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I really don't understand the environment around sex and relationships in the work place. It's messed up. Someone should be able to express interest and the oth

by x5n1 10y ago

I really don't understand the environment around sex and relationships in the work place. It's messed up. Someone should be able to express interest and the other person should be able to refuse it. Simple as that. But instead there is a whole drawn out ritual around these things. It's not really grown up thing that adults do, instead any male is looked at as an aggressive offender looking to rape someone, unless the female is interested and the male is supposed to know how at this moment the female is feeling. And the female is apparently always fearing rape unless she is interested. I am sort of creating hyperbole, but it seems as if the undertone is like that. On the surface I guess it's that well I am uncomfortable with how the other person is acting, but that should be resolved with some training or something, as when someone is rude to someone else and they don't appreciate it. But so it goes.

Kristine1975 10y ago
I completely agree as far as expressing interest goes. Calling someone a MILF however is out of line (IMO).
jbob2000 10y ago
It's one thing to nurture a relationship with a coworker and have it develop into something bigger. It's carnal and rude to ask someone out when you've just joined the company. Like, have some decency to get your foot in the door before you whip your dick out.
- kbart 10y ago
  I agree, but "rude" and "illegal" are two different things. I have never asked my-coworker out during my whole career as I deem it unprofessional, but don't see anything inherently bad about that.
kbart 10y ago
I find all these laws around sexual harassment strange and confusing too. Where I live, it's not sexual harassment unless you grabbed somebody's ass or demand sex/sexual favors using your authority. Saves a lot of nerves for everybody. I don't see anything bad one adult person asking other adult person out and showing sexual interest in non-violent, non-demanding way and accepting "no" for an answer (as far as story goes). EDIT: despite all downvotes, it's interesting to watch cultural differences in this situation.
- infinite8s 10y ago
  Would you find it appropriate if a coworker at work came up to you and said they would like to fuck you (which is quite literally what MILF means)
  - kbart 10y ago
    No, but neither I find appropriate if the same co-worker asked for other similarly personal thing/favor out of blue (i.e. "let's meet my parents tomorrow"), but if he/she accepts "no" and doesn't bother me anymore, I would only give a strange look.
    - icebraining 10y ago
      But according to what was told, he did bother her after she told him she was not interested in going out on a date.
nzoschke 10y ago
It is extremely common to date in the workplace. People express interest and people accept or refuse it all the time. When there is kindness and respect involved there is no problem. We don't here about any of these events. It's simply normal human relationship building. There is a line not to cross however. Harassment is a real thing that people do and nobody should have to deal with in a professional context.
scott_s 10y ago
She did refuse a romantic involvement by stating up front that she was okay spending time outside of work as friends. That interaction is okay. But he kept going. It's the "kept going" that is sexual harassment.
- x5n1 10y ago
  Yeah I don't know how the whole thing progressed. But it's a fine line and I guess he crossed it.
  - pc86 10y ago
    It says in the post how it progressed. He made a move, she clearly said she only had interest in a platonic, friendly/coworker relationship, he persisted and dialed up the crudeness to boot.
  - dimino 10y ago
    No, it's not a fine line, it's a thick line that's visible miles away. You don't tell people you want to fuck them at work.
    - Chris2048 10y ago
      * not at work
wilsynet 10y ago
Want to ask someone out for lunch or a movie or just hang out? No problem. While you're away from work together, want to make a pass at someone? Sure. Just don't do it at work, on company time. Going to work is not a license for your co-workers to proposition you.
randyrand 10y ago
I totally agree with you. It should not be illegal to attempt to start a relationship with a coworker. The fact that it is is frightening. It's not something that should require a lawyer when it goes wrong. To think that hitting on someone in the 'wrong environment' is illegal is RIDICULOUS.

by x5n1 10y ago

Kristine1975 10y ago

I completely agree as far as expressing interest goes. Calling someone a MILF however is out of line (IMO).

jbob2000 10y ago

It's one thing to nurture a relationship with a coworker and have it develop into something bigger. It's carnal and rude to ask someone out when you've just joined the company. Like, have some decency to get your foot in the door before you whip your dick out.

kbart 10y ago
I agree, but "rude" and "illegal" are two different things. I have never asked my-coworker out during my whole career as I deem it unprofessional, but don't see anything inherently bad about that.

kbart 10y ago

I find all these laws around sexual harassment strange and confusing too. Where I live, it's not sexual harassment unless you grabbed somebody's ass or demand sex/sexual favors using your authority. Saves a lot of nerves for everybody. I don't see anything bad one adult person asking other adult person out and showing sexual interest in non-violent, non-demanding way and accepting "no" for an answer (as far as story goes). EDIT: despite all downvotes, it's interesting to watch cultural differences in this situation.

infinite8s 10y ago
Would you find it appropriate if a coworker at work came up to you and said they would like to fuck you (which is quite literally what MILF means)
- kbart 10y ago
  No, but neither I find appropriate if the same co-worker asked for other similarly personal thing/favor out of blue (i.e. "let's meet my parents tomorrow"), but if he/she accepts "no" and doesn't bother me anymore, I would only give a strange look.
  - icebraining 10y ago
    But according to what was told, he did bother her after she told him she was not interested in going out on a date.

nzoschke 10y ago

It is extremely common to date in the workplace. People express interest and people accept or refuse it all the time. When there is kindness and respect involved there is no problem. We don't here about any of these events. It's simply normal human relationship building. There is a line not to cross however. Harassment is a real thing that people do and nobody should have to deal with in a professional context.

scott_s 10y ago

She did refuse a romantic involvement by stating up front that she was okay spending time outside of work as friends. That interaction is okay. But he kept going. It's the "kept going" that is sexual harassment.

x5n1 10y ago
Yeah I don't know how the whole thing progressed. But it's a fine line and I guess he crossed it.
- pc86 10y ago
  It says in the post how it progressed. He made a move, she clearly said she only had interest in a platonic, friendly/coworker relationship, he persisted and dialed up the crudeness to boot.
- dimino 10y ago
  No, it's not a fine line, it's a thick line that's visible miles away. You don't tell people you want to fuck them at work.
  - Chris2048 10y ago
    * not at work

wilsynet 10y ago

Want to ask someone out for lunch or a movie or just hang out? No problem. While you're away from work together, want to make a pass at someone? Sure. Just don't do it at work, on company time. Going to work is not a license for your co-workers to proposition you.

randyrand 10y ago

I totally agree with you. It should not be illegal to attempt to start a relationship with a coworker. The fact that it is is frightening. It's not something that should require a lawyer when it goes wrong. To think that hitting on someone in the 'wrong environment' is illegal is RIDICULOUS.