
According to what was told, they moved the conversation to Whatsapp before he asked her to hang out. What would she be leading him on about?
- ChemicalWarfare 10y ago
  I think once the conversation is moved from the company slack channel to whatsapp qualifies it as getting moved from the work-related realm to the private realm. One can argue that by agreeing to move the convo to whatsapp she sent a "sure let's have a private conversation" message.
  - icebraining 10y ago
    "Private conversation" is anything not related to work, from asking if there's a good restaurant to geeking out on the latest TV show episode; it certainly does not imply any sexual attraction!
    - ChemicalWarfare 10y ago
      Agreed. However once the conversation goes private it's just that - a private non work related conversation. Unless there's anything illegal there like physical threats etc it's a private matter between the parties directly involved.
      - dragonwriter 10y ago
        From every sexual.harassment training I've had given by lawyers working in the field, the idea that a change of venue/forum necessarily removes something like this from work-related is absolutely not the case.
        ChemicalWarfare 10y ago
        I think there's a fine line there. From what I understand from whatever corporate training I went through in the past - if there's a job-related activity like team dinner and then some ppl go to the bar for a few drinks - this is still 'job related'. Same goes for business-related travel and so on. In this particular case though - a weekend conversation after an explicit request to take it private - not sure if this qualifies as "job related". And even if it somehow does qualify as being 'job related' I guess my point is that I can see how by agreeing to switch to whatsapp the signal that she sent was 'yes, let's talk in private' and if he's the kind of dude who calls someone he barely knows a 'milf' I can totally see how in his mind this was 'yea let's hook up' :)
        snowwrestler 10y ago
        Coworkers speak privately to one another all the time about all sorts of things. Even in private conversations, they can reasonably expect professional and appropriate behavior from their colleagues. When does someone become "more" than a coworker? There's no clear line there, but it's definitely not during the very first private conversation.
        ChemicalWarfare 10y ago
        Don't think there's a question here whether his comments were appropriate or not. They were not. Ppl also get harassed on the street with all kinds of inappropriate comments. The question here is whether this constitutes a workplace sexual harassment or not. It's probably going to be a judgement call on behalf of the employer, however they have to be careful not to get a wrongful termination lawsuit to deal with down the line if they do end up letting him go.
        snowwrestler 10y ago
        It's a workplace issue because the two people were brought together by their employer and the conversation was initiated in a work context. You're right that people get harassed by strangers in all sorts of public places, but that's not what happened here.
- basch 10y ago
  if i said "can we move this conversation somewhere more private, and outside work" and you said "yes" is there an implication of some consent? could the guy have been imagining that her agreeing to move the convo was her approval, and anything further was her playing hard to get? that said, the magic words "sure as friends in work context" should have been a cease and desist to end any further bright ideas.
  - icebraining 10y ago
    That specific wording ("somewhere more private") might imply acceptance of sexual advances, but nowhere do we see those words in the original post, and I find it hard to believe that one would say "yes" to that if one wasn't interested in being asked out.
    - basch 10y ago
      if a coworker asks me for my personal phone number or email address, something is up. there is a reason they arent using official company provided communication. asking for my phone number sounds like explicit "move this off the record."
      - icebraining 10y ago
        Yes, and that might be because they want you to make a move on them, or it might be - like it very recently happened to me - that they just wanted to ask you for help on a side project. I can definitely tell you that I wasn't leading my coworker on when I sent him my personal email address, and I find it weird that it would be someone's only assumption.
        ChemicalWarfare 10y ago
        If instead of asking you to help out with a project they would've asked you out, would you consider this to be an inappropriate/sexual harassment situation though?
- logfromblammo 10y ago
  Implicitly agreeing to continue a conversation that may become inappropriate for the regular employer-provided channels. In more archaic terms, he asked for her number so that he could call her up after work. If she were not at all interested, she would not have released her personal contact info. Obviously, she was not expecting him to immediately blow his chances by making a clumsy, ham-handed, and vulgar come-on. She [wisely] notified her boss because men that do not demonstrate emotional maturity may have difficulty handling rejection gracefully.

