4 ms·

Eh. I put a helluvalot effort in the messages I send. I can't necessarily say the same for the responses I receive. It is what it is.

by colmvp 11y ago

stouset 11y ago
Honesty that may be part of your problem. Think of Tinder as meeting someone in a virtual bar — you're not going to spend a hell of a lot of time on what you open with. All you're going for is something just interesting and personal enough to actually start a conversation. If you're regularly sending opening messages more than a sentence or two long, you're probably investing way too much effort to start out.
paulcole 11y ago
Yep, this is a big mistake. Messages should be short and should take almost no effort to write. On OKC my success rate was very high and my initial messages were made up of 3 sentences max: 1) Hello 2) Show I read their profile. "Oh you like The Mountain Goats? I saw them when I was in Chicago last summer." 3) Ask a question about their interests. "I've been looking to take cooking classes. Any recommendations?" I had an incredibly high response rate, 1 out of every 3 or 4.
- alashley 11y ago
  Agreed, I get a much higher response rate with a quick message than I used to when I would send more ahem in-depth messages. I think it sort of mirrors real-life interactions in that way, generally one doesn't approach someone at a bar and start off with a long-winded introduction.
- ones_and_zeros 11y ago
  To me that even seems like tooo much effort. I had great success with the "funny tongue in cheek question/comment about a photo" approach. "Looking pretty friendly with that penguin, do you guys still keep in touch?" "Id say we should hula hoop together, but my hula hoop is in the shop. Unless you have a spare?"
CyberDildonics 11y ago
That's not what I meant. The mistake is thinking that you know all you need to know and that if it doesn't work it must be someone else's fault. This is an emotional protection from accepting the truth, which is that you aren't giving women what they want (which is why they aren't giving you what you want). Everything is a skill that can be improved with practice and learning from others, including online dating. I'm sure you can come up with all sorts of rationalizations as to why this isn't true, but accepting that you can do better is the first step to improving. Try this - for your first message just send 'Hey I noticed your page and have a question for you' ('noticed' not 'saw', 'page' not 'profile', and 'question for you' not just 'question'). Why does this work? It makes someone curious what you noticed and what your question is while minimizing neediness, which is kryptonite to a woman's attraction. Want to really blow your mind? Create a woman's profile on whatever site you've used. Do what you've always done, get what you've always gotten. The women that I met through sites were almost all sweet, sharp, quality people and they would all tell me how they would receive hundreds of messages.

Eh. I put a helluvalot effort in the messages I send. I can't necessarily say the same for the responses I receive. It is what it is.

by colmvp 11y ago

Eh. I put a helluvalot effort in the messages I send. I can't necessarily say the same for the responses I receive. It is what it is.

stouset 11y ago

Honesty that may be part of your problem. Think of Tinder as meeting someone in a virtual bar — you're not going to spend a hell of a lot of time on what you open with. All you're going for is something just interesting and personal enough to actually start a conversation. If you're regularly sending opening messages more than a sentence or two long, you're probably investing way too much effort to start out.

paulcole 11y ago

Yep, this is a big mistake. Messages should be short and should take almost no effort to write. On OKC my success rate was very high and my initial messages were made up of 3 sentences max: 1) Hello 2) Show I read their profile. "Oh you like The Mountain Goats? I saw them when I was in Chicago last summer." 3) Ask a question about their interests. "I've been looking to take cooking classes. Any recommendations?" I had an incredibly high response rate, 1 out of every 3 or 4.

alashley 11y ago
Agreed, I get a much higher response rate with a quick message than I used to when I would send more ahem in-depth messages. I think it sort of mirrors real-life interactions in that way, generally one doesn't approach someone at a bar and start off with a long-winded introduction.
ones_and_zeros 11y ago
To me that even seems like tooo much effort. I had great success with the "funny tongue in cheek question/comment about a photo" approach. "Looking pretty friendly with that penguin, do you guys still keep in touch?" "Id say we should hula hoop together, but my hula hoop is in the shop. Unless you have a spare?"

CyberDildonics 11y ago

That's not what I meant. The mistake is thinking that you know all you need to know and that if it doesn't work it must be someone else's fault. This is an emotional protection from accepting the truth, which is that you aren't giving women what they want (which is why they aren't giving you what you want). Everything is a skill that can be improved with practice and learning from others, including online dating. I'm sure you can come up with all sorts of rationalizations as to why this isn't true, but accepting that you can do better is the first step to improving. Try this - for your first message just send 'Hey I noticed your page and have a question for you' ('noticed' not 'saw', 'page' not 'profile', and 'question for you' not just 'question'). Why does this work? It makes someone curious what you noticed and what your question is while minimizing neediness, which is kryptonite to a woman's attraction. Want to really blow your mind? Create a woman's profile on whatever site you've used. Do what you've always done, get what you've always gotten. The women that I met through sites were almost all sweet, sharp, quality people and they would all tell me how they would receive hundreds of messages.