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> Half of the 4 sentences in my self description had nothing to do with my ability to provide. That's why I said imply. And yes, of course they do. Good educat
by zxcvvcxz 11y ago
> Half of the 4 sentences in my self description had nothing to do with my ability to provide.
That's why I said imply. And yes, of course they do. Good education and talented == good job == money.
> Growing up as someone from this culture who just so happens to have this face, I know from both sides the distortion of this culture. We east asian men are supposedly useful economic and intellectual entities with inferior aesthetics or souls or something like that. Your projection fits this pattern.
My best friends are East Asian men. So I know the stereotypes pretty well. I wouldn't call it a projection so much as an acknowledgement of how the average American woman will view you, subconsciously or not.
Anyways, if my post offended you, that was not the purpose. The purpose was to expose you to the realities of stereotypes and subconscious thought patterns that women (and perhaps society as a whole) will place upon people like you, and have placed on people like my friends.
You can complain and bemoan about it, sure, I sympathize. But what I'm trying to express to you is the simple reality of how mating dynamics are different in prosperous Western countries, how women will likely view you, and what types of strategies you could cultivate to increase your odds of success.
And for the record, I think your culture (or type of people, whatever you want to call it) are very high value. That's why they're my best friends, and my startup co-founders. But I think society has terrible values (or value functions, rather) when it comes to social capital and the dating market. Look at the pop culture to get a taste of how disdainful of engineers and computer people we are. Always shown as very undesirable. I saw this first hand through college telling people I was a "computer engineer". 'Gross, not cool at all, maybe in 10 years though after I'm done partying' was the general attitude I got from girls, before I started to cultivate different traits.
- stcredzero 11y agoSo I know the stereotypes pretty well. I wouldn't call it a projection so much as an acknowledgement of how the average American woman will view you, subconsciously or not. So you're basically saying, yes, there is bias. Deal with it. And for the record, I think your culture (or type of people, whatever you want to call it) are very high value. That's why they're my best friends, and my startup co-founders. Please pay attention. I was born here and grew up here all my life. I don't speak Korean. There was no culture/subculture for me to be a part of. My family had to drive 45 miles to visit with other asian friends who weren't even also Korean. Culturally, I'm just an upper middle class American guy. But almost a half century of experience has taught me that there is something to having this face, and that I would have to work harder to overcome bias. My parents just came out and told that to me straight-up, and they were right. Color blind we are not, and I think it's valuable for me to point it out, because it is the truth. 'Gross, not cool at all, maybe in 10 years though after I'm done partying' was the general attitude I got from girls, before I started to cultivate different traits. In my case, I think putting my money where my mouth is involves finding one who is similarly overlooked. My most successful relationships have fit this pattern. If one doesn't respect their life-partner enough to be able to sincerely treat them as a "poet and a genius" then I'm not sure that's a relationship worth having. In fact, I think that being truly in love in anything less than that sort of situation is a curse. (Which is a notion some westerners find strange in Korean culture. Now I think it is wise.)