I upvoted your comment. Calling someone you work with and barely know a milf is an asinine move. That said though - she might have led him on when she agreed to move the conversation to whatsapp.

icebraining 10y ago

According to what was told, they moved the conversation to Whatsapp before he asked her to hang out. What would she be leading him on about?

ChemicalWarfare 10y ago
I think once the conversation is moved from the company slack channel to whatsapp qualifies it as getting moved from the work-related realm to the private realm. One can argue that by agreeing to move the convo to whatsapp she sent a "sure let's have a private conversation" message.
- icebraining 10y ago
  "Private conversation" is anything not related to work, from asking if there's a good restaurant to geeking out on the latest TV show episode; it certainly does not imply any sexual attraction!
  - ChemicalWarfare 10y ago
    Agreed. However once the conversation goes private it's just that - a private non work related conversation. Unless there's anything illegal there like physical threats etc it's a private matter between the parties directly involved.
    - dragonwriter 10y ago
      From every sexual.harassment training I've had given by lawyers working in the field, the idea that a change of venue/forum necessarily removes something like this from work-related is absolutely not the case.
      - ChemicalWarfare 10y ago
        I think there's a fine line there. From what I understand from whatever corporate training I went through in the past - if there's a job-related activity like team dinner and then some ppl go to the bar for a few drinks - this is still 'job related'. Same goes for business-related travel and so on. In this particular case though - a weekend conversation after an explicit request to take it private - not sure if this qualifies as "job related". And even if it somehow does qualify as being 'job related' I guess my point is that I can see how by agreeing to switch to whatsapp the signal that she sent was 'yes, let's talk in private' and if he's the kind of dude who calls someone he barely knows a 'milf' I can totally see how in his mind this was 'yea let's hook up' :)
        snowwrestler 10y ago
        Coworkers speak privately to one another all the time about all sorts of things. Even in private conversations, they can reasonably expect professional and appropriate behavior from their colleagues. When does someone become "more" than a coworker? There's no clear line there, but it's definitely not during the very first private conversation.
        ChemicalWarfare 10y ago
        Don't think there's a question here whether his comments were appropriate or not. They were not. Ppl also get harassed on the street with all kinds of inappropriate comments. The question here is whether this constitutes a workplace sexual harassment or not. It's probably going to be a judgement call on behalf of the employer, however they have to be careful not to get a wrongful termination lawsuit to deal with down the line if they do end up letting him go.
        snowwrestler 10y ago
        It's a workplace issue because the two people were brought together by their employer and the conversation was initiated in a work context. You're right that people get harassed by strangers in all sorts of public places, but that's not what happened here.
basch 10y ago
if i said "can we move this conversation somewhere more private, and outside work" and you said "yes" is there an implication of some consent? could the guy have been imagining that her agreeing to move the convo was her approval, and anything further was her playing hard to get? that said, the magic words "sure as friends in work context" should have been a cease and desist to end any further bright ideas.
- icebraining 10y ago
  That specific wording ("somewhere more private") might imply acceptance of sexual advances, but nowhere do we see those words in the original post, and I find it hard to believe that one would say "yes" to that if one wasn't interested in being asked out.
  - basch 10y ago
    if a coworker asks me for my personal phone number or email address, something is up. there is a reason they arent using official company provided communication. asking for my phone number sounds like explicit "move this off the record."
    - icebraining 10y ago
      Yes, and that might be because they want you to make a move on them, or it might be - like it very recently happened to me - that they just wanted to ask you for help on a side project. I can definitely tell you that I wasn't leading my coworker on when I sent him my personal email address, and I find it weird that it would be someone's only assumption.
      - ChemicalWarfare 10y ago
        If instead of asking you to help out with a project they would've asked you out, would you consider this to be an inappropriate/sexual harassment situation though?
logfromblammo 10y ago
Implicitly agreeing to continue a conversation that may become inappropriate for the regular employer-provided channels. In more archaic terms, he asked for her number so that he could call her up after work. If she were not at all interested, she would not have released her personal contact info. Obviously, she was not expecting him to immediately blow his chances by making a clumsy, ham-handed, and vulgar come-on. She [wisely] notified her boss because men that do not demonstrate emotional maturity may have difficulty handling rejection gracefully.