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You can be ugly as sin, but lucky for you women are not that vapid. Working on self esteem, confidence, and emotional awareness will pratically erase any physic

You can be ugly as sin, but lucky for you women are not that vapid. Working on self esteem, confidence, and emotional awareness will pratically erase any physical deficits.

cellularmitosis 11y ago
but lucky for you women are not that vapid So I used to believe this. I believed that allowing myself to be a slave to physical attraction was a character flaw, that every time I paid attention to an attractive woman and rejected an unattractive woman that I was a shallow, vapid person. I felt ashamed of it. But have you ever tried dating someone whom you just weren't physically attracted to? I have (twice). It turns out it doesn't work in the long run. Convincing yourself that its the "right thing to do" will work in the short term, but eventually you'll build resentment towards them until the relationship falls apart. I'd encourage you to reconsider this viewpoint, and to stop promulgating it. Be honest with yourself. Anything else is just being reckless with another human being's emotions.
- alashley 11y ago
  Well said, whenever I hear some one say "I don't care about looks" I think they're trying to put themselves above being superficial, but I think a lot of the time its just lip service. Everyone has their own definition of "good looking" and to that end looks do matter to many people.
- danielrhodes 11y ago
  Everybody looks different to each other, and there are definitely women who are seen by others to be attractive which I don't find all that attractive (not my type). Likewise, women do not purely look at physical appearance to decide if they find somebody attractive, and neither do men. There are clearly other factors at play. So for somebody to say: I am not physically attractive and therefore not suitable to date is likely not true. Even if you could objectively say that you were physically unattractive, your best bet is to compensate by being better at the other things that form attraction.
m_fayer 11y ago
You can have all the self esteem and confidence in the world, but without verbal communication or body language these traits are hard to perceive. It takes extra effort to not be vapid on Tinder and co, and to recognise that a person's ability to craft a compelling impression out of a few flattering photos and a shred of text is an indicator of a capacity for self-branding and not necessarily much else.
colmvp 11y ago
Uh I feel like it's fictional to frame it as if women don't care about physical looks. Just go to a cafe and see who they are paired up with. Rarely do I see huge variance with physical attractiveness between the pair. Or read dating stories on Washington Post's date lab where as a reader you can decipher physical attraction between the participants within first few paragraphs and accurately predict the likelihood of the participants dating a second time.
- massysett 11y ago
  In the case of Date Lab, it's more likely this is because the writer knew the outcome so she will slant the piece from the beginning. She will only add material that advances the thesis--which is that they belong together or they don't.
- danielrhodes 11y ago
  Well you are right that it is certainly not an absolute truth. Some people do select mostly on appearance. However, since appearance is so subjective and the way we are seen is not absolute, attractiveness loses a lot of meaning. I think it is also dependent on age: younger people tend to go for appearances far more. Nonetheless, confidence is not as subjective: it really has a positive impact when all other things are held equal.
- giaour 11y ago
  You can blame online dating for that, too! http://priceonomics.com/online-dating-and-the-death-of-the-mixed/ http://priceonomics.com/online-dating-and-the-death-of-the-m...

You can be ugly as sin, but lucky for you women are not that vapid. Working on self esteem, confidence, and emotional awareness will pratically erase any physical deficits.

cellularmitosis 11y ago

but lucky for you women are not that vapid So I used to believe this. I believed that allowing myself to be a slave to physical attraction was a character flaw, that every time I paid attention to an attractive woman and rejected an unattractive woman that I was a shallow, vapid person. I felt ashamed of it. But have you ever tried dating someone whom you just weren't physically attracted to? I have (twice). It turns out it doesn't work in the long run. Convincing yourself that its the "right thing to do" will work in the short term, but eventually you'll build resentment towards them until the relationship falls apart. I'd encourage you to reconsider this viewpoint, and to stop promulgating it. Be honest with yourself. Anything else is just being reckless with another human being's emotions.

alashley 11y ago
Well said, whenever I hear some one say "I don't care about looks" I think they're trying to put themselves above being superficial, but I think a lot of the time its just lip service. Everyone has their own definition of "good looking" and to that end looks do matter to many people.
danielrhodes 11y ago
Everybody looks different to each other, and there are definitely women who are seen by others to be attractive which I don't find all that attractive (not my type). Likewise, women do not purely look at physical appearance to decide if they find somebody attractive, and neither do men. There are clearly other factors at play. So for somebody to say: I am not physically attractive and therefore not suitable to date is likely not true. Even if you could objectively say that you were physically unattractive, your best bet is to compensate by being better at the other things that form attraction.

m_fayer 11y ago

You can have all the self esteem and confidence in the world, but without verbal communication or body language these traits are hard to perceive. It takes extra effort to not be vapid on Tinder and co, and to recognise that a person's ability to craft a compelling impression out of a few flattering photos and a shred of text is an indicator of a capacity for self-branding and not necessarily much else.

colmvp 11y ago

Uh I feel like it's fictional to frame it as if women don't care about physical looks. Just go to a cafe and see who they are paired up with. Rarely do I see huge variance with physical attractiveness between the pair. Or read dating stories on Washington Post's date lab where as a reader you can decipher physical attraction between the participants within first few paragraphs and accurately predict the likelihood of the participants dating a second time.

massysett 11y ago
In the case of Date Lab, it's more likely this is because the writer knew the outcome so she will slant the piece from the beginning. She will only add material that advances the thesis--which is that they belong together or they don't.
danielrhodes 11y ago
Well you are right that it is certainly not an absolute truth. Some people do select mostly on appearance. However, since appearance is so subjective and the way we are seen is not absolute, attractiveness loses a lot of meaning. I think it is also dependent on age: younger people tend to go for appearances far more. Nonetheless, confidence is not as subjective: it really has a positive impact when all other things are held equal.
giaour 11y ago
You can blame online dating for that, too! http://priceonomics.com/online-dating-and-the-death-of-the-mixed/ http://priceonomics.com/online-dating-and-the-death-of-the-m...