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Well that's the thing. For a really long time I completely poured myself into programming. Like, my entire teenage years and most of my 20s. Now I am about to t

Well that's the thing. For a really long time I completely poured myself into programming. Like, my entire teenage years and most of my 20s. Now I am about to turn 27 and I don't really have many friends. I have never been in a serious romantic relationship. I have never left the country. I haven't really made much of an attempt at making money, so I am pretty much living check-to-check at a startup that I don't really care about anymore, but can't leave because I can't stand disappointing anyone. So I am kinda stuck. At this point, I think the only thing I am good at is just losing hours in code.

vvanders 11y ago
Work-Life balance can mean working on programming projects outside of work, to a lesser degree. There's a big different between having something you can riff on for a while and then drop when it doesn't hold your interest and something you have to ship regardless of what's involved.
- emodendroket 11y ago
  Yes, but I don't think it's the most valuable thing that someone in his position could do with his spare time to work on side projects.
Raphmedia 11y ago
> I have never been in a serious romantic relationship. I have never left the country. I haven't really made much of an attempt at making money Well, there's three things for you do start doing beside work!
Jtsummers 11y ago
I responded to your first post, but I'll respond here as well since you've added some more. 1) The money situation is tough, but workable. Are you in a position to ask for a raise or are there things you can cut back on to save some money? If you don't want to change jobs yet, try those. 2) You don't want to disappoint anyone, I understand that completely. Was this something you were once passionate about but lost interest in? Your post sounds like you're experiencing burnout. Do you get paid vacation? If there's no formal leave agreement, maybe ask for 1-2 weeks of paid time off to just go get your head clear. Drive up to the mountains and hike or relax in a cabin with some books. Come back a bit refreshed. 3) What kind of hours do you work now? If your work is taking up your weekends, reclaim them. Take day trips somewhere, find a local rec sports league, or go to a park and find a pick up game of soccer or something. You may not enjoy these things, find something else. But try things. You won't know what you like until you do. I had no idea I'd like ballroom dancing until I took a date to a social dance one night (because I knew she liked dancing). It was the first time I'd danced in years, and it was a blast (for me, also terrifying because I felt like a klutz). 4) I get the bit about no serious romantic relationships. In all honesty, I had 2 in high school and college, nothing post college until that ex in the last paragraph. It's not easy, and it can be terrifying returning to it after a long hiatus. But it's one of those things that you have to try for if you want it, relationships (rarely) fall into your lap. In fact, the first time you have a partner and not just someone you go on a couple dates with may end in disaster. But I don't regret that one, parts of it, but not the relationship itself. I was trapped, inertia-wise, in singlehood and dating her got me past that hump.
dewyatt 11y ago
Very similar situation here, turning 27 in September. Spent most of highschool skipping so I could write code instead. No friends nowadays (I prioritize everything else), no serious relationships (no time/energy), never traveled outside USA (money!). I did, however, just leave a job where I was unhappy. The timing was not great and it cost me. But I couldn't be happier to be free of that job. When I started to seriously dread going in to work, I knew it was time to move on. Try to realize that not leaving a job because you "can't stand disappointing anyone" is just plain wrong. In a sense, you're doing them a disservice by remaining in a position you are not happy in. You are probably not performing at your best if you're unhappy. Plus, startup or not, they would probably drop you like a bad habit if given the financial incentive. Business is business, money is always the bottom line in that environment. You do not owe them anything.
emodendroket 11y ago
I mean, it's not too late. Start looking for a job you do care about or that doesn't kill you. Your coworkers will get over it. Start participating in some social activities. No reason to just give up.

vvanders 11y ago

Work-Life balance can mean working on programming projects outside of work, to a lesser degree. There's a big different between having something you can riff on for a while and then drop when it doesn't hold your interest and something you have to ship regardless of what's involved.

emodendroket 11y ago
Yes, but I don't think it's the most valuable thing that someone in his position could do with his spare time to work on side projects.

Raphmedia 11y ago

> I have never been in a serious romantic relationship. I have never left the country. I haven't really made much of an attempt at making money Well, there's three things for you do start doing beside work!

Jtsummers 11y ago

I responded to your first post, but I'll respond here as well since you've added some more. 1) The money situation is tough, but workable. Are you in a position to ask for a raise or are there things you can cut back on to save some money? If you don't want to change jobs yet, try those. 2) You don't want to disappoint anyone, I understand that completely. Was this something you were once passionate about but lost interest in? Your post sounds like you're experiencing burnout. Do you get paid vacation? If there's no formal leave agreement, maybe ask for 1-2 weeks of paid time off to just go get your head clear. Drive up to the mountains and hike or relax in a cabin with some books. Come back a bit refreshed. 3) What kind of hours do you work now? If your work is taking up your weekends, reclaim them. Take day trips somewhere, find a local rec sports league, or go to a park and find a pick up game of soccer or something. You may not enjoy these things, find something else. But try things. You won't know what you like until you do. I had no idea I'd like ballroom dancing until I took a date to a social dance one night (because I knew she liked dancing). It was the first time I'd danced in years, and it was a blast (for me, also terrifying because I felt like a klutz). 4) I get the bit about no serious romantic relationships. In all honesty, I had 2 in high school and college, nothing post college until that ex in the last paragraph. It's not easy, and it can be terrifying returning to it after a long hiatus. But it's one of those things that you have to try for if you want it, relationships (rarely) fall into your lap. In fact, the first time you have a partner and not just someone you go on a couple dates with may end in disaster. But I don't regret that one, parts of it, but not the relationship itself. I was trapped, inertia-wise, in singlehood and dating her got me past that hump.

dewyatt 11y ago

Very similar situation here, turning 27 in September. Spent most of highschool skipping so I could write code instead. No friends nowadays (I prioritize everything else), no serious relationships (no time/energy), never traveled outside USA (money!). I did, however, just leave a job where I was unhappy. The timing was not great and it cost me. But I couldn't be happier to be free of that job. When I started to seriously dread going in to work, I knew it was time to move on. Try to realize that not leaving a job because you "can't stand disappointing anyone" is just plain wrong. In a sense, you're doing them a disservice by remaining in a position you are not happy in. You are probably not performing at your best if you're unhappy. Plus, startup or not, they would probably drop you like a bad habit if given the financial incentive. Business is business, money is always the bottom line in that environment. You do not owe them anything.

emodendroket 11y ago

I mean, it's not too late. Start looking for a job you do care about or that doesn't kill you. Your coworkers will get over it. Start participating in some social activities. No reason to just give up.