4 ms·

Maybe a little off topic. I am a very romantic person and I don't see your point in the comment about dating. I am dating the only person I would like to date

by siscia 11y ago

Maybe a little off topic. I am a very romantic person and I don't see your point in the comment about dating. I am dating the only person I would like to date, not the smartest, not the hottest, not,the funniest but the only one that now I feel like dating. Right now, not other persons will get as much as she is getting from dating me (I can definitely being a better boyfriend, but I am the best I can be right now) nor I would get anything more from dating someone else but her... I don't see it as a sum zero game...

alashley 11y ago
Maybe we just eventually optimize for what will make us happy across all the various categories (looks, personality, lifestyle etc.) which is "good enough" for lack of a better term.
- siscia 11y ago
  Maybe, but I don't think so... Or, at least, it didn't happened to me. The first time of dating is like a bet, the partner is "good enough", you definitely look around and see more beautiful woman, smarter people or funnier mates, but for one reason or another you stick with her. After a while you know her better, she know you better and something more happens, you start to care for each other, you want to care for the other, you do things against your self interest for the other. Then you develop some sort of intimate caring and empathy, her becomes like a part of you, you see all of her flaws but they don't matter, you can understand her just by looking, you can feel when something is wrong, you don't image to share the same experience you had with her with some one else. (And this is the phase where I am now) However, I am still physically attracted by other women, I cannot image nothing but sex with some one different from my partner; not romantic walks, not dinner together, not talking about me and my hopes or fear; but sex, definitely yes. Sorry for the long off topic post :)
  - alashley 11y ago
    I get what you're saying. You take a chance on a specific person and then over time your empathy grows and you see them as an extension of yourself. I think relationships that have long-term potential should ideally have this quality. Lastly, I think that some for some people, sex is meaningless without the empathy, mutual love and concern backing it.
    - siscia 11y ago
      Exactly :)
gnaritas 11y ago
> I don't see it as a sum zero game... Of course it is, you've taken her off the market thus that other guy that wants to date her must lose. People are a limited resource, there's only one of her, when resources are limited the game is always zero sum.
- siscia 11y ago
  Yeah, if you only counting heads of course. But our analysis should be a little more deep. In my opinion she is the maximum; from any other gals I won't get as much positive "points", still in my opinion, I won't be able to provide more positive "points" to someone else but her. This is not a zero-sum games, because, if it was, swapping girls wouldn't changes my "points"...
  - gnaritas 11y ago
    No, you're too focused on you; it's zero sum because two men can't have her, one gets her and one doesn't. Zero sum isn't about you, it's about if getting what you want deprives someone else of what they want, which it does in the case of a woman.

by siscia 11y ago

alashley 11y ago

Maybe we just eventually optimize for what will make us happy across all the various categories (looks, personality, lifestyle etc.) which is "good enough" for lack of a better term.

siscia 11y ago
Maybe, but I don't think so... Or, at least, it didn't happened to me. The first time of dating is like a bet, the partner is "good enough", you definitely look around and see more beautiful woman, smarter people or funnier mates, but for one reason or another you stick with her. After a while you know her better, she know you better and something more happens, you start to care for each other, you want to care for the other, you do things against your self interest for the other. Then you develop some sort of intimate caring and empathy, her becomes like a part of you, you see all of her flaws but they don't matter, you can understand her just by looking, you can feel when something is wrong, you don't image to share the same experience you had with her with some one else. (And this is the phase where I am now) However, I am still physically attracted by other women, I cannot image nothing but sex with some one different from my partner; not romantic walks, not dinner together, not talking about me and my hopes or fear; but sex, definitely yes. Sorry for the long off topic post :)
- alashley 11y ago
  I get what you're saying. You take a chance on a specific person and then over time your empathy grows and you see them as an extension of yourself. I think relationships that have long-term potential should ideally have this quality. Lastly, I think that some for some people, sex is meaningless without the empathy, mutual love and concern backing it.
  - siscia 11y ago
    Exactly :)

gnaritas 11y ago

> I don't see it as a sum zero game... Of course it is, you've taken her off the market thus that other guy that wants to date her must lose. People are a limited resource, there's only one of her, when resources are limited the game is always zero sum.

siscia 11y ago
Yeah, if you only counting heads of course. But our analysis should be a little more deep. In my opinion she is the maximum; from any other gals I won't get as much positive "points", still in my opinion, I won't be able to provide more positive "points" to someone else but her. This is not a zero-sum games, because, if it was, swapping girls wouldn't changes my "points"...
- gnaritas 11y ago
  No, you're too focused on you; it's zero sum because two men can't have her, one gets her and one doesn't. Zero sum isn't about you, it's about if getting what you want deprives someone else of what they want, which it does in the case of a woman.