It's like the difference between a generally angry guy who lashes out equally at his boss, his friends and his kids and ends up jobless, homeless and alone beca

It's like the difference between a generally angry guy who lashes out equally at his boss, his friends and his kids and ends up jobless, homeless and alone because of it, and a manipulative abuser who is perfectly capable of being a friendly, patient colleague at work and a great friend but goes home and tells his wife that he can't help hitting her. People who fail to hold it together in many ways are considered to be incapable of doing so, people who only lose it in very specific ways are considered to be choosing to do so.