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For all the negative things folks have been saying on here about SF (expensive, etc.) there's a huge positive that overshadows all of it for me: I've made more
by nlh 11y ago
For all the negative things folks have been saying on here about SF (expensive, etc.) there's a huge positive that overshadows all of it for me:
I've made more new friends in the last 3 years since I moved to SF than, I'd honestly say, my previous decade living in NYC. I'm 37 now and feel like I have more of a community than in college.
I think the key to finding real friends and friendships is to be in a place where you're going to be surrounded by the kind of people you WANT to be friends with. It doesn't involve over-thinking or forcing it: I'm a 30-something dude who loves tech and being outside. There are a LOT of people like that in SF. I figured that out within a week of visiting 3 years ago, so I moved here.
Say what you will about monoculture, but it sure made it easy and fun to find a community of people I liked (and vice versa).
- colmvp 11y agoStrange. I had the opposite experience. I made more friends in NYC in 2 years than real friends in SF in 4. That's not to blame people, because hey, it takes two to tango and my behavior sabotaged my own success. But even though I am in tech, I still never felt comfortable in the monoculture of SF than while in NY.
- nlh 11y agoInteresting data point - thanks for sharing. Tell me more: how did you meet and make friends in NYC? In SF - I find there's a more intimate social scene -- more dinner parties than bar nights, so easier to have meaningful interactions. Maybe I'm just seeing the product of my own growing up...
- koluft 11y agoI haven't been invited to any dinner parties with strangers to become friends with. My existing friends invite me to dinner parties.
- radicality 11y agoWondering too, how did you make friends in NYC? I'm finding it difficult.
- mikegioia 11y agoOne of the best methods is recreational, organized sports. One good example is ZogSports. A lot of people sign up alone and I think the team sports and group interaction really help form the bonds early.
- Bahamut 11y agoSlightly different point, but I took the less beaten road of moving to the Valley instead of SF, and made a lot of friends here compared to everywhere else I've been (grew up just north of NYC, have lived in Illinois and the DMV). There are a lot of good hard-working people here in the Bay Area who aren't necessarily obsessed with tech on their off-hours, or even working in tech (two good friends are a teacher and a Stanford post-doc for example).
- pbiggar 11y agoAnother thing that contributes to this is the massive influx of people moving to SF. There's so many people looking for friends that they're easy to find. I think this would be tougher in other cities without the same influx.
- nlh 11y agoYeah I think this is true. Also means that when the influx cools (inevitably) things will be tougher in SF :/