4 ms·

I'm a guy and have been subject to sexual harassment. Now, I'm also bisexual, and I get that people want to be forward. It's called a mating signal for a reaso

by kefka 11y ago

I'm a guy and have been subject to sexual harassment. Now, I'm also bisexual, and I get that people want to be forward. It's called a mating signal for a reason, and that area is fraught with misunderstandings on both sides. Well, I went in to a bar with my wife and a guy friend (of both of us). He's gay. We tried a relationship with him prior, but distance/timing meant it wouldnt. So, we were up visiting and going to an event, and he was the one showing us around town. Sooo, we walk in the bar, and it's a gay bar. No biggie. And then my friend starts showing me off like I'm his.... It took me a few moments to understand what was going on. And then I had upwards of 3 drinks offered in quick succession. One guy put his arms around my shoulders, while another grabbed my ass. It was a gay bar tending for what's called "Bears" (I'm also 6'5")... but there was some sort of soft-core underwear porn of skinny guys on huge monitors. It was probably one of my worse experiences. And if anything, it was indicative of what women more routinely go through.

pavel_lishin 11y ago
Is it possible that that's typical and accepted behavior at that bar? If it's a gay bar, frequently attended by bears, with literal pornography playing on the walls, I would expect the social interaction there to be different from my neighborhood bar - which is a friendly place where my wife and I bring our kid on Saturday and Sunday afternoons. It sounds to me like your friend was being an asshole by a) not informing you of what sort of place you were going to, and b) by strongly signaling to the other folks there that you did know what type of place it was, and were a willing participant. I'm not saying you weren't harassed, by the way, and I'm sorry you were being treated shittily. But it might be like getting splashed in the first three rows of a Sea World show - if you don't know it's coming, it's shitty, but some people go specifically for that experience.
- kefka 11y ago
  Of course. The 3 of us were intending to get a drink or two at a bar in the course of the evening. I also occasionally go to a GLBT bar locally, so it's not out of the ordinary to go to one up there. He also told us that it was a gay bar, and we were initially OK with it. Also to note, that I and my wife are bisexual and polyamorous (although with each other currently). What did floor me was the signalling to other patrons that I was his in some capacity. Honestly I didn't have a clue what to really expect, as its very even keel at the local GLBT bar (mating signals are up front, simple no means no - probably due to being in a liberal college town). And no, someone showing interest in me, be they male or female is cool :) Talking dirty? That's fine, until/if I say no more. I understand that and am flattered. Assaulting me... not cool. Liberal with words, and conservative with actions is usually how I handle mating signs.

by kefka 11y ago

pavel_lishin 11y ago

Is it possible that that's typical and accepted behavior at that bar? If it's a gay bar, frequently attended by bears, with literal pornography playing on the walls, I would expect the social interaction there to be different from my neighborhood bar - which is a friendly place where my wife and I bring our kid on Saturday and Sunday afternoons. It sounds to me like your friend was being an asshole by a) not informing you of what sort of place you were going to, and b) by strongly signaling to the other folks there that you did know what type of place it was, and were a willing participant. I'm not saying you weren't harassed, by the way, and I'm sorry you were being treated shittily. But it might be like getting splashed in the first three rows of a Sea World show - if you don't know it's coming, it's shitty, but some people go specifically for that experience.

kefka 11y ago
Of course. The 3 of us were intending to get a drink or two at a bar in the course of the evening. I also occasionally go to a GLBT bar locally, so it's not out of the ordinary to go to one up there. He also told us that it was a gay bar, and we were initially OK with it. Also to note, that I and my wife are bisexual and polyamorous (although with each other currently). What did floor me was the signalling to other patrons that I was his in some capacity. Honestly I didn't have a clue what to really expect, as its very even keel at the local GLBT bar (mating signals are up front, simple no means no - probably due to being in a liberal college town). And no, someone showing interest in me, be they male or female is cool :) Talking dirty? That's fine, until/if I say no more. I understand that and am flattered. Assaulting me... not cool. Liberal with words, and conservative with actions is usually how I handle mating signs.