58 ms·

Another issue I've found since leaving the 'Facebook family' a few years back; there's a large disincentive for members you leave behind to contact you. You fal

by luxpir 11y ago

Another issue I've found since leaving the 'Facebook family' a few years back; there's a large disincentive for members you leave behind to contact you. You fall out of their habitual communication methods. The onus is on you to call them, which is already hard enough when both people could initiate the call. It becomes a much rarer event unless concerted effort is made. So until 'the next big social thing' comes along, I'm essentially out in the cold in many respects. But it's a price I'm willing to pay. I simply can't bring myself to support them in any way. The veneer of goodwill is very easy to see through with their constant manipulation tactics. And besides, it's not all bad; it hasn't stopped me from being invited to major events in my social circle. It's nice not to feel beholden to a website, which was the case when I was a member. The psychological effects are yet to be studied in depth, I'm sure.

manmal 11y ago
A friend of mine returned to FB a few days ago, claiming that he had lost like 90% of his social contact. That sounds a bit much to me, bur one should definitely take this into consideration before leaving.
- luxpir 11y ago
  And how sad is that? That a person's social activity should be dictated by a single website, in this world of ubiquitous social media, portable phones with hours of pre-paid talk-time... The effect may be more pronounced in the generation who've grown up solely on social media, but it certainly exists as a phenomenon. Whether the 'social contact' referred to by your friend is genuine in-person social contact or vague 'online contact' will probably depend on their age. Us pre-80s/90s kids had phonecalls, 'knocking on the person's door to see if they were in', postcards and 'meeting at the usual spot at the usual time' social habits. Now a lazy click to 'like' something posted to boost the poster's ego counts as socialising. That would be fine if we actually met up and spoke from time to time but that sadly is not the case. I thought at one point the younger generation had started to push back against screentime, but I seem to have been mistaken for the moment. Perhaps in another few years, with a bit of luck.
Jaruzel 11y ago
I left FB (several times in fact), and I always end up returning. Firstly no-one cares you've gone - most of your 'friends' don't even notice you don't post or comment any more. Secondly, no-one contacts you directly either. You end up a social outcast, missing events that only get posted on Facebook. I didn't know some of my friends had had babies until several weeks after the fact, because they only announced on Facebook assuming everyone would see it, and I was on a Facebook hiatus at the time. The most damning thing about the Facebook plague is that it's causing most of it's users to completely forget that other means of communication exists. The friction to send an email to, or god-forbid actually call, your non-Facebook friends is now simply too high that most people no longer do it. Email is now just a place where all those unread eBay and Amazon receipt notifications go. Personally, I know I can walk away from FB any time I choose, however right now the cost of the social disconnect is too high. Maybe the answer is to just accept we have no real friends any more, and just log out.
- cbeach 11y ago
  Your post sounds a bit like "all the kids are in the playground, but I don't like it, so I sit on my own in the library. The playground sucks and all the other kids are wrong"
  - icebraining 11y ago
    It's not a matter of right and wrong, but of values and preferences.
  - Jaruzel 11y ago
    If that's your only takeaway from my post, that's fine. Having said that, you have literally just described my school years...
- luxpir 11y ago
  I'm not convinced, correct me if I'm wrong, that you really missed anything by not knowing about your friends' baby until a few weeks after. A quick explanation: immediate family, you would have known without FB's involvement. Closest friends, same. Wider friends you see less often, maybe might have been mentioned at some point during the pregnancy, you can mark it off on a calendar and guesstimate arrival of baby. Friends you never see who've had a baby? Your definition of friend is stretched very thinly at that point, even if you were once close friends. Knowing/not knowing at that point makes very little difference to your ongoing relationship, particularly if it wasn't mentioned once during the previous 9 months. I agree that email has become a second class citizen to social media sites, despite it being completely open and able to conduct group chats (albeit slightly painfully) for events etc. The only thing many people are waiting for at this point is a suitable replacement for private, widely-used social comms that encourages more human interaction, without the manipulation and monetisation of relationships.

by luxpir 11y ago

manmal 11y ago

A friend of mine returned to FB a few days ago, claiming that he had lost like 90% of his social contact. That sounds a bit much to me, bur one should definitely take this into consideration before leaving.

luxpir 11y ago
And how sad is that? That a person's social activity should be dictated by a single website, in this world of ubiquitous social media, portable phones with hours of pre-paid talk-time... The effect may be more pronounced in the generation who've grown up solely on social media, but it certainly exists as a phenomenon. Whether the 'social contact' referred to by your friend is genuine in-person social contact or vague 'online contact' will probably depend on their age. Us pre-80s/90s kids had phonecalls, 'knocking on the person's door to see if they were in', postcards and 'meeting at the usual spot at the usual time' social habits. Now a lazy click to 'like' something posted to boost the poster's ego counts as socialising. That would be fine if we actually met up and spoke from time to time but that sadly is not the case. I thought at one point the younger generation had started to push back against screentime, but I seem to have been mistaken for the moment. Perhaps in another few years, with a bit of luck.

Jaruzel 11y ago

I left FB (several times in fact), and I always end up returning. Firstly no-one cares you've gone - most of your 'friends' don't even notice you don't post or comment any more. Secondly, no-one contacts you directly either. You end up a social outcast, missing events that only get posted on Facebook. I didn't know some of my friends had had babies until several weeks after the fact, because they only announced on Facebook assuming everyone would see it, and I was on a Facebook hiatus at the time. The most damning thing about the Facebook plague is that it's causing most of it's users to completely forget that other means of communication exists. The friction to send an email to, or god-forbid actually call, your non-Facebook friends is now simply too high that most people no longer do it. Email is now just a place where all those unread eBay and Amazon receipt notifications go. Personally, I know I can walk away from FB any time I choose, however right now the cost of the social disconnect is too high. Maybe the answer is to just accept we have no real friends any more, and just log out.

cbeach 11y ago
Your post sounds a bit like "all the kids are in the playground, but I don't like it, so I sit on my own in the library. The playground sucks and all the other kids are wrong"
- icebraining 11y ago
  It's not a matter of right and wrong, but of values and preferences.
- Jaruzel 11y ago
  If that's your only takeaway from my post, that's fine. Having said that, you have literally just described my school years...
luxpir 11y ago
I'm not convinced, correct me if I'm wrong, that you really missed anything by not knowing about your friends' baby until a few weeks after. A quick explanation: immediate family, you would have known without FB's involvement. Closest friends, same. Wider friends you see less often, maybe might have been mentioned at some point during the pregnancy, you can mark it off on a calendar and guesstimate arrival of baby. Friends you never see who've had a baby? Your definition of friend is stretched very thinly at that point, even if you were once close friends. Knowing/not knowing at that point makes very little difference to your ongoing relationship, particularly if it wasn't mentioned once during the previous 9 months. I agree that email has become a second class citizen to social media sites, despite it being completely open and able to conduct group chats (albeit slightly painfully) for events etc. The only thing many people are waiting for at this point is a suitable replacement for private, widely-used social comms that encourages more human interaction, without the manipulation and monetisation of relationships.