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The author repeatedly expresses regret at having made poor financial decisions using the savings or debt as a metric. But it seems to me he has done quite well

The author repeatedly expresses regret at having made poor financial decisions using the savings or debt as a metric. But it seems to me he has done quite well in fact: his daughters went to private schools, elite universities, had a nice wedding. What family, poor or well off, wouldn't sacrifice as much for their kids? Then he managed to stay true to his calling of a writer without compromising or cutting corners (this is a big one!). Look at the many quintessential immigrant families who used to be doctors or lawyers in their native countries who take up menial jobs to scrape by and still do a lot worse than the author. Or others who swallow their pride and go into more well-paid professions that they don't necessarily have passion for. I'm probably lowering the standard of living target reasoning like this, which is not fair to the article which focuses on what middle class should be like, or was in the post-war boom decades. But still it could be a lot worse.

geerlingguy 11y ago
The problem is that everything is done without a safety net of an emergency fund, retirement funds, etc. as a fallback. For some reason (keeping up with the Jones'?), many Americans have the idea they must spend so much on lifestyle (transport, bigger house, services, weddings, kids) that they never have much to save in retirement, emergency savings, or other investments.
- FifthSurprise 11y ago
  Not to mention there's this air of invincibility where someone ignores retirement/emergency savings because "If something happens, it happens and I'll just fail/declare bankruptcy/die". It would be very pessimistic except what that thinking really means is "I don't think it will happen to me at all."
- vintermann 11y ago
  As he says in the article, he's not so concerned about "keeping up with the Joneses", but he's concerned about his kids keeping up with the Joneses' kids. With rising inequality, it's hard to fault him for that.
  - refurb 11y ago
    I'd argue most of the Joneses he's trying to keep up with aren't doing that well themselves. The median household income in the US is ~$55K/yr. Most Americans don't send their kids to private schools or pay for expensive weddings. He's not trying to keep up with the average American, he's trying to keep up with the upper-class. And guess what? There will always be someone richer than you.
  - tamana 11y ago
    As rayiner said, people buy expensive things for themselves and pretend it is for the kids' benefit.
- enobrev 11y ago
  It seems "Keeping up with the Jones'" would have a domino effect, where Albert Jonesy is going broke to keep up with Brian Joneston, who is spending everything to keep up with Christina Jones, and so on. So everyone's broke, embarrassed, and behind, but still "better off" than the seemingly humble [n-1] Jones' next door.
iainmerrick 11y ago
His specific complaints seem pretty reasonable to me: We haven’t taken a vacation in 10 years. [...] We have no retirement savings, [...] We eat out maybe once every two or three months. Though I was a film critic for many years, I seldom go to the movies now. They're not destitute, but shouldn't most people expect to get at least some of those things more often than that? The lack of retirement savings seems particularly bad, as the author notes they used their parents' savings to pay for their children's educations. Their children won't be able to do the same. And as another commenter has noted, it's not just a "woe is me" sob story, the idea is that the author is representative of a secret 47%(!) who are ashamed to admit how badly they're doing. The comparison with impotence seems apt. [Edit: spelling]
- true_religion 11y ago
  It's a choice. Is private schooling for children worth losing out on the opportunity to eat out as a family of 4 at a good restaurant every week (that's 250 per meal, so $1000 a month)? Is funding your daughter's wedding (2000-10,000), worth skipping a vacation? I think being middle-class is all about making choices between giving up luxuries of the body (e.g. resturant food), for luxuries of opportunity (e.g. schooling). If you are rich, you can have both your yatcht and private school. You can go to the country club, and keep a maid at the same time. Being poor on the other hand is about making choices between necessities like "should we have water or power this week? pick one" or "should our food be nutritious or should we clean our clothes? pick one".
  - ansible 11y ago
    (that's 250 per meal, so $1000 a month) ... your daughter's wedding (2000-10,000) Those numbers struck me as very strange. I've rarely eaten at places that are $62.5/head. But spending just $2000 on a wedding seems low. $10,000 isn't unheard of in the circles I travel in.
    - brewdad 11y ago
      $250 per meal is certainly towards the higher end in most places, but my family of 3 does that, in total, almost every weekend. Figure $100 for dinner Friday night. Another $30 for breakfast Sat morning. Add in $50-$70 for lunch Sat and Sun and there you are. We rarely eat out during the week, and we don't usually eat dinner out both Fri AND Sat nights, but the above is fairly typical for us. I don't think it is too atypical for our peers either.
Spooky23 11y ago
At the end of the day, you lie in the bed that you make. The trappings of prosperity are expensive, so you need to weigh the cost/benefit carefully. My colleagues tease me about my 15 year old car with nearly 300k miles. My peers at work mostly lease BMWs and SUVs. But cars are an expense with a payout worth little to me. (If I was a hotshot salesdude, that trapping of success would have a high value.) You can't have it all. If you try to do so, you're going to sacrifice something -- and in most cases you sacrifice your future.
- justinhj 11y ago
  I find modern cars are very expensive to fix and I have no interest in learning how to do it myself. I bought a car over a few years with the intention that when it is paid for I would enjoy a few more years for free. But the maintenance costs went up and it would breakdown. Frequently simple repairs would be $1-$2k because of the cost of labour to get to the broken parts and replace them. Maybe I was unlucky but I prefer to lease a modest vehicle so I'm always driving a newish one and I don't have to worry about breaking down or expensive repairs.
  - mikestew 11y ago
    Quit buying BMWs (or whatever). Our Scion xB, basically a Toyota Echo and long since paid off, after 80K miles needs gas and the occasional oil change. Seeing as how it's a Toyota, I don't expect that to change in the next 50-100K miles. Might have to throw a clutch in it at some point, it is hilly around Seattle. Not that I'm blindly hating on BMWs. Love their cars, and I have two of their motorcycles in the garage (one for me, one for the wife). I'll say upfront that my R1200GS is probably the finest motorcycle I've ever owned. But cheap to run it ain't (for example, it apparently needs a $100 set of rear brake pads every 5K miles; no, I didn't drop a zero). If I wanted cheap-to-run, I'd have bought another Honda. "Luxury brand" means it will continue to be a luxury to own even after the initial price is paid off.
    - justinhj 11y ago
      It was no BMW, just a Dodge. If I do buy a car again I'll definitely do more research on reliability repair and service costs. Or buy a $1000 car and consider it disposable.
lazyjones 11y ago
What I don't understand is this: if he sacrificed so much for his kids, they went to private schools and elite universities, why would he have trouble asking them for $400 for an emergency? Is a good education worth nothing these days, are they making poor financial decisions too? I refuse to believe that you can send several kids to private schools/universities without being able to save some money for emergencies, or accumulate some assets/property that can be liquidated if needed.
- brianwawok 11y ago
  His parents paid for most of the private school, so it isn't like he came up with the 300k himself.
- cableshaft 11y ago
  Yes, a good education is worth nothing these days. Literally nothing. (I kid, but it doesn't seem too far from the truth nowadays)
- iSnow 11y ago
  >if he sacrificed so much for his kids, they went to private schools and elite universities, why would he have trouble asking them for $400 for an emergency? Uhm, it's right in the article that he had to ask them to pay for heating...
mcguire 11y ago
On the other hand, would spending less on private schools, elite universities and so on have been worse than being in a situation where one major whoopsie leaves them living in a cardboard box? Put your own oxygen mask on first. Aviate, navigate, communicate.

geerlingguy 11y ago

The problem is that everything is done without a safety net of an emergency fund, retirement funds, etc. as a fallback. For some reason (keeping up with the Jones'?), many Americans have the idea they must spend so much on lifestyle (transport, bigger house, services, weddings, kids) that they never have much to save in retirement, emergency savings, or other investments.

FifthSurprise 11y ago
Not to mention there's this air of invincibility where someone ignores retirement/emergency savings because "If something happens, it happens and I'll just fail/declare bankruptcy/die". It would be very pessimistic except what that thinking really means is "I don't think it will happen to me at all."
vintermann 11y ago
As he says in the article, he's not so concerned about "keeping up with the Joneses", but he's concerned about his kids keeping up with the Joneses' kids. With rising inequality, it's hard to fault him for that.
- refurb 11y ago
  I'd argue most of the Joneses he's trying to keep up with aren't doing that well themselves. The median household income in the US is ~$55K/yr. Most Americans don't send their kids to private schools or pay for expensive weddings. He's not trying to keep up with the average American, he's trying to keep up with the upper-class. And guess what? There will always be someone richer than you.
- tamana 11y ago
  As rayiner said, people buy expensive things for themselves and pretend it is for the kids' benefit.
enobrev 11y ago
It seems "Keeping up with the Jones'" would have a domino effect, where Albert Jonesy is going broke to keep up with Brian Joneston, who is spending everything to keep up with Christina Jones, and so on. So everyone's broke, embarrassed, and behind, but still "better off" than the seemingly humble [n-1] Jones' next door.

iainmerrick 11y ago

His specific complaints seem pretty reasonable to me: We haven’t taken a vacation in 10 years. [...] We have no retirement savings, [...] We eat out maybe once every two or three months. Though I was a film critic for many years, I seldom go to the movies now. They're not destitute, but shouldn't most people expect to get at least some of those things more often than that? The lack of retirement savings seems particularly bad, as the author notes they used their parents' savings to pay for their children's educations. Their children won't be able to do the same. And as another commenter has noted, it's not just a "woe is me" sob story, the idea is that the author is representative of a secret 47%(!) who are ashamed to admit how badly they're doing. The comparison with impotence seems apt. [Edit: spelling]

true_religion 11y ago
It's a choice. Is private schooling for children worth losing out on the opportunity to eat out as a family of 4 at a good restaurant every week (that's 250 per meal, so $1000 a month)? Is funding your daughter's wedding (2000-10,000), worth skipping a vacation? I think being middle-class is all about making choices between giving up luxuries of the body (e.g. resturant food), for luxuries of opportunity (e.g. schooling). If you are rich, you can have both your yatcht and private school. You can go to the country club, and keep a maid at the same time. Being poor on the other hand is about making choices between necessities like "should we have water or power this week? pick one" or "should our food be nutritious or should we clean our clothes? pick one".
- ansible 11y ago
  (that's 250 per meal, so $1000 a month) ... your daughter's wedding (2000-10,000) Those numbers struck me as very strange. I've rarely eaten at places that are $62.5/head. But spending just $2000 on a wedding seems low. $10,000 isn't unheard of in the circles I travel in.
  - brewdad 11y ago
    $250 per meal is certainly towards the higher end in most places, but my family of 3 does that, in total, almost every weekend. Figure $100 for dinner Friday night. Another $30 for breakfast Sat morning. Add in $50-$70 for lunch Sat and Sun and there you are. We rarely eat out during the week, and we don't usually eat dinner out both Fri AND Sat nights, but the above is fairly typical for us. I don't think it is too atypical for our peers either.

Spooky23 11y ago

At the end of the day, you lie in the bed that you make. The trappings of prosperity are expensive, so you need to weigh the cost/benefit carefully. My colleagues tease me about my 15 year old car with nearly 300k miles. My peers at work mostly lease BMWs and SUVs. But cars are an expense with a payout worth little to me. (If I was a hotshot salesdude, that trapping of success would have a high value.) You can't have it all. If you try to do so, you're going to sacrifice something -- and in most cases you sacrifice your future.

justinhj 11y ago
I find modern cars are very expensive to fix and I have no interest in learning how to do it myself. I bought a car over a few years with the intention that when it is paid for I would enjoy a few more years for free. But the maintenance costs went up and it would breakdown. Frequently simple repairs would be $1-$2k because of the cost of labour to get to the broken parts and replace them. Maybe I was unlucky but I prefer to lease a modest vehicle so I'm always driving a newish one and I don't have to worry about breaking down or expensive repairs.
- mikestew 11y ago
  Quit buying BMWs (or whatever). Our Scion xB, basically a Toyota Echo and long since paid off, after 80K miles needs gas and the occasional oil change. Seeing as how it's a Toyota, I don't expect that to change in the next 50-100K miles. Might have to throw a clutch in it at some point, it is hilly around Seattle. Not that I'm blindly hating on BMWs. Love their cars, and I have two of their motorcycles in the garage (one for me, one for the wife). I'll say upfront that my R1200GS is probably the finest motorcycle I've ever owned. But cheap to run it ain't (for example, it apparently needs a $100 set of rear brake pads every 5K miles; no, I didn't drop a zero). If I wanted cheap-to-run, I'd have bought another Honda. "Luxury brand" means it will continue to be a luxury to own even after the initial price is paid off.
  - justinhj 11y ago
    It was no BMW, just a Dodge. If I do buy a car again I'll definitely do more research on reliability repair and service costs. Or buy a $1000 car and consider it disposable.

lazyjones 11y ago

What I don't understand is this: if he sacrificed so much for his kids, they went to private schools and elite universities, why would he have trouble asking them for $400 for an emergency? Is a good education worth nothing these days, are they making poor financial decisions too? I refuse to believe that you can send several kids to private schools/universities without being able to save some money for emergencies, or accumulate some assets/property that can be liquidated if needed.

brianwawok 11y ago
His parents paid for most of the private school, so it isn't like he came up with the 300k himself.
cableshaft 11y ago
Yes, a good education is worth nothing these days. Literally nothing. (I kid, but it doesn't seem too far from the truth nowadays)
iSnow 11y ago
>if he sacrificed so much for his kids, they went to private schools and elite universities, why would he have trouble asking them for $400 for an emergency? Uhm, it's right in the article that he had to ask them to pay for heating...

mcguire 11y ago

On the other hand, would spending less on private schools, elite universities and so on have been worse than being in a situation where one major whoopsie leaves them living in a cardboard box? Put your own oxygen mask on first. Aviate, navigate, communicate.