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If I may make a suggestion, try exploring social hobbies and friends will come. I did meetups for a while and met some cool programmers. After a while, I didn

by eric-hu 11y ago

If I may make a suggestion, try exploring social hobbies and friends will come. I did meetups for a while and met some cool programmers. After a while, I didn't want to talk software as much in my free time, but one guy invited me out to go swing dancing. I now work online remotely in Asia and visit different cities to swing dance. Within 2 two weeks trips, I made some good freshman friends in Shanghai and Hong Kong. We still talk online from time to time about the next time we'll meet up. I am also looking to temper my expectations, as the article suggests. I tried out a couple other styles of dancing and met freshman friends in those scenes. I remember wanting to fit in so much with each new group, and I still feel it with swing dancing friends sometimes. Over time, opportunities to deepen friendships arise. There's a lot that's out of my control.

morgante 11y ago
> If I may make a suggestion, try exploring social hobbies and friends will come. I did meetups for a while and met some cool programmers. I've tried going to meetups, but it doesn't seem like anyone is interested in being social. Everyone seems to be looking to network or advance professionally somehow. I never get the vibe that anyone would want to hang out with me. Maybe I'm just not friendly.
- eric-hu 11y ago
  Yes, I've met many people who "just want to network." Based on past evidence, less than five percent of the people I met from meetups became longer lasting friends. (Those are probably great odds when compared to my friendship rates in school and college). I remember going home from some meetups feeling the night was a bust. In retrospect, I would have been less disappointed if I thought of it like dating or job hunting. My goal isn't a 100% match rate. My goal is to find matches that leave me happy.
  - morgante 11y ago
    Maybe I'm doing it wrong then. I'm not aiming for a 100% match rate—I'd be happy with a 1% match rate. For an entire year, I probably went to a meetup every other week. In that whole time I didn't make a single new friend.
    - eric-hu 11y ago
      Maybe they just weren't the right ones for you. I also tried many different meet ups before finding the one that stuck with me for over years. There's no shame in trying that meet up out for a year. I think that's the crux of "don't expect too much too soon." Sounds like it's time to try out another tech meet up, another hobby meet up, or anything else that has potential.
- Kurtz79 11y ago
  Maybe you should choose meetups for those of your hobbies that are not directly related to your career. I mean, it is likely that if you are a programmer you'll end up talking about work in a programming or startup meetup. It will be much harder if it's about boardgames or ultimate frisbee.

by eric-hu 11y ago

morgante 11y ago

> If I may make a suggestion, try exploring social hobbies and friends will come. I did meetups for a while and met some cool programmers. I've tried going to meetups, but it doesn't seem like anyone is interested in being social. Everyone seems to be looking to network or advance professionally somehow. I never get the vibe that anyone would want to hang out with me. Maybe I'm just not friendly.

eric-hu 11y ago
Yes, I've met many people who "just want to network." Based on past evidence, less than five percent of the people I met from meetups became longer lasting friends. (Those are probably great odds when compared to my friendship rates in school and college). I remember going home from some meetups feeling the night was a bust. In retrospect, I would have been less disappointed if I thought of it like dating or job hunting. My goal isn't a 100% match rate. My goal is to find matches that leave me happy.
- morgante 11y ago
  Maybe I'm doing it wrong then. I'm not aiming for a 100% match rate—I'd be happy with a 1% match rate. For an entire year, I probably went to a meetup every other week. In that whole time I didn't make a single new friend.
  - eric-hu 11y ago
    Maybe they just weren't the right ones for you. I also tried many different meet ups before finding the one that stuck with me for over years. There's no shame in trying that meet up out for a year. I think that's the crux of "don't expect too much too soon." Sounds like it's time to try out another tech meet up, another hobby meet up, or anything else that has potential.
Kurtz79 11y ago
Maybe you should choose meetups for those of your hobbies that are not directly related to your career. I mean, it is likely that if you are a programmer you'll end up talking about work in a programming or startup meetup. It will be much harder if it's about boardgames or ultimate frisbee.