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Ask HN: Dealing with 'global' burnout

1 points by throwawaynym 11y ago

Hello all, First of all I'd like to apologise for asking here as it feels like a pretty well trodden path at this point, but it feels like the last direction I can turn in. I have worked hard, sacrificed, done everything that I can, and still, there is a wall, it's just not possible, it seems. I am reasonably young, with a job that pays well relatively, but badly absolutely. I work full time and am able to save 70% of my income in a large city. I live with my long term partner who is the love of my life. I will never be able to afford a home and have children. I will never be able to afford even a 2 bedroom flat with space for me and my partner to coexist. This is causing me extreme emotional turmoil, a burn out, whatever you want to call it. It's a mixture of anger, helplessness, and a lack of desire to do anything, because suddenly it feels as if success is impossible, as if everything is pointless. I can see a doctor, or a therapist, but they can't fix the external situation, they can only medicate me. I've considered 'running away' to a country with a low cost of living. This is the most viable option so far. But I'd have to leave her behind, and I can't face it. I can try to find a better job, but I already earn far in excess of the median - realistically it feels like this part of the economy has just failed, which makes me frustrated with capitalism, and has me questioning everything. I can give it up and start campaigning. I can buy a field, build my home, and wait for them to come and tear it down. But what use is that, knowing that it's ultimately futile? I can give up on the idea of ever owning my own destiny, of ever being able to fulfill my potential, of ever being anything other than a productive unit to be consumed. At that point, why live?

throwawaynym 11y ago
I have been 'burned out' before, but this time it feels different. Somehow it feels as if it's literally impossible to make a life for myself in my own country, any more. Being locked out of the housing market entirely feels like my homeland has been stolen from me, the most basic necessity of shelter becomes an ever-present treadmill. I'm just so full of anger, sadness, everything, with the whole situation - what do I do? Do I just turn off my emotions, go to work, come home from work, go to work, come home from work, wait decades for the pieces to fall into place? What makes all of this worse is that inevitably comparisons are made with humanity as a whole - that lots of others are in this situation. And to me, that's simply terrible, but I have to turn off thinking about that, because otherwise I'll spin out completely. I can't even look after myself.
viraptor 11y ago
> I can give it up and start campaigning. I can buy a field, build my home, and wait for them to come and tear it down. But what use is that, knowing that it's ultimately futile? I think you're going quite far with assumptions and drowning in bad thoughts. That is something that probably you should talk to the therapist about. I'm not even sure who "they" are in this case. But for some more practical response: you're talking about two extremes - always renting in a large city, or running away to a low-cost country alone. What about just moving slightly outside of the city with your partner? What about saving the 70% for an out-of-city house/flat downpayment? Even countryside in an expensive country is pretty cool and lets you live a slower life. (written from a pop. 2k village)
- throwawaynym 11y ago
  I already live at the maximum reasonable distance from the city (3 hour round trip commute) and a 2-bedroom flat is completely unaffordable. I could possibly get a tiny 1br if I knew that I could secure employment for a decade or if I got a massive pay rise. Everyone else I know in my peer group has completely given up and seems to be set for a life of renting forever - I earn almost double them. I can live somewhere completely uncommutable and work remotely. That means leaving her behind. It's two issues. I stay with her and kill myself (not in the 'suicide attempt' sense, but in the literal keeling over due to stress sense), I leave her and actually kill myself (due to the absurdity of having the fucking economy tell me that I can't be with my partner because she doesn't care to be a serf forever). It's just fucking money, you know? Numbers. Pictures of faces on paper. Less flippantly - money represents claim checks on society. In the context, that means that society doesn't want me, or many others like me, because we're not worth it.
  - stray 11y ago
    What's wrong with renting? I rent. I've always rented. And I think it's silly to buy. But I live on the opposite side of the pond from you. Only old people here are obsessed with owning a home.
    - throwawaynym 11y ago
stray 11y ago
Sounds like you're in your twenties. I felt like that too. Probably everybody does. If you save just half of that 70%, it'll grow to be quite a bit of money. It just takes time. And frankly, if you're living with the love of your life -- you're already rich.
- throwawaynym 11y ago
  Thank you. I appreciate it. I know. I felt that before. It was long distance. I was happy. That was the plan. But, it felt so much easier, in the abstract. To go to work every day knowing that I'm giving up all of my free time, that I'll be 30 before I see the return.. it seems so absurd. I know even that I'd be more productive, if not for all of this stress.
AnimalMuppet 11y ago
Why can't you run away with her to a country with a low(er) cost of living?

1 points by throwawaynym 11y ago

throwawaynym 11y ago

I have been 'burned out' before, but this time it feels different. Somehow it feels as if it's literally impossible to make a life for myself in my own country, any more. Being locked out of the housing market entirely feels like my homeland has been stolen from me, the most basic necessity of shelter becomes an ever-present treadmill. I'm just so full of anger, sadness, everything, with the whole situation - what do I do? Do I just turn off my emotions, go to work, come home from work, go to work, come home from work, wait decades for the pieces to fall into place? What makes all of this worse is that inevitably comparisons are made with humanity as a whole - that lots of others are in this situation. And to me, that's simply terrible, but I have to turn off thinking about that, because otherwise I'll spin out completely. I can't even look after myself.

viraptor 11y ago

> I can give it up and start campaigning. I can buy a field, build my home, and wait for them to come and tear it down. But what use is that, knowing that it's ultimately futile? I think you're going quite far with assumptions and drowning in bad thoughts. That is something that probably you should talk to the therapist about. I'm not even sure who "they" are in this case. But for some more practical response: you're talking about two extremes - always renting in a large city, or running away to a low-cost country alone. What about just moving slightly outside of the city with your partner? What about saving the 70% for an out-of-city house/flat downpayment? Even countryside in an expensive country is pretty cool and lets you live a slower life. (written from a pop. 2k village)

throwawaynym 11y ago
I already live at the maximum reasonable distance from the city (3 hour round trip commute) and a 2-bedroom flat is completely unaffordable. I could possibly get a tiny 1br if I knew that I could secure employment for a decade or if I got a massive pay rise. Everyone else I know in my peer group has completely given up and seems to be set for a life of renting forever - I earn almost double them. I can live somewhere completely uncommutable and work remotely. That means leaving her behind. It's two issues. I stay with her and kill myself (not in the 'suicide attempt' sense, but in the literal keeling over due to stress sense), I leave her and actually kill myself (due to the absurdity of having the fucking economy tell me that I can't be with my partner because she doesn't care to be a serf forever). It's just fucking money, you know? Numbers. Pictures of faces on paper. Less flippantly - money represents claim checks on society. In the context, that means that society doesn't want me, or many others like me, because we're not worth it.
- stray 11y ago
  What's wrong with renting? I rent. I've always rented. And I think it's silly to buy. But I live on the opposite side of the pond from you. Only old people here are obsessed with owning a home.
  - throwawaynym 11y ago

stray 11y ago

Sounds like you're in your twenties. I felt like that too. Probably everybody does. If you save just half of that 70%, it'll grow to be quite a bit of money. It just takes time. And frankly, if you're living with the love of your life -- you're already rich.

throwawaynym 11y ago
Thank you. I appreciate it. I know. I felt that before. It was long distance. I was happy. That was the plan. But, it felt so much easier, in the abstract. To go to work every day knowing that I'm giving up all of my free time, that I'll be 30 before I see the return.. it seems so absurd. I know even that I'd be more productive, if not for all of this stress.

AnimalMuppet 11y ago

Why can't you run away with her to a country with a low(er) cost of living?