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That is really horrible and I am sorry you are going through something like that. You shouldn't have to. The fact that they feel comfortable speaking about your

That is really horrible and I am sorry you are going through something like that. You shouldn't have to. The fact that they feel comfortable speaking about your sexuality in ANY way means that the culture has allowed this to happen. I would consult an employment lawyer. Here is the sad truth of the matter: you are probably going to be on the losing end of this. You will likely be passed over for promotions and will likely face increased harassment. HR tends to be a leaky sieve so do not trust that they will do their job. So, stand for your principles and take no prisoners or nurture your career and grow a much thicker skin than anyone would have to. Or leave.

yahyaheee 11y ago
Yeah I think you are in line with my thinking on this. I just almost feel as though it's a losing battle, but at the same time I think it's one that I need to fight
- AnimalMuppet 11y ago
  Well, yes, it's probably a losing battle in terms of winning the hearts and minds of this clique of prep boys. You probably aren't going to do that. (You might win with one or two, but probably not the group.) It's one you need to fight? I'm not saying you're wrong, but I would suggest at least thinking twice. You are going to take some hits in that process, at least emotionally and perhaps professionally. You need to be honest with yourself about whether you are able to take those hits. (On the other hand, you're already taking emotional hits, so maybe doing nothing is not an option for you.) Do you feel you need to fight this to keep other people from going through what you're going through? You can do it; employment law is firmly on your side. (IANAL, though.) In fact, I'm pretty sure that Oracle has HR policy that is also on your side. But I'd caution you to be careful about how much of your emotional energy you invest in a fight like this. You may decide you need to fight it, but even winning could look like losing. Those people aren't likely to become your friends after a lecture from HR. They may stop the comments, but become more coldly hostile toward you, maybe even passively trying to undermine you. You can make them stop the behavior. You can't make them grow up and treat you like humans should treat each other. Do you need to fight this? I can't tell you, but be realistic about what fighting is likely to get you.

yahyaheee 11y ago

Yeah I think you are in line with my thinking on this. I just almost feel as though it's a losing battle, but at the same time I think it's one that I need to fight

AnimalMuppet 11y ago
Well, yes, it's probably a losing battle in terms of winning the hearts and minds of this clique of prep boys. You probably aren't going to do that. (You might win with one or two, but probably not the group.) It's one you need to fight? I'm not saying you're wrong, but I would suggest at least thinking twice. You are going to take some hits in that process, at least emotionally and perhaps professionally. You need to be honest with yourself about whether you are able to take those hits. (On the other hand, you're already taking emotional hits, so maybe doing nothing is not an option for you.) Do you feel you need to fight this to keep other people from going through what you're going through? You can do it; employment law is firmly on your side. (IANAL, though.) In fact, I'm pretty sure that Oracle has HR policy that is also on your side. But I'd caution you to be careful about how much of your emotional energy you invest in a fight like this. You may decide you need to fight it, but even winning could look like losing. Those people aren't likely to become your friends after a lecture from HR. They may stop the comments, but become more coldly hostile toward you, maybe even passively trying to undermine you. You can make them stop the behavior. You can't make them grow up and treat you like humans should treat each other. Do you need to fight this? I can't tell you, but be realistic about what fighting is likely to get you